Fowl language

[beer_good_foamy]

Also, since today seems to be penguin day again, I just had to share this old favourite:



And there's 600 words of rather bizarre penguin fic under the cut.

Bright light. Very bright light. One second she was on the edge of the ice, ready to jump in and do her duty, and the next she was... she was...

"Wha... how... GIIIIILES!"

Oooops, that was loud. Buffy instinctively clamped her hands over her mouth. Hands. That was new. As was the mouth, for that matter. And the weird noises coming out of it. And the weird feeling of... chills. Shakes, even. As if the cold was no longer a friend.

"Kaaaaark?" Her friends appeared over the closest ridge and looked down on the ice floe she was sitting on. Most of them stopped and stared at her in open-beaked shock, but the grizzled old king penguin Giles just nodded slowly to himself and then waddled over towards her. "Kaaar-aaark," he explained.

"What do you mean, you always knew this would happen?" Buffy once again winced at the strange sounds coming out of her mouth, full of teeth that didn't even seem sharp enough to eviscerate a fish - and how was she supposed to swim with these long, round limbs? She wrapped them around herself to keep warm in the Antarctic wind as Giles continued explaining.

"Kaaark -"

"A prophecy? That... this would happen to me?" She gestured at her disgustingly non-penguinian form.

"Kaar."

"And you never told me?"

Giles shrugged. "Kaaaark."

"OK, point," Buffy shivered. "You never told me there wasn't a prophecy that I'd suddenly turn into a Waddling Seal" (for that is what penguins call humans) "either. I guess I just sort of took that for granted. Silly me, huh?"

"Kaark." Giles smiled and patted her head (which was covered in some sort of soft, yellow seaweed) in a paternal gesture. Then he frowned as another spasm of cold shook her. "Kaaark?"

"I don't know. I'm just... cold, I guess. Really, really, really, c-c-cold." Buffy stood up and started pacing back and forth, trying to stay warm as the wind chill approached fifty below. "D-d-does the p-prophecy say that I h-h-have to be naked?"

"Kaaar -" Giles began explaining, then looked behind Buffy and quickly turned around, flopped onto his belly and started sledding the other way as fast as he could.

Buffy turned around to see another waddling seal approaching, grinning at her as if in kinship; clearly a victim of the same prophecy. At first she was hopeful that he'd found a way to keep warm, as he was covered from head to toe in some sort of clothes... then she recoiled in horror, almost slipping off the ice floe and into the ocean, when she realised they were penguin skins. The skins of chicks from her own flock. Her eyes narrowed.

***

Back at the Plain Of Eggs, the other penguins waited in trepidation. From the other side of the ridge, they heard odd sounds, which went on for a long time before everything was silent. Then the figure of a waddling seal came staggering out of the falling snow, wearing a warm fur coat. And they cheered, for even in this strange form Buffy the Leopard Seal Slayer had returned, dressed in the skins of her foes.

Willow regarded her, starstruck. "Kaaaaark?" she asked about the strange coat Buffy was wearing; how on earth had she made it?

Buffy held up her hands. "Opposable thumbs. Pretty cool, huh?" She then promptly grabbed Giles by his little legs and held him upside down. "Now, funny thing, I'm starving for some fish and I really don't want to think about where the eggs are going to come out of this thing. So, about that prophecy..."

Comments

[libco.livejournal.com]

Its crack!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

But of course it is. :-) Thanks!

[quinara]

So, I go for a little wander and I find this! It's brilliant! :D Go resourceful!humanised!penguin!Buffy!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Penguin!Buffy is one tough bird.

[slaymesoftly.livejournal.com]

LOL - I have no cookies, but I do have strawberry shortcake. Will that do?

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

As long as it comes with herring. Kaaark... I mean, thanks!

[gillo]

Wonderful crackfic! Penguins FTW!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Kaaaaark!

[snickfic]

Hah! Excellent. Take that, Giles.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Don't worry, I think she'll be gentle with him. Probably. Penguin!Buffy is magnanimous in victory. Unless you're a leopard seal.

Thanks!

[stormwreath.livejournal.com]

OMG it's bodyswap penguin!fic now! O.O

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Hell yeah! \o/

[owenthurman.livejournal.com]

I sure hope she can get back to being our regular Buffy soon; those waddling seals just aren't made for survival in regular weather.

What do you think she ended up doing to that other seal with the chick skins? Does that raise any issues for her? She's a slayer, not a killer, right?

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

I sure hope she can get back to being our regular Buffy soon

You and me both.

What do you think she ended up doing to that other seal with the chick skins?

I left that up to the reader. Thumbs can be used for a lot of things.

Does that raise any issues for her? She's a slayer, not a killer, right?

She's a penguin, duh. Their value system may or may not be slightly different from ours. And she is a seal Slayer. :-)

[eilowyn.livejournal.com]

You know, when they revealed the face of the other waddling seal in the comic, I was like, OMG! Angel the Emperor Penguin with a Soul looks horrible! It's like they were trying to draw him as an elephant seal - complete with snout that looks like waddling seal man-parts with elephantiasis. I really hope they don't retcon all seven seasons of Buffy the Leopard Seal Slayer in the next issue. What will they do to her next? Begin tap dancing?

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Well, Angel the Emperor Penguins was always a seal, really. I don't know why we didn't see it before. All the sparkling should have been a dead giveaway.

Oh, and where did the überpenguins in season 7 come from, eh? The Seal of Danzalthar. See, it all makes sense.

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

I love penguin!fic. Truly, truly, I do.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

What sane person doesn't? :-) Thanks!

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

Sane may be overstating it... ;)

Hey, I wonder if this is penguin!Giles's nightmare?

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

It's a special kind of sanity.

And I hope so. That means they get to wake up, kaaark about their silly dreams and then go fishing.

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

Or, they have to wake up penguin!Billy, and then kick the butt of the evil coach who beat him up. (So like Giles's nightmare of Buffy being a vampire.)

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Or possibly the First Penguin tries to kill them all with an icicle.

[moscow-watcher.livejournal.com]

Giles shrugged. "Kaaaark."

"OK, point," Buffy shivered

Yes! That's the best explanation I ever heard!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Haha, thanks!

[sentine.livejournal.com]

And now the question is: do penguins jump the shark? ;)

[thisficklemob.livejournal.com]

They sure as hell try.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Only when the sun sparkles off the waves with that special glow.

[gabrielleabelle.livejournal.com]

Kaarrk!!!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Karrrrr!

[zanthinegirl.livejournal.com]

::loves you::

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[riccadonna.livejournal.com]

Read & Shivered!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

*hot cocoa with extra whipped cream*

Thanks!