beer_good_foamy: (Default)
Apropos of absolutely nothing, here's a modern AU of the end of "Choices", after Willow is freed from the evil clutches of the Mayor. (Or is that the clutches of the evil Mayor? Can clutches be evil in and of themselves? Is there such a thing as being in the clutches of something good? Oh, honestly. I don't know where my mind goes these days.)

A Little Bird Told Me

"...And then I told her ‘You made your choice, Buffy was your friend...’"

Giles interrupted Willow's tale of heroics. "This is fascinating, but let's get back to the point. You actually had your hands on the Books of Ascension?"

"Volumes 1-5."

"Is there anything you can remember that could be of use to us? Anything at all?"

Willow shrugged. "Well, I was in a hurry, and what I did read was kind of over-involved. If you ask me, way overwritten." She held up her phone. "But Faith just tweeted out the best bits, see what you can make of that?"
beer_good_foamy: (Sugarshock)
Yes, I continue plugging away at this little webcomic (thanks again [personal profile] rahirah for introducing me to it). Here's a drabble series inspired by #724, in which Sigrun is her usual reassuringly tactful self.

Title: Five Times Everyone Thought Sigrun Eide Was Dead
Author: Beer Good ([personal profile] beer_good_foamy)
Fandom: Stand Still, Stay Silent
Rating: PG13
Word count: 5x100
Summary: Five 100-word drabbles about five times throughout Sigrun's life where everyone thought she had to be dead. Inspired by #724.

Zero/Seven/Fifteen/Twenty-three/Thirty-two )
beer_good_foamy: (Death)
It's the annual holiday fic! I felt kind of bad about last year's fic and how it anticipated some real-life events, so I went extra fluffy this time. Happy whatever, everyone!

Title: A Slayin' Song Tonight
Author: Beer Good ([personal profile] beer_good_foamy)
Fandom: Buffyverse (post-series)
Rating: PG13
Word count: 6x100
Characters: Ensemble
Summary: Five holiday decorations that can be used to slay vampires, and one vice versa. AKA the Scooby Holiday Meet-Up is about as peaceful as you'd expect.

In retrospect, renting a Cleveland hotel ballroom for the annual Scooby Holiday Meet-Up wasn't the best idea. But Buffy's tiny apartment wouldn't hold them all, and the hotel promised food, drinks and holiday paraphernalia at a very decent price (as thanks for clearing up that haunting three weeks earlier).

The vampire gang who (somewhat unwisely) cut the power and crashed the party without needing an invitation presumably weren't part of the service.

"Just once," Buffy muttered as she pulled a Christmas stocking over one vampire's face and staked another, "I'd like one holiday to go according to plan."

* * *

"Um… little help?" Dawn managed to get out as she bounced up and down on the back of the largest vampire. She wasn't sure what she'd been thinking when she tried to choke him with a holiday wreath; pine needles really weren't sharp enough to sever a vampire neck, and now he was trying to throw her off and she hated horsey rides and the eggnog she'd had wasn't helping, and -

When Spike dusted the vamp she tried for a graceful landing, but inertia disagreed and she crashed through the tree, sending angels, candy canes and baubles flying everywhere. "...Ow."

* * *

"OW! Sonofabitch!" Stepping on a bauble is painful even if you're a soulless denizen of the night. One vampire hopped around the room, knocking over the buffet table while trying to pull shards of glass out of his foot, then decided to take his rage out on the old man. "Any last words, grandpa?"

"Merry Christmas?" Giles handed him the gift Buffy had given him. "I suppose as my nemesis, this belongs to you."

The vampire ripped off the wrapping paper, took one look at the knitted sweater with reindeer motif, screamed and dusted.

Giles nodded. "I thought as much."

* * *

"Thanks, Will." Xander brushed off the ashes from the vampire that had been seconds away from a double shot of AB Harris Positive. "Also, huh. I never knew menorahs hurt vampires, but I guess...?"

Willow winced as she carefully checked the abruptly extinguished menorah for vampire-ass-related damage. "May just have been regular vampire fire allergy. It's just... I know I'm not so much with the monotheism these days, and I use crosses to fend off vampires and that's probably some sorta cultural appropriation, but it still feels disrespectful, y'know?" She carefully put it back in the window. "Right. Any more?"

* * *

The last vampire had had enough; nobody had said anything about an army of professional demon hunters. Not wanting to leave empty-handed, he grabbed one of the presents and ran for the door. He almost made it, but then something sparkly flew over his head, slipped down over him and tightened around his legs. He fell face-first, and barely had time to register that someone had landed on his back before a stake pierced his heart.

"Nice one, Blue," Faith said as she holstered the stake.

Illyria dusted off her quickly improvised tinsel lasso. "One does not mess with Texas."

* * *

"Is that it?" Buffy surveyed the damage. "OK, our security deposit's a bust. Aw, the tree."

"Yeah, a vamp did that," Dawn quickly said.

"And one threw your gift on the fire," Giles added. "There's evil for you."

Faith wrenched the remains of the tree upright. "Angel, you wanna be on top?"

Angel ignored Spike's laugh and instead gave Buffy a boost so she could tie Mr Pointy to the top of the tree. A warm glow spread from the few candles that were still lit as the gang stood around with their arms around each other. "Happy holidays, everyone."
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
I'm sorry, but I just had to. Days like this just don't come that often.

Pig In The City

The room was a retreat, hidden behind a door that seemed to lead to a broom closet at #10. Soundproof, electromagnetically shielded, locks on the inside, only a tiny ventilation shaft.

The PM poured himself a whisky and let out a deep breath. Finally some Me time, away from the press and social media and -


"Who's there?" Stupid question. He was alone in here. Nothing could get in unless it was the size of…

The small plush pig stalked out of the shadows, fixing him with its stare. "The name's Gordo, Prime Minister. Let's have a chat, shall we?"


Sep. 13th, 2015 06:02 pm
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
I was just listening to my favourite Bad Movie podcast, How Did This Get Made?. They were discussing Fast And Furious 7, and at one point wonder if there's fanfic of these movies. One (1) woman in the audience yells "YES!" and then has to grab a mike and explain how and what and why and where to the fascinated panel. This woman is now my hero.

Anyway, a drabble for [ profile] open_on_sunday's prompt "Burn". Remember the little kid from the opening scene of "Lie To Me"?

The Lamb Is Caught In The Blackberry Patch

When the man tells him to run, he does. He's a big boy, he's lived here his whole life, but he runs.

He can still feel the weird lady's eyes on him. He runs faster through the dark streets, rubbing his cheeks. What did she mean, she wasn't a person? Why would his mom sing when she found his body? What was wrong with her eyes?

He runs all the way home, until his lungs burn. Mom hugs him, asks him what's wrong, but he can't explain how everything can be wrong, how he just wants to keep running forever.


Jun. 1st, 2015 09:04 pm
beer_good_foamy: (Buffy)
For [ profile] open_on_sunday's Song Title challenge:

Avant Gardener
Title from "Avant Gardener" by Courtney Barnett

"Sunnydale Plants & Garden, Tim speaking, how may I help you?"


"Weeding? Sure, we've got tools for that."


"Our most popular pruning shears are 8 inches."


"Not really. We have hedge clippers, but – "


"Poison? You mean herbicides? Sure…"


"…That quickly? No."




"No, we do not carry flamethrowers. What on – "


"Um… sure. Thanks for calling."


Buffy hung up and turned to Giles. "Right, no help there. You're sure stakes won't work? Because - "

"Plants don't have hearts, Buffy."

They looked out at the triffids surrounding the Magic Box. "That's the last time I let Willow help Dawn with a science project."
beer_good_foamy: (Buffy)
Guys, the Three-Sentence Ficathon is on again! I'm going to look through it and hunt for writable prompts tomorrow, but for now, there's this:

Continuing to exorcise some long-standing obscure crossover ideas, here's one I'm sure someone has already thought of, but I've never seen it: A crossover between Buffy and Zork. Yes, Zork, the original text adventure. See, children, once upon a time, before yer Gamecubes and yer Playstations and yer fancy 8-bit entertainment systems, video games consisted of a blinking cursor and words like "inventory", "e" and "xyzzy". And as we all know from watching Buffy, old monsters don't just go away.

They Are Likely To

"Empowering the potentials," the First Evil said to Buffy as the übervamps charged them. "Clever, but you forgot something. Vampires can see in the dark." It snapped its non-existent fingers, and every torch in the cave went out.

There was complete, impenetrable darkness.



When the lights came on again, every single übervamp was gone. The unharmed girls looked around, happy but a little disappointed.

"My übervamps!" The First Evil just stared. “W-what did you do? Some kind of spell?”

Buffy frowned. “That wasn’t us.”

“It’s obvious, guys,” Amanda said. “It was pitch black…?”

Far below, a grue burped.


Dec. 30th, 2014 11:13 pm
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
For [profile] open_on_sunday's "Episode title" challenge:

Some Assembly Required

“Do you want me to show you how to use it?” Xander asked.

Buffy looked at her birthday present. “Yes, I do.”

“Right,” he said, lifting up the brand new rocket launcher. “I’m pretty sure you flip this thing here and DUCK!”

“...Is everyone OK?” Buffy lifted part of the collapsed wall off them.

“I think so. Um, Giles? Was that an important wing of the library?”

“Let’s just say that on the off chance that anyone comes in here looking for school books, they will be disappointed.”

“Oh. Anyway, Buff, let me go steal an instruction manual as well…”
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
Right, here's this year's holiday fic. Would be a shame to break a tradition. Happy turn-of-darkness, everyone!

Title: Four First Dinners (And One Cancellation)
Author: Beer Good ([personal profile] beer_good_foamy)
Fandom: Buffyverse
Rating: PG13
Word count: 5x100
Characters: Anne, Willow/Tara, Darla/Angelus, Lindsey McDonald, Buffy/Immortal
Summary: Five times people had a Christmas dinner together for the first time. Though one of them didn’t quite work out as planned.

Dinner’s served )
beer_good_foamy: (Buffy)
So apparently I won something at [ profile] wicked_awards. Specifically, Building Character won for Best Gen. Aw, shucks.

Thanks a lot to everyone involved, and congratulations to all the winners! Some great stuff there, go read now if you haven't already.

Also, just because I can, I have this idea of writing down a few bizarre or obscure crossovers that I could never make myself develop into anything longer. Here's one that people should at least be able to spot:

The Friendly Dark

Susie dreams of tigers, and wakes groaning. Now he's got her doing it. Hobbes is NOT REAL.

She keeps dreaming of tigers. She's heard about this. If you keep dreaming of someone, it means you're in love with them. And she so does not want to marry Calvin.

One day Calvin throws a snowball at her. She catches it in mid-air and sends it back to him hard enough to send him flying. She could swear the stuffed tiger sitting where he stood winks at her.

That night, she dreams of a tiger, and follows it into the desert landscape.
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
So apparently some kind soul has nominated "Building Character" over at [ profile] wicked_awards. Huge thanks! I'm still giddy at how well that fic was received.

Also, on a less jolly note, here's a drabble for [ profile] open_on_sunday and the prompt "record". I always liked Lydia... I want to say Chalmers, but apparently that's all fanon thanks to this awesome fic? Anyway, here's my take on her.


Lydia’s father was a Watcher, like his before him. She studied for years, but not everyone’s fit for frontline duty; they also serve et cetera, and archivists are always needed. She grew to love it. Countless unique records going back to antiquity and beyond, brittle from age, Slayers whose entire civilizations were lost but were remembered here.

She survived the blast that destroyed the Council long enough to recognize the ashes raining down around her. Lydia grasped a burning piece of paper, all that remained of Gunda (376-391 AD), and held it tight as the walls collapsed.
beer_good_foamy: (Penguins)
I am really, truly sorry about this, but I saw this phrase flash by on my flist (as a prompt at [ profile] sb_fag_ends, though as it happens Spike's not in it), and my muse went "You know what would be an awesome idea?" and wouldn't let me sleep until I wrote it. Blame the heatwave. Under a cut because of reasons.

Title: Office Party
Word count: 100
Fandom: Buffyverse, all 12 seasons
Pairings: Um... a few, none of them remotely canon
Rating: R

Somehow the Big Bad conference always ended like this )


Mar. 16th, 2014 09:00 pm
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
Two drabbles for [ profile] open_on_sunday's prompt "Key".


They let Giles collect Jenny's personal effects when they release the body. $37 in cash, a few protective charms, a picture of (he assumes) her family, and a keychain.

Over the next few days of Arranging Things, he gets to use her keys. There's two for the double locks on her door, a master key for the school, a car key, a couple for various boxes … And an old iron key that doesn't fit anywhere.

He keeps the key for years, but never figures out what it opens. Whatever it is, it'll stay locked forever, removed from the world.

A Minor Misunderstanding

High above Sunnydale, Doc flashed his knife and grinned at Dawn. "Hey, kid? Wanna see a trick?" Dawn, understandably, screamed.

Doc quickly pulled out a small device, checked it, and shouted to Glory's minions below, "C SHARP!"

"…What?" Dawn stared at him.

Doc held up a digital guitar tuner. "You scream in C sharp," he smiled. "That's all we needed for the chant to send Glorificus home."

"Aren't you going to bleed me?"

He frowned. "Do you want me to?"

Dawn shook her head.

"Good. We've tried to tell your sister for months, all we needed was the right key."


Feb. 23rd, 2014 12:16 am
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
Two unconnected Buffyverse drabbles for [ profile] open_on_sunday's prompt "bottle":

Sense Memory ("A New Man", Giles/Ethan)

The satisfaction of watching Ethan get thrown into a car and driven off to God knows where carries Giles through the clean-up of his apartment after the demon's… his rampage. Up until he sits down with a bottle of single malt.

It's always tasted of home over here. Vaguely British, somehow. Tonight, though, the taste is more specific.

Smoke. Sweat.

Cold, damp student rooms.




The look on Ethan's face when he walked out. Not entirely unlike the one he caught through a rear window today.

He sweeps up the shattered bottle. It's alright. He has more scotch.

Needs More Robin Williams (s5)

"I knew we shouldn't have opened Giles' old wine bottle," Willow whimpered as the newly liberated jinni wrecked the Magic Box.

"Regrets later, OK, Will? Just find a spell to put him back in it."

"I'm trying! Ancient Arabic doesn't even write out vowels!" Willow shuffled frantically through a pile of parchments, trying various spells that did nothing but repeatedly open and close the front door.

Buffy held out the bottle. "Heeeere, Jinni-Jinni! …No? OK, hard way it is, then." She looked at the 7 foot jinni, then back at the bottle. "DAWN! Get me a funnel and a mallet!"

And a Doctor Who drabble for [ profile] brutti_ma_buoni's Ragnarökathon and the prompt "the song of the twilight of the gods".

Wir sind die Roboter (Ten, Martha)

Martha listened in disbelief. "…This is the song of the gods?"

The Doctor shrugged. "Well, not of the gods, mortal ears wouldn’t be able to stand their music. Dreadfully dull. But apparently, as human music goes, this is what they listen to."


"Oh, really. Gods tend to be big on order and perfection. No human fallibility and all that. They used to be into Bach, but apparently they really love Kraftwerk."

They listened for a few minutes as The Man Machine blasted across the heavens.

"Now, where were we? Oh! Right! End of the world. Let's stop it, eh?"
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
First of all, "Total Perspective Vortex" was nominated at the Willowy Goodness Awards, along with a bunch of other very good fics. Thanks a lot!

Secondly, here’s a fic inspired by a discussion with [ profile] brutti_ma_buoni a little while ago, about how Faith would react to losing at various games like Rock-paper-scissors, Monopoly, etc.

Title: Five Games Faith Lost (And One She Won)
Author: Beer Good ([personal profile] beer_good_foamy)
Fandom: Buffyverse, at various points from season 3 to post-series
Rating: PG13
Word count: 6x100
Characters/Pairing: Buffy/Faith

6 drabbles )


Jul. 22nd, 2013 12:52 am
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
Here's something for [ profile] open_on_sunday and the prompt "Virus". I apologise in advance.

Hot Dog

Xander was pretty sure this should be girlfriend duty.

Sure, he'd swept out the werewolf cage before. It was usually no big deal; some fur, the odd shredded toy. At least since Oz started skipping dinner on wolf nights. So now that Oz had the flu and Willow had been up all night watching a feverish wolf, Xander had gallantly offered to clean up so she could catch some sleep.

Still, she could have told him what happens when werewolves sneeze.

He sighed and had another go with the mop. "Children of the night," he mumbled. "What mucus they make."


Apr. 7th, 2013 10:57 pm
beer_good_foamy: (Penguins)
[ profile] eilowyn put out a call for penguin fic. So here's a quick drabble inspired by a comment from [personal profile] shapinglight.


He was trying to remain unruffled, but when another penguin stepped on his tailfeathers for the fourteenth time that day, Angel finally snapped at it with a frustrated "KAAAARK!"

The other penguin stared in his general direction as if its eyes had trouble focussing and mumbled a confused "Kaarrk..?" Seconds later, another penguin bumped into Angel from behind, looked around as if it couldn't see what it had collided with, dropped some guano on Angel's feet and waddled off without even apologising.

Angel sighed. In retrospect, having yourself whitewashed isn't a good idea when you live on an ice floe.
beer_good_foamy: (Bernard - black books)
Second verse, same as the first: It's awards season, and they just announced the winners at [ profile] absence_oflight. And among all the other very deserving winners (CONGRATS one and all!) I happened to pick up a couple as well:

Thank you so much! Check out all the winners here.

Also, I hope everyone's checking out the Three Sentence Ficathon? I found a prompt for Wolf Hall and had to write this, a little Thomas Cromwell character slice. (I wrote a Buffy one as well, but I'm not entirely happy with how that one came out so I'm planning to turn it into something longer.)


The courtiers keep asking him the same question in the same incredulous tone, as if they're astonished that a... person of his background can even speak.

The honest answer would be that he's fairly certain his hands have forgotten how to shoe a horse, they are used to pens and handshakes now.

But he likes the look in their eyes when he answers yes, he can; as if only for a moment, they realise that they might one day go barefoot.
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