Could someone please buy LJ a shiny yo-yo, so they don't get bored and spend their time coming up with functions that just make things worse?

There is someone whose job it is to come up with new functions. If he doesn't come up with any then they'll decide there is no need for his position to exist. Consequently he has to make changes, even when he knows they're for the worse, to safeguard his job. It's the same in all organisations.