beer_good_foamy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
beer_good_foamy) wrote2012-07-20 09:53 pm
beer_good_foamy) wrote2012-07-20 09:53 pm
Entry tags:
Penguin ficlet
It's that time again, when something ripples through the fandom, creating tension left and right, which can only be eased with...
...all-butterfly AU fic!
But OK, I hope there's room for more traditional forms of fic as well. So here goes: ~500 words, Spike/Buffy, KAAARK! I'm unspoiled on any similarities to any current fandom kerfuffles. ...OK, maybe not quite, but don't take this too seriously.
Do Not Disturb Or Hold Up The Penguin
"Tweedle-deedle-dee."
"Kaaa-"
"No." The pet shop owner groaned. "Birds don't go 'Kaaark.' They go 'Tweedle-deedle-dee.' Say it."
The oddly peroxide-feathered Antarctic seabird sighed and glanced longingly out of his parrot cage, at the cage next to his, then around the back room of the pet shop where the two cages sat on a large table.
"Come on, Spike." The man paced impatiently. "I know better than anyone that it's not fun to be in a cage, but the sooner you learn this, the sooner I can set you free so you can go..." He glanced quickly at the price tag on the cage. "...uh, live in the treetops among your fellow birds. Now, try it again. Flap your wings and go 'Tweedle-deedle-dee.'"
Spike gritted his beak and ineffectively flapped his flippers. "Kwiaaark."
"Oh, for fuck's sake..." Deep breath. "OK, how about 'Quack', at least? Or 'Cluck'?"
"Cluckyu," Spike muttered.
"That's it! No more sunflower seeds for you!" He turned towards the other cage. "Oh, Buffy? Do you want a tasty corncob?" He dangled the object in front of the cage, but the bird inside looked supremely disinterested. Odd. And she still refused to sit on the perch and ring her little bell, too.
Buffy ruffled her water-resistent feathers and stole a quick glance at the other cage.
"Stop that!" he admonished her. "You really don't want to get mixed up with him. He's an evil flightless waterfowl. Which isn't his fault, obviously, but you can't let him stop you from becoming a beautiful parakeet. Now..." He held up a packet of dry-looking and not even remotely fish-flavoured biscuits. "Does Polly want a cracker?"
Buffy finally had enough. "KAAAAAAARK!" she cried, rocked back on her haunches, and with all the strength in a body designed to jump ice floes launched herself at the cage door. The door flew open, and Buffy knocked the human over so he tumbled backwards into a shelf, where he was temporarily trapped under a large sack of bird feed. She was free. She could go anywhere... but. She stopped in front of the other cage, striking a don't-cluck-with-me pose.
Spike fluffed himself up and raised the part of his face where his eyebrow might have been if he had been a mammal. They exchanged a look which, for all intents and purposes, may be referred to as "eye-mating." Whereupon she launched herself at the cage, which fell off the table and shattered on the floor, Buffy landing on top of Spike. They lay like that for a few seconds, staring at each other, slowly stretching their flippers in new-found freedom.
"Get off her, Spike! You're hurting her!" their erstwhile captor said as the two birds got to their feet and started waddling towards the door. "What are you doing? Where are you going? Why are you doing this to me in my pet shop? You're birds, damnit! Act your class!"
At which Buffy turned her beak at him, rolled her eyes, and in a measured tone replied: "Kaark... Kaaark. Kah." For the last time... Penguin. Look it up. Spike gave him the one-flipper salute.
Trapped under the bird feed, the owner could only listen as they spoiled his fish tank and left.
...all-butterfly AU fic!
But OK, I hope there's room for more traditional forms of fic as well. So here goes: ~500 words, Spike/Buffy, KAAARK! I'm unspoiled on any similarities to any current fandom kerfuffles. ...OK, maybe not quite, but don't take this too seriously.
Do Not Disturb Or Hold Up The Penguin
"Tweedle-deedle-dee."
"Kaaa-"
"No." The pet shop owner groaned. "Birds don't go 'Kaaark.' They go 'Tweedle-deedle-dee.' Say it."
The oddly peroxide-feathered Antarctic seabird sighed and glanced longingly out of his parrot cage, at the cage next to his, then around the back room of the pet shop where the two cages sat on a large table.
"Come on, Spike." The man paced impatiently. "I know better than anyone that it's not fun to be in a cage, but the sooner you learn this, the sooner I can set you free so you can go..." He glanced quickly at the price tag on the cage. "...uh, live in the treetops among your fellow birds. Now, try it again. Flap your wings and go 'Tweedle-deedle-dee.'"
Spike gritted his beak and ineffectively flapped his flippers. "Kwiaaark."
"Oh, for fuck's sake..." Deep breath. "OK, how about 'Quack', at least? Or 'Cluck'?"
"Cluckyu," Spike muttered.
"That's it! No more sunflower seeds for you!" He turned towards the other cage. "Oh, Buffy? Do you want a tasty corncob?" He dangled the object in front of the cage, but the bird inside looked supremely disinterested. Odd. And she still refused to sit on the perch and ring her little bell, too.
Buffy ruffled her water-resistent feathers and stole a quick glance at the other cage.
"Stop that!" he admonished her. "You really don't want to get mixed up with him. He's an evil flightless waterfowl. Which isn't his fault, obviously, but you can't let him stop you from becoming a beautiful parakeet. Now..." He held up a packet of dry-looking and not even remotely fish-flavoured biscuits. "Does Polly want a cracker?"
Buffy finally had enough. "KAAAAAAARK!" she cried, rocked back on her haunches, and with all the strength in a body designed to jump ice floes launched herself at the cage door. The door flew open, and Buffy knocked the human over so he tumbled backwards into a shelf, where he was temporarily trapped under a large sack of bird feed. She was free. She could go anywhere... but. She stopped in front of the other cage, striking a don't-cluck-with-me pose.
Spike fluffed himself up and raised the part of his face where his eyebrow might have been if he had been a mammal. They exchanged a look which, for all intents and purposes, may be referred to as "eye-mating." Whereupon she launched herself at the cage, which fell off the table and shattered on the floor, Buffy landing on top of Spike. They lay like that for a few seconds, staring at each other, slowly stretching their flippers in new-found freedom.
"Get off her, Spike! You're hurting her!" their erstwhile captor said as the two birds got to their feet and started waddling towards the door. "What are you doing? Where are you going? Why are you doing this to me in my pet shop? You're birds, damnit! Act your class!"
At which Buffy turned her beak at him, rolled her eyes, and in a measured tone replied: "Kaark... Kaaark. Kah." For the last time... Penguin. Look it up. Spike gave him the one-flipper salute.
Trapped under the bird feed, the owner could only listen as they spoiled his fish tank and left.
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(Oh, and thank you very much for linking my butterflies!)
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And you're welcome! Just call it the butterfly effect.
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That's me, yelping with laughter.
All kerfuffles should be met with silly zoofic. Or possibly Bear Love Good, Cancer Bad fundraising campaigns.
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All kerfuffles should be met with silly zoofic. Or possibly Bear Love Good, Cancer Bad fundraising campaigns.
I vote for both.
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You are very silly. I like that about you. And I am obviously 12 because "Cluckyu" never fails to make me laugh. It's the entire reason I saw the latest Muppet movie.
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(And how beautiful was that musical number? I still can't believe they got away with that...)
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*dies laughing*
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(Was the “tweedle-dee-dee” meant to evoke early!Scarlett O’Hara’s “fiddle-dee-dee” or is that just a great confluence of events?)
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(I haven't watched Gone With The Wind in decades, so I didn't do it consciously, at least. I'm honestly not sure where I got it, but I think it might be from this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUKTgIK8DxA).)
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