beer_good_foamy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
beer_good_foamy) wrote2007-06-13 10:16 pm
beer_good_foamy) wrote2007-06-13 10:16 pm
Pretty, silly
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xlivvielockex and the good people at ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif){kind=small}
still_grrr keep spoiling me, this time for the ficlet Borrowed Time and a related icon. Thanks as always!
And on request, and in the interest of flogging the ground where a dead horse used to be, I present a sketch so silly that not even Graham Chapman would have anything to do with it. I hope.
This was originally posted at
shapinglight's journal as I was bored out of my skull and willing to riff on anything. If you're one of the three people in the world who's never seen the original, it's here.Reader: I wish to complain about this comic what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Joss: Oh yes, the, uh, the Long Way Home...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Reader: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. Warren's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
Joss: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resurrected! Or, uh, never died. But did. Only not. Except 'e did.
Reader: Look, matey, I know a dead geek when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Joss: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable villain, the Sunnydale Nerd, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!
Reader: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
Joss: Nononono, no, no! 'E's restin'!
Reader: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the comic book) 'Ello, Mister Trekkie! I've got a lovely fresh Red Dwarf DVD box set for you if you show...
(Joss hits the comic book)
Joss: There, he moved! See? 'E tortured Willow off-screen!
Reader: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the comic!
Joss: I never!!
Reader: Yes, you did!
Joss: I never, never did anything...
Reader: (yelling and hitting the comic repeatedly) 'ELLO WARREN!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes Warren out of the comic book and thumps his head on the counter. Throws him up in the air and watches him plummet to the floor.)
Reader: Now that's what I call a dead villain.
Joss: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
Reader: STUNNED?!?
Joss: Yeah! You stunned him, just as 'e was plottin' 'is big revenge! Sunnydale Nerds stun easily, major.
Reader: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That geek is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of continuity was due to you bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged Goners rewrite.
Joss: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
Reader: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did he teleport right out of the story the moment I got 'im home?
Joss: The Skinless Villain prefers skippin' with Amy on 'is back! Remarkable bad guy, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!
Reader: Look, I took the liberty of examining this storyline when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been in the comic in the first place was that it had been RETCONNED there.
(pause)
Joss: Well, o'course it was retconned there! If I hadn't retconned him into the comics, he would have reassembled himself, slithered off to do badness, and VOOM!
Reader: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this geek wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through him! 'E's bleedin' demised!
Joss: No, no! 'E's pining!
Reader: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This Warren is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker, and I don't care if that's you! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't ignored all of season 7 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's literally shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-VILLAIN!!
(pause)
Joss: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of geeks. Except Andrew, and I'm not givin' 'im up.
Reader: I see. I see, I get the picture.
Joss: I got a zombie army...
(pause)
Reader: Pray, does it plot against our heroes?
Joss: Nnnnot really.
Reader: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!?
Join us next week, when Joss finds a dead Tara on the landing and calls the
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- 'Ello Mrs Premise!
- 'Ello Mrs Conclusion!
- Been shopping?
- No, been shopping.
- What'd you buy then?
- Piston engine.
- What'd you buy that for?
- It was a bargain!
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Brilliant stuff.
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Cardinal Fang, get the extended metaphor.
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That's definitely an EX-villain.
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This was . . . perfect!
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Far too many perfect lines to quote them all here.
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"Handkerchief!"
"Check."
"Mustache!"
"Check."
"Stake!"
"Here you go, Buffy."
"I'm going to slay now!"
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PS. In case you haven't come across it, you may like The Dead Slayer Sketch by JustMe.
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*shivers*
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Reader: Pray, does it plot against our heroes?
Joss: Nnnnot really.
Reader: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!?
I get to this bit and just DIE. *flails*
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*wipes away a tiny tear* How ever did I miss this gem? So glad to see it rec'ed!!
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