Pretty, silly

[beer_good_foamy]

xlivvielockex and the good people at still_grrr keep spoiling me, this time for the ficlet Borrowed Time and a related icon. Thanks as always!




And on request, and in the interest of flogging the ground where a dead horse used to be, I present a sketch so silly that not even Graham Chapman would have anything to do with it. I hope.

This was originally posted at shapinglight's journal as I was bored out of my skull and willing to riff on anything. If you're one of the three people in the world who's never seen the original, it's here.

Reader: I wish to complain about this comic what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Joss: Oh yes, the, uh, the Long Way Home...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Reader: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. Warren's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Joss: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resurrected! Or, uh, never died. But did. Only not. Except 'e did.

Reader: Look, matey, I know a dead geek when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Joss: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable villain, the Sunnydale Nerd, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Reader: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Joss: Nononono, no, no! 'E's restin'!

Reader: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the comic book) 'Ello, Mister Trekkie! I've got a lovely fresh Red Dwarf DVD box set for you if you show...

(Joss hits the comic book)

Joss: There, he moved! See? 'E tortured Willow off-screen!

Reader: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the comic!

Joss: I never!!

Reader: Yes, you did!

Joss: I never, never did anything...

Reader: (yelling and hitting the comic repeatedly) 'ELLO WARREN!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes Warren out of the comic book and thumps his head on the counter. Throws him up in the air and watches him plummet to the floor.)

Reader: Now that's what I call a dead villain.

Joss: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Reader: STUNNED?!?

Joss: Yeah! You stunned him, just as 'e was plottin' 'is big revenge! Sunnydale Nerds stun easily, major.

Reader: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That geek is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of continuity was due to you bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged Goners rewrite.

Joss: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

Reader: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did he teleport right out of the story the moment I got 'im home?

Joss: The Skinless Villain prefers skippin' with Amy on 'is back! Remarkable bad guy, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Reader: Look, I took the liberty of examining this storyline when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been in the comic in the first place was that it had been RETCONNED there.

(pause)

Joss: Well, o'course it was retconned there! If I hadn't retconned him into the comics, he would have reassembled himself, slithered off to do badness, and VOOM!

Reader: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this geek wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through him! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Joss: No, no! 'E's pining!

Reader: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This Warren is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker, and I don't care if that's you! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't ignored all of season 7 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's literally shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-VILLAIN!!

(pause)

Joss: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of geeks. Except Andrew, and I'm not givin' 'im up.

Reader: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Joss: I got a zombie army...

(pause)

Reader: Pray, does it plot against our heroes?

Joss: Nnnnot really.

Reader: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!?

Join us next week, when Joss finds a dead Tara on the landing and calls the church wicca police.

Comments

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

*flails*

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

*icon love*

- 'Ello Mrs Premise!
- 'Ello Mrs Conclusion!
- Been shopping?
- No, been shopping.
- What'd you buy then?
- Piston engine.
- What'd you buy that for?
- It was a bargain!

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

Four hours to bury the cat?

[curiouswombat.livejournal.com]

Dies and is ded from excessive laughter!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Sorry about that, haha.

[gillo]

I didn't expect the Sunnydale Inquisition!

Brilliant stuff.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Our chief weapon is surprise! Surprise and fear and an almost fanatical devotion to Joss Whe... I'll start again. GET THE RACK! (Whaddyamean Willow killed him? You sure about that?)

[gillo]

For a given value of "sure"? Sure...

Cardinal Fang, get the extended metaphor.

[diachrony.livejournal.com]

Bwah!!!

That's definitely an EX-villain.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Don't get much exer than that. Thanks!

[petzipellepingo.livejournal.com]

Points to icon while toppling off chair...

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Is that one of the Gee Bees? Thanks!

[petzipellepingo.livejournal.com]

That's the laughing bee from Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree. Icon by peaces_icons.

[spikendru.livejournal.com]

I think I love you!

This was . . . perfect!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Right back atcha. Thanks!

[shinodabear.livejournal.com]

That. Was. Brilliant.
Far too many perfect lines to quote them all here.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Heh, thanks!

[thepadre.livejournal.com]

So, how come I've got this vision of the cast of BtVS/AtS sporing Wellington boots, hankies on the head and small mustaches?

"Handkerchief!"

"Check."

"Mustache!"

"Check."

"Stake!"

"Here you go, Buffy."

"I'm going to slay now!"

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

I... WILL FIGHT... A DEMON NAMED... SEMPRINI! Thanks!

[shapinglight]

Hee! It's even funnier now.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I thought it could use some tweaking.

[spuffyduds.livejournal.com]

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Heeeee!

[lynnenne]

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

:-D Thanks!

[draconin.livejournal.com]

OMG! You have been totally rocking lately but this takes the runny cheese! Brilliant.
PS. In case you haven't come across it, you may like The Dead Slayer Sketch by JustMe.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks a lot! I'd actually read that one before and forgotten about it - so thanks for reminding me, too!

[ozma914.livejournal.com]

You're going to be somewhat taken aback when issue #5 brings us a dead Tara on the landing.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

I'll have one without so much Amy... I mean rat in it.

[ozma914.livejournal.com]

My theory is, even a dead Tara's better than no Tara. Which, ew.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes, the adventures of ZombieTara. See her smile, see her do white magic, see her eat BRAAAAAAAAAIIIINNSSSSS.

[ozma914.livejournal.com]

I think I'll stick with my dead Tara -- a little uncomfortable in her own skin (literally, in the case of my stories), but more or less the same, nice, non-brain eating person.

*shivers*

[quietpoet.livejournal.com]

caught this on petzipellepingo's rec and almost sprayed my gatorade all over my laptop. Thanks for the laugh!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Heh, thank you!

[elisi]

WHY did I not comment on this when I first read it? (Maybe I was too shaken from laughing to find the keyboard...)

Reader: Pray, does it plot against our heroes?

Joss: Nnnnot really.

Reader: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!?

I get to this bit and just DIE. *flails*

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Haha, thanks a lot! *hugs* And thanks for reccing too.

[hello-spikey.livejournal.com]

LOLZ!!! *dies*

*wipes away a tiny tear* How ever did I miss this gem? So glad to see it rec'ed!!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm glad you found it. :-) Thanks!

[deborahc.livejournal.com]

I laughed. A lot.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear it - thanks!