beer_good_foamy | Ficlet for November 24th

beer_good_foamy

I guess it's been kind of a theme day. First, there was

gabrielleabelle's post on "Him". Which inspired

ladyofthelog to write commentfic. Which inspired

stormwreath to write "Buffy's Little Secret". Which inspired

angearia to write "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun". Which inspired

peroxidepirate to write "Show Me". And now, I... very much doubt that anyone will be surprised by what this fic is about.

Banner by

ladyofthelog

Title: Acts Of Self-Conscious Behaviour Contrary To The 'Not In Front Of The Children' Act
Author: Beer Good (

beer_good_foamy)
Fandom: Buffy, between s5 and s6
Rating: PG13
Warning: Some blatant ~~innuendo~~ literalness
Characters/Pairing: Willow/Tara, Buffybot
Word count: ~560

Acts Of Self-Conscious Behaviour Contrary To The 'Not In Front Of The Children' Act

"I'm going patrolling now, guys. Goodbye."

Willow and Tara, who were somewhat preoccupied on the kitchen table, didn't look up. "Uh, yeah. Good luck." Willow bent back down, Tara's hair hanging in both their faces as she pulled her sleeve up and thrust her hand in deeper. "How's that?"

"You've almost got it..." Tara tossed her hair back and bit her lip. "Just a little bit further in..." Suddenly she froze, tapped Willow on the shoulder and pointed out the kitchen window. "Uh... Willow? Is that what I think it is?"

Willow looked up. "What... oh, shoot." She quickly pulled her hand out and ran towards the door while wiping her sticky fingers on her pants. Tara put down the very heavy turkey they'd been stuffing and ran after her.

"Buffybot, put that DOWN!" Willow caught up with the robot right at the edge of the garden. "Where did you find that - eep!" She ducked as the bot turned around and the long, hard, smooth plastic object in question almost hit Willow in the face.

"I found it in my closet," the Buffybot replied with its usual unstoppable cheeriness, raising the object in question towards the sky so they all got a good look at it. "Someone hid it way in the back. Don't worry, it's fully charged."

"Do you even know what that is?" Tara asked her.

"Of course I know. It's a shoulder-launched missile weapon, also known as a rocket launcher or bazooka. I used it to shoot at Angel once. It was bloody hilarious." She paused, briefly taking on what Willow liked to call her spinning-hourglass-stare, before continuing in the same tone as before. "And in a metaphorical sense, it's also a huge phallos symbol."

Willow got to her feet, using the most patient voice she could muster up. "Which goes off really easily, and - watch where you point that thing!" She hit the deck again, pulling Tara down with her, as the Buffybot casually swung the rocket launcher back towards the house.

"Don't worry. I'm the Slayer. I know how to use it. I'll only use it for slaying vampires."

"Yeah, unless you take out a whole building or... kill yourself or something!"

Tara held her hand out. "I know you mean well, Buffybot, but we can't let you go out and, well, wave that in everyone's face. Just... let's just stick to stakes for now, okay?"

The Buffybot looked at her for a moment, then with an ever-so-buoyant smile handed over the rocket launcher. "Okay. Wish me monsters." She turned around and disappeared out into the dusk.

As they carried the rocket launcher back upstairs, Tara couldn't stop herself from grinning. "So... since when does she know words like 'phallos symbol'?"

"I... well..." Willow sighed; as usual, having to discuss things with the Buffybot had made her a little glum. "I... she was programmed by Warren, y'know? So since I had to fix her anyway, I figured I'd try to at least put something in... It's an improvement, right?"

"I-I guess. It just felt like I was, um, in a horror movie about an evil penis or something."

That got a smile from Willow. "Doofus."

And so they put the rocket launcher back in Buffy's closet, way in the back next to Faith's knife and Olaf's hammer, and tried to forget about it for a while. The Buffybot, obedient as ever, never brought it up again.