![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beer_good_foamyEveryone's posting these, so since I wrote it up...
Describe your country's history - not as it really was, but as the average person in your country remembers it. What are the major events that everybody knows about? What's taught in schools? What do your politicians and media talk about when they want to boast about how great your country is? Or are there embarrassing episodes in your nation's past that everybody knows about but nobody likes to mention?
We're not looking for a balanced, measured or accurate view here. Broad generalisations and sweeping stereotypes are welcome.
The not completely reliable history of Sweden, as high school history goes.
* Long Ago. Ice age, stone age, bronze age. Nobody knows what was going on, but there are probably kings buried under every hill. People ate tree bark. Trolls ate people.
* Vikings. Who, depending on your political bent, were just friendly traders with advanced negotiation techniques or the righteous scourge of the lesser peoples down on The Continent. People sacrificed to Odin and Thor but were basically good democrats. Then we converted to Christianity even though being Pagan was more fun.
* Middle Ages. Nothing much happened, since most people died from the plague. Kings had funny names like "the lisping and limping" or "the weak-brained", and all of them died violent deaths except that one guy who was king four times over. We were definitely not ruled from Denmark! OK, most kings and noblemen and tax collectors were evil Danes and Germans for a while there, but everyone lived out in the woods and ate tree bark and had no idea what was going on in the cities so we were totally autonomous anyway.
* 1500s. King Gustav Vasa started a rebellion all on his own, kicked out the Danes, made us Protestants instead of Papists (who, as far as we know, are still evil, still pray in Latin, and probably still have an inquisition), centralized government, snarked at the peasants (no, really, he ruled the country by snark) and had bad teeth. Had a bunch of sons, at least two of whom were certifiably insane. The ones who were comparatively sane built...
* 1600s. The Empire. Gustavus Adolphus won the 30 years war single-handed, except he died a few years into it because the Germans fought dirty, Queen Christina was a Papist and a lesbian (the latter of which was far more acceptable), and then there were a bunch of kings named Charles who walked on water (literally) and killed embarrassing amounts of Danes, Poles and Russians (in a very fair and democratic way, mind) until the Russians started hitting back for some strange reason. Charles XII was either the greatest war hero ever or an insane psycho (depending on your political bent) and was probably assassinated by his own men.
* 1700s. In the countryside, people ate tree bark. In Stockholm, people wrote songs about booze and held costume balls. We kept picking fights with Russia and were the moral victors every time. Kings were powerless and wished they had absolute power like in France. King Gustav III got absolute power like in France and was assassinated at one of the costume balls. He was gay (or possibly just wannabe French) and supported the arts, which is why we have a state lottery.
* 1800s. Gustav IV picked yet another fight with Russia and somehow managed to lose Finland (which must mean we had a Finland to lose, cool, we probably treated them well) and got fired. We replaced him with one of Napoleon's generals who liberated Norway from the Danes instead. Peace broke out and has raged unchecked since, which makes for boring history. At some point, we became awesome at making things out of steel and wood. Even so, we were very poor and those who were sick of tree bark emigrated to America.
* 1900s. We graciously insisted on giving the Norwegians their independence, and in return they neglected to mention that their entire coast is one big oil well. The bastards. As if by magic, we were suddenly a democracy in which everyone had food and a vote and possibly a Nobel prize.
* World wars I and II. We were neutral and too busy building a welfare society to care what was happening down on The Continent. Sure, we allowed the Germans to use our railways and sold them stuff they needed, but in our defense, we stopped doing that after D-Day. Besides, we totally almost sort of kind of helped the Finns fight that evil dictator with a funny moustache, whatshisface... Stalin.
* 1940s-28 February 1986. Social democratic welfare state. Life was perfect. Everyone was rich. Everyone had a job. Everyone moved to the city and wrote a lot of books about eating tree bark. Ingmar Bergman, IKEA, ABBA and Björn Borg ruled and we were the shining beacon of democracy and civil rights and the envy of everyone except the Americans who kept getting us mixed up with the Swiss (if they thought of us at all).
* 1 March 1986-now. Our prime minister got killed by a wino (or possibly unspecified evil foreigners) and everything fell apart. Suddenly we're all unemployed and poor even though we're richer than we ever were. Conservatives started winning elections by promising to get us back to the social democratic welfare state. We get cheated out of a well-deserved Eurovision win every year. But at least we're better off than the Danes.
Describe your country's history - not as it really was, but as the average person in your country remembers it. What are the major events that everybody knows about? What's taught in schools? What do your politicians and media talk about when they want to boast about how great your country is? Or are there embarrassing episodes in your nation's past that everybody knows about but nobody likes to mention?
We're not looking for a balanced, measured or accurate view here. Broad generalisations and sweeping stereotypes are welcome.
The not completely reliable history of Sweden, as high school history goes.
* Long Ago. Ice age, stone age, bronze age. Nobody knows what was going on, but there are probably kings buried under every hill. People ate tree bark. Trolls ate people.
* Vikings. Who, depending on your political bent, were just friendly traders with advanced negotiation techniques or the righteous scourge of the lesser peoples down on The Continent. People sacrificed to Odin and Thor but were basically good democrats. Then we converted to Christianity even though being Pagan was more fun.
* Middle Ages. Nothing much happened, since most people died from the plague. Kings had funny names like "the lisping and limping" or "the weak-brained", and all of them died violent deaths except that one guy who was king four times over. We were definitely not ruled from Denmark! OK, most kings and noblemen and tax collectors were evil Danes and Germans for a while there, but everyone lived out in the woods and ate tree bark and had no idea what was going on in the cities so we were totally autonomous anyway.
* 1500s. King Gustav Vasa started a rebellion all on his own, kicked out the Danes, made us Protestants instead of Papists (who, as far as we know, are still evil, still pray in Latin, and probably still have an inquisition), centralized government, snarked at the peasants (no, really, he ruled the country by snark) and had bad teeth. Had a bunch of sons, at least two of whom were certifiably insane. The ones who were comparatively sane built...
* 1600s. The Empire. Gustavus Adolphus won the 30 years war single-handed, except he died a few years into it because the Germans fought dirty, Queen Christina was a Papist and a lesbian (the latter of which was far more acceptable), and then there were a bunch of kings named Charles who walked on water (literally) and killed embarrassing amounts of Danes, Poles and Russians (in a very fair and democratic way, mind) until the Russians started hitting back for some strange reason. Charles XII was either the greatest war hero ever or an insane psycho (depending on your political bent) and was probably assassinated by his own men.
* 1700s. In the countryside, people ate tree bark. In Stockholm, people wrote songs about booze and held costume balls. We kept picking fights with Russia and were the moral victors every time. Kings were powerless and wished they had absolute power like in France. King Gustav III got absolute power like in France and was assassinated at one of the costume balls. He was gay (or possibly just wannabe French) and supported the arts, which is why we have a state lottery.
* 1800s. Gustav IV picked yet another fight with Russia and somehow managed to lose Finland (which must mean we had a Finland to lose, cool, we probably treated them well) and got fired. We replaced him with one of Napoleon's generals who liberated Norway from the Danes instead. Peace broke out and has raged unchecked since, which makes for boring history. At some point, we became awesome at making things out of steel and wood. Even so, we were very poor and those who were sick of tree bark emigrated to America.
* 1900s. We graciously insisted on giving the Norwegians their independence, and in return they neglected to mention that their entire coast is one big oil well. The bastards. As if by magic, we were suddenly a democracy in which everyone had food and a vote and possibly a Nobel prize.
* World wars I and II. We were neutral and too busy building a welfare society to care what was happening down on The Continent. Sure, we allowed the Germans to use our railways and sold them stuff they needed, but in our defense, we stopped doing that after D-Day. Besides, we totally almost sort of kind of helped the Finns fight that evil dictator with a funny moustache, whatshisface... Stalin.
* 1940s-28 February 1986. Social democratic welfare state. Life was perfect. Everyone was rich. Everyone had a job. Everyone moved to the city and wrote a lot of books about eating tree bark. Ingmar Bergman, IKEA, ABBA and Björn Borg ruled and we were the shining beacon of democracy and civil rights and the envy of everyone except the Americans who kept getting us mixed up with the Swiss (if they thought of us at all).
* 1 March 1986-now. Our prime minister got killed by a wino (or possibly unspecified evil foreigners) and everything fell apart. Suddenly we're all unemployed and poor even though we're richer than we ever were. Conservatives started winning elections by promising to get us back to the social democratic welfare state. We get cheated out of a well-deserved Eurovision win every year. But at least we're better off than the Danes.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-08-09 04:05 am (UTC)(And the Scottish part of me is REALLY pissed now...)
no subject
Date: 2010-08-09 04:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-08-09 04:22 am (UTC)Awesome icon, btw
no subject
Date: 2010-08-09 04:27 am (UTC)So, does this mean that was you and that I've been dreaming of your real world experiences? Have you in turn been dreaming of watching a lot of Doctor Who and squeeing over Eleven?
I love that "me too" icon! And your gaspy one is super cute.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-09 04:40 am (UTC)So, let's review the evidence. We both:
- love Pride & Prejudice and East of Eden above all other books
- love Buffy above all other blonde girls with stakes
- love Spuffy above all other 'ships involving the previously mentioned kick-ass blonde girl
- wish S8 would get ahold of itself already!
- have the same Swedish and Scottish ancestry
- have the wit of queens (I added that one because I think we're pretty damn witty)
Verdict?
no subject
Date: 2010-08-09 04:53 am (UTC)Either that or we're different regenerated models of a timelord and we keep crossing paths in the timestream and thus it explains our slightly differentiations as brought forth through the process of regeneration.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-09 05:02 am (UTC)Also, apologies many to BeerGood for this hijacking of your journal. Forgive us. We just found out we're timelords. It's this whole thing.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-09 05:07 am (UTC)I wouldn't worry about Beer Good. I'm sure he'll find our being silly amusing. Plus, he'll be honored such important figures in the space time continuum graced his journal with our brilliant discourse.
no subject
Date: 2010-08-09 05:15 am (UTC)It's a heavy responsibility we share.