Game of Thrones 8.05

[beer_good_foamy]

"Lou Reed - The Bells (audio)" (Watch on YouTube)

So it's the last battle of the last war, and I guess it's about time to wrap up everyone's story arcs. So let's look at what people have learned or not learned over the course of eight seasons.

Write as if David Benioff and DB Weiss will get to finish your story if you don’t.

— matt tobey (@mtobey) 9 maj 2019

Daenerys has learned that being feared is better than being respected. This, of course, is forced upon her by everyone immediately deciding that her essentially giving up her series-long quest to help defeat the Army of Darkness just isn't enough reason to trust her. She's learned that getting cut off from your entire arc of breaking the wheel etc, once you've crossed the Narrow Sea and had all your trusted advisors either killed or succumbed to plot-related stupidity, leaves you with nothing but eMoTiOnS and your genetic destiny, as determined by a metaphorical coinflip. And so, yep, burn them all. "Bitches be crazy" - Benioff and Weiss, probably. (That said, Emilia Clarke is really working hard to sell it.)

Varys never learned when to leave well enough alone. He also never learned that not wanting the crown isn't, in and of itself, the one criterion that makes a great king. Or that doublecrossing people will probably force them to do the very thing you've been trying to get them to not do.

Tyrion has learned that all those seasons he spent being smarter and more loquacious than anyone else were pointless. Just give Cersei one more chance to listen to reason and say "please" and "forgive me" a lot, that'll do it, I'm sure. What happened to the guy who could talk his way out of anything? Again, all that wine can't have been good for him. (Yes, the scene between Tyrion and Jaime is nice, if overly TV-y.)

Jaime has learned that being incognito is stupid and that walking quickly so you don't miss the gate closing is for suckers. Also, that all those seasons of character development really aren't anything compared to the glory of dying at his sister's side. No plan, no hard decisions, just cling to Cersei like nothing else happened.

Cersei has learned... fuck knows. She was barely even in this season before she got to die helplessly. She deserved a better exit than this - not a more merciful one, but a more active one. Her reunion with Jaime in the map room was nice, though. ETA: Chuck Wendig suggests they should have leapt to their deaths from a window, like Bran, like Tommen, and damnit, now I wanted to see that. Still wouldn't have excused the lead-up, but at least give us that moment...

Urine Greyjoy did learn how to aim a ballista last week, he just forgot it again, so it's possible he just knows whatever he needs to know for whatever villainous shenanigans he needs to get up to in any one episode. (Granted, his pattern indicates two-dimensional thinking, and I'm just surprised the show didn't take the chance to overdub a Stuka scream to that dive-bombing mission.) Urine has also learned the art of contrived coincidences when he shows up at the beach, but hasn't learned that regulars (unlike soldier extras) take more than one stab to kill.

The Lannister army has learned to not follow orders and die pointlessly. Too bad Daenerys hasn't learned (or been genetically programmed) to accept victory.

Grey Worm has learned not to accept any leader but Daenerys. Which makes sense, after last week if nothing else, and the scene of him burning Missandei's collar had a point, but it's still slightly iffy to have the one remaining black character lead the charge against people whose only crime is NOT rebelling enough (for whatever reason they didn't).

The innocent citizens of Kings' Landing learn the hard way not to trust foreigners and women rulers. Or maybe they always knew this. Who can tell since they've never had a voice in the show before they needed to be killed off horribly. They, along with everyone else, have also learned not to comment on random wildfire going off all over the place with no apparent reason or plan. (It is a stunning piece of television, though.)

Jon Snow, as per usual, knows nothing. He hasn't learned to stand up to Daenerys, or to try to reason with her, or do anything except stand around looking sad. He still hasn't learned to lead troops in battle, instead he just stands around looking sad until things get out of hand and by the time he tries to stop it it's obviously too late. This will, with 99% certainty, win him a small lump of molten battered metal formerly known as the Iron Throne on which he can sit and look sad. For some reason.

Drogon has learned to demolish buildings with a single lick of flame. What's the Red Keep made of, porcelain? Wasn't this thing built by Targaryens? You'd think they'd have some sort of dragonproofing...

The Kingsguard hasn't learned to fight. This surprises no one.

Qyburn hasn't learned that Frankenstein's monster always turns upon Dr Frankenstein. Or rather, I guess he did learn that for half a second.

Sandor Clegane has learned how to take down a zombie. That was satisfactory, even if it did look a bit like a video game fight scene. He's also learned to care about Arya. That also.

The only one still learning something appears to be Arya. What colour are Daenerys' eyes, again? Are they really betting everything on people having forgotten how Hunger Games ended?

I looked and there before me was a pale horse. Its rider was named Death, and Hell was following close behind ...

Dontcha just love clever, innovative symbolism?