Script for the new Buffy movie!

[beer_good_foamy]

I suppose everyone has heard by now about the Kuzui's renewed attempts to "reboot" the Buffy franchise as a "darker, event-sized movie that would, of course, have franchise potential", with no involvement (so far) from Joss or any of the original actors - indeed, explicitly without any of the previous characters except possibly Buffy herself.

Obviously, like any good fan who hadn't had his morning coffee yet, my initial reaction was pretty much "RAAAAAAGE! How DARE they? They (allegedly) fucked up the original Buffy movie, they got paid for every single Buffyverse episode without ever setting foot on set, and now they want to redo the whole thing without Joss? Reboot this, this right here!"

Then I went "...Hang on." I mean, we're all in fanfic land here. Reboot things is what we do all the time - not to mention that as an avowed fan of The Sarah Connor Chronicles, I can't really be sure that it's going to be awful (well, apart from the involvement of the Kuzuis, that is). And come to think of it, there is a spot in canon which opens up a possibility for a completely different - and dark - take on Buffy. (Now, when the article talks about "darker" I'm assuming they just mean more sex and more violence, but let's ignore that.)

I'm talking, of course, of "Normal Again." Or rather its backstory. And the more I thought about it, the more I had to write it down. So given that the odds of the Kuzui movie getting made are probably slim to non-existant, I might as well post my take on how I would kick off a Buffy reboot. In script format, because that's how it came out. It's not very likely to ever continue, but here's the opening scene. ~1100 words.

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: A NEW HOPE BEGINNING FLAME SOMETHINGOROTHER

Teaser

OPENING NARRATION - DARK SCREEN

BUFFY (Voice-Over): When I was 15, I saw my first vampire.

CONT. NARRATION over cartoonish animation - think O-Ren Ishii's backstory in Kill Bill 'cept less squicky. Play something loud over it. Possibly the old Buffy theme.

ANIMATION: Vampires skulking in dark alleys, clubs, bus stations, and other vulnerable spots. Capturing victims, sucking their blood, that whole jazz. Establish that these are the bad guys. Hold back on the supernatural element, though; no rising from the grave, etc.

BUFFY (VO): Vampires. The undead. You know the deal. Evil, fangy suckers of innocent blood. Here's the sitch, as we used to say back in the day: they're real. I promise. But don't worry; into each generation a Slayer is born. One girl in all the world. The Chosen One. She alone will have the strength to stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of evil.

ANIMATION: 15-year-old Buffy looking spiffy with a stake in her hand, waving at the camera with a big grin.

BUFFY: Hi! It's me!

ANIMATION: Buffy slaying vampires (let's not show them dusting just yet). Buffy training. Buffy swinging a sword heroically. Buffy proudly burning down the gym, complete with vampires (not looking too vampy) in the windows screaming as they're burned alive.

BUFFY (VO): Which, of course, would have been peachy keen if vampires existed officially. And if they didn't look almost exactly like people. I mean, of course I can tell the difference, but...

ANIMATION: Cops arresting Buffy. Buffy in court, trying to describe a vampire. Buffy's parents crying in the stands. Judge stamping "INSANE" on a piece of paper. Orderlies hauling her off in a straitjacket. Doctor slamming the door to her padded cell and literally throwing away the key.

DARK SCREEN

BUFFY (VO): And so they forgot about me for half a lifetime. And all I could do was dream what might have been while the real world went on without a champion. I had friends, a family, lovers...

MONTAGE, ANIMATION: Buffy being "treated" in the mental hospital for 10-15 years (think T2 meets Cuckoo's Nest) intercut with her dreaming/fantasizing (different animation style, similar to the animated series) of growing up in Sunnydale battling the undead. Obviously with flashbacks to some of the iconic scenes of the show, though not specific enough to get us sued by the actors. Gradually do some cool rotoscoping thing as the animation becomes more realistic to land us in the real, non-animated world with...

BUFFY (VO): Of course, now I understand that none of that happened. I'm better now.

INTERIOR: Buffy's cell. Pan around with the camera to show yer typical nuthouse cell, padded walls, sturdy door, minimal furniture. Gradually come to rest on BUFFY lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Late 20s/early 30s, wearing hospital garb, an inscrutable look on her face that suggests anger, resignation, and just a little bit of Not Quite Right. Play some mood music. Personally I'd use Frank Zappa's "Outside Now."

These executives have plooked the fuck outta me
And there's still a long time to go before I've paid my debt to society.
And all I ever really wanted to do was play the guitar
'n bend the string like: 'reent-toont-teent-toont-teenooneenoonee'

I've got it!
I'll be sullen and withdrawn --
I'll dwindle off into the twilight realm of my own secret thoughts!
I'll lay on my back here 'til dawn, in a semi-catatonic state
And dream of guitar notes that would irritate an executive kinda guy...

Hold on Buffy until we hear a knock on the door.

ANGLE: Door

Opens and an ORDERLY (male, mid-30s, big and brutal-looking, tense, a scar on his cheek) steps in, carrying a bundle of ordinary clothes. He tosses them to Buffy who catches them without looking.

ORDERLY: If you ask me, they ought to have gotten rid of you long ago.

Buffy turns to him, regards him curiously, then:

BUFFY: Boo.

The orderly flinches, clearly scared of this tiny woman, and quickly steps back outside. Door slams shut. Buffy holds up her new clothes (ordinary drab street clothes, t-shirt and ill-fitting jeans), stares blankly at them for a few seconds. Then mechanically starts changing her clothes.

BUFFY (VO): And then the economy crashed, and the state dumped the mental patients on the streets.

EXTERIOR, EVENING: Mental hospital; think Arkham, a huge 19th century brick building with high walls and a huge metal gate. Dark, dreary grey weather.

ANGLE: Gate opens. Patients of various degrees of crazy come out, BUFFY among them. Some of them are confused and scared, others happy (in a semi-crazy way); some are babbling more or less coherently, others seem to barely be aware of their situation. Buffy just looks grimly ahead. Gate slams shut, and we see a small sign hanging on it saying "CLOSED."

ANGLE: The city surrounding the mental hospital. Not exactly post-apocalyptic, but definitely a 3rd-world version of the US; delapitated houses, broken-up pavement, beggars, 10 people in every car, etc.

ANGLE: The sun, starting to set. Something howls in the distance.

ANGLE: The former patients. Some of them starting to wander off, with purpose or just as their feet take them. Two of them, a man and a woman, both middle-aged, are talking quietly and anxiously to each other; they are KEN and RUBY. After a few seconds, Ruby walks up to Buffy and puts her hand on the younger woman's shoulder.

RUBY: Excuse me -

ANGLE: On Buffy as she WHIRLS AROUND on Ruby, her face wild, her fist ready to punch something. Ruby and Ken both yelp and step back. Buffy quickly brings herself under control and smiles, somewhat shaky.

BUFFY: Sorry, I thought you were one of the... someone else. Did you want something?

RUBY: I... I'm sorry, you just looked like you... we've been inside and we don't know anyone here, we...

KEN: We have nowhere to go.

ANGLE: On Buffy as she seems to make a decision and smiles.

BUFFY: DOn't worry. I know how to handle them. Just come with me and I'll keep you safe.

Buffy walks up to a nearby tree and breaks off a branch - a makeshift stake. Then she turns her back on the asylum and starts walking down the badly lit street. Ken and Ruby exchange a hesitant glance, then follow her into the shadows.

FADE

OPENING CREDITS

---

But that was just a bunch of imaginary notes I played... I'm not saying it'd be a good thing, but you never know. Plus, well, if the Kuzuis have the rights to the character it'd be - say it with me - canon and that can't be a bad thing, right? ;-)

Comments

[cozzybob.livejournal.com]

Doh! I meant various people furious with whats-her-face making the movie minus Joss--people seem to like your take! *wants* ^^

[stormwreath.livejournal.com]

That's rather darker than I like my Buffy, but it was well-written, probably better written than anything Vertigo might come up with...

I pretty much agree with your take on it. A reboot might actually be good... but it won't be 'Buffy'.

Not will it be part of the same canon as Seasons 1 - 8 plus 'Angel', unless Joss agrees to take the new movie into account when writing anything else Buffy-related. :-)

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

If its a reboot - and one where they don't even bother to give Joss a call - I doubt they'd care about a little detail like Merrick being dead.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

And I very much doubt that there'll be more to this - at least in this form. I might rewrite it and expand it a bit as a fic, but... I dunno.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks! And yeah, agree completely re: the Kuzuis.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Christina Hendricks as Buffy - now that I could live with. Yup. Definitely. Thanks!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Anything can be done if it's done by people who know what they're doing. But "Let's cash in while Twilight is hot" doesn't necessarily qualify, IMO... :-) Thanks!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Prrrrrrrobably not, but... you never know. *cancels vacation plans* :-) Thanks!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Consider yourself signed on! :-)

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

I'm guessing the vampires will be all SEXAY and non-bumpy.

Or the opposite - mindless animals indulging in pure violence porn. There seems to be little interest in proper intelligent horror movies in Hollywood these days.

it could also bring some new fans into the fandom, which can't be a bad thing.

You say that now; wait until you've seen 10,000 LJ posts arguing that Miley Cyrus is a much better Buffy than SMG... :-)

I just loved how Normal Again left it at such a vague note, what with the last show of the episode being of the mental institution.

Me too. Easily a top 10 episode for me.

[shakatany.livejournal.com]

Yeah I've just read further reports that basically they just want to redo the original movie :( I think your idea would've made a terrific re-imagining of the Buffy legend. Of course it's too imaginative for Hollywood suits.

Shakatany

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

Still... I don't have much faith in whats-her-face. Frankly, the original movie was horrible.

But if they do the same movie again with new actors, it's bound to be better! Right? Right...? :-)

Vertigo

I have to say I wasn't aware of them until yesterday. They have some excellent remakes under their belt (The Grudge, The Departed), some rather crap ones (Dark Water), and a couple I've refused to watch since they can only be worse than the original (The Uninvited, The Eye, Quarantine). Well, they certainly seem to have find their niche, at least. I wonder what they will call the new Buffy movie - The Slayer? The Vamped? The Buffy? ;-)

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

Not will it be part of the same canon

Unless Joss says it is, of course. What if they simply take Origin as their script and film that? Hmmm...

Joss Whedon, 1999: "The origin comic, though I have issues with it, CAN pretty much be accepted as canonical. They did a cool job of combining the movie script (the SCRIPT) with the series..."

Joss Whedon, 2009: "I hope it's cool."

The second comment is clearly a very clever allusion to the first. Continuity porn yay! :-)

[shapinglight]

I like this idea very much, though I might not actually watch it. Not a fan of horror films.

I'm not entirely against the idea of a Buffy reboot either, as I said. I would rather a complete reboot which I can completely ignore if I so choose than something that carries on from the show, given that not all the actors could reprise their roles, or (god forbid!) that made use of comics continuity.

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

This was quite clever and vivid. I can't imagine the Kuzuis coming up with anything near as sharp. They butchered Joss' vision the first time around.

[rayruz.livejournal.com]

I'm trying not to be ragey. It does seem though that they're getting money grubby after Star Trek. It's like "What else has a fanbase we can exploit?"

I'm just doing the deep breaths thing until we know more.

[framefolly.livejournal.com]

Nifty take! Fan writers RULE!

[urania-calliope.livejournal.com]

I'd watch if it were set in the 'wishverse'.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

This one would be easier to ignore than some other attempted reboots, yes. :-)

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

It's funny that apparently, the Kuzuis were the ones who - among other things - insisted that Buffy didn't get to burn the gym down. Now 17 years later they want to make it "darker." Ahem.

[shapinglight]

If whoever was making the reboot went with this idea I would happily watch it (provided it wasn't too horror film-y). Even if done well, I don't think it would impact on my enjoyment of the show.

A bad reboot I could ignore. A good reboot I would watch and stick in its own 'verse in my head. On the other hand, more BtVS from Joss either bad or good can't be totally ignored, no matter how much one would like to, and since IMO the Buffy comic makes it pretty clear that Joss doesn't really have anything else terribly interesting to say about these characters, better to let someone do something else with the franchise that won't impact on Joss's legacy at all. JMO.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Like I wrote over at shapinglight's journal:

- Do I want Buffy to be rebooted? Dunno. It could be done well - like I said on my own post, see Sarah Connor Chronicles [or by all means BSG] for a brilliant example. I don't think it needs to be done, but I'm not ruling out the possibility forever and ever amen as long as it's done by someone who gets why it was successful in the first place.
- Do I want this movie to be made? No. The Kuzuis don't deserve to make any more money than they already have off Buffy, going to the press without even having talked to Whedon is plain insulting, and their track record as film makers is risible. It's McSpaced (http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2008/mar/23/channel4.newscorporation) all over again.
- Will I burn down cinemas and send dead rats to Vertigo (AKA The Remake Factory) if it gets done? No. I'll just ignore it. It would have no more impact on my enjoyment of the TV series than... say, the existence of that Steve Martin movie has on my enjoyment of Peter Sellers' Pink Panther movies.

The TV series is the TV series and the TV series, as Joss himself pointed out, ended.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't mind more wishverse either. VampWillow yay!