Script for the new Buffy movie!

[beer_good_foamy]

I suppose everyone has heard by now about the Kuzui's renewed attempts to "reboot" the Buffy franchise as a "darker, event-sized movie that would, of course, have franchise potential", with no involvement (so far) from Joss or any of the original actors - indeed, explicitly without any of the previous characters except possibly Buffy herself.

Obviously, like any good fan who hadn't had his morning coffee yet, my initial reaction was pretty much "RAAAAAAGE! How DARE they? They (allegedly) fucked up the original Buffy movie, they got paid for every single Buffyverse episode without ever setting foot on set, and now they want to redo the whole thing without Joss? Reboot this, this right here!"

Then I went "...Hang on." I mean, we're all in fanfic land here. Reboot things is what we do all the time - not to mention that as an avowed fan of The Sarah Connor Chronicles, I can't really be sure that it's going to be awful (well, apart from the involvement of the Kuzuis, that is). And come to think of it, there is a spot in canon which opens up a possibility for a completely different - and dark - take on Buffy. (Now, when the article talks about "darker" I'm assuming they just mean more sex and more violence, but let's ignore that.)

I'm talking, of course, of "Normal Again." Or rather its backstory. And the more I thought about it, the more I had to write it down. So given that the odds of the Kuzui movie getting made are probably slim to non-existant, I might as well post my take on how I would kick off a Buffy reboot. In script format, because that's how it came out. It's not very likely to ever continue, but here's the opening scene. ~1100 words.

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: A NEW HOPE BEGINNING FLAME SOMETHINGOROTHER

Teaser

OPENING NARRATION - DARK SCREEN

BUFFY (Voice-Over): When I was 15, I saw my first vampire.

CONT. NARRATION over cartoonish animation - think O-Ren Ishii's backstory in Kill Bill 'cept less squicky. Play something loud over it. Possibly the old Buffy theme.

ANIMATION: Vampires skulking in dark alleys, clubs, bus stations, and other vulnerable spots. Capturing victims, sucking their blood, that whole jazz. Establish that these are the bad guys. Hold back on the supernatural element, though; no rising from the grave, etc.

BUFFY (VO): Vampires. The undead. You know the deal. Evil, fangy suckers of innocent blood. Here's the sitch, as we used to say back in the day: they're real. I promise. But don't worry; into each generation a Slayer is born. One girl in all the world. The Chosen One. She alone will have the strength to stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of evil.

ANIMATION: 15-year-old Buffy looking spiffy with a stake in her hand, waving at the camera with a big grin.

BUFFY: Hi! It's me!

ANIMATION: Buffy slaying vampires (let's not show them dusting just yet). Buffy training. Buffy swinging a sword heroically. Buffy proudly burning down the gym, complete with vampires (not looking too vampy) in the windows screaming as they're burned alive.

BUFFY (VO): Which, of course, would have been peachy keen if vampires existed officially. And if they didn't look almost exactly like people. I mean, of course I can tell the difference, but...

ANIMATION: Cops arresting Buffy. Buffy in court, trying to describe a vampire. Buffy's parents crying in the stands. Judge stamping "INSANE" on a piece of paper. Orderlies hauling her off in a straitjacket. Doctor slamming the door to her padded cell and literally throwing away the key.

DARK SCREEN

BUFFY (VO): And so they forgot about me for half a lifetime. And all I could do was dream what might have been while the real world went on without a champion. I had friends, a family, lovers...

MONTAGE, ANIMATION: Buffy being "treated" in the mental hospital for 10-15 years (think T2 meets Cuckoo's Nest) intercut with her dreaming/fantasizing (different animation style, similar to the animated series) of growing up in Sunnydale battling the undead. Obviously with flashbacks to some of the iconic scenes of the show, though not specific enough to get us sued by the actors. Gradually do some cool rotoscoping thing as the animation becomes more realistic to land us in the real, non-animated world with...

BUFFY (VO): Of course, now I understand that none of that happened. I'm better now.

INTERIOR: Buffy's cell. Pan around with the camera to show yer typical nuthouse cell, padded walls, sturdy door, minimal furniture. Gradually come to rest on BUFFY lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Late 20s/early 30s, wearing hospital garb, an inscrutable look on her face that suggests anger, resignation, and just a little bit of Not Quite Right. Play some mood music. Personally I'd use Frank Zappa's "Outside Now."

These executives have plooked the fuck outta me
And there's still a long time to go before I've paid my debt to society.
And all I ever really wanted to do was play the guitar
'n bend the string like: 'reent-toont-teent-toont-teenooneenoonee'

I've got it!
I'll be sullen and withdrawn --
I'll dwindle off into the twilight realm of my own secret thoughts!
I'll lay on my back here 'til dawn, in a semi-catatonic state
And dream of guitar notes that would irritate an executive kinda guy...

Hold on Buffy until we hear a knock on the door.

ANGLE: Door

Opens and an ORDERLY (male, mid-30s, big and brutal-looking, tense, a scar on his cheek) steps in, carrying a bundle of ordinary clothes. He tosses them to Buffy who catches them without looking.

ORDERLY: If you ask me, they ought to have gotten rid of you long ago.

Buffy turns to him, regards him curiously, then:

BUFFY: Boo.

The orderly flinches, clearly scared of this tiny woman, and quickly steps back outside. Door slams shut. Buffy holds up her new clothes (ordinary drab street clothes, t-shirt and ill-fitting jeans), stares blankly at them for a few seconds. Then mechanically starts changing her clothes.

BUFFY (VO): And then the economy crashed, and the state dumped the mental patients on the streets.

EXTERIOR, EVENING: Mental hospital; think Arkham, a huge 19th century brick building with high walls and a huge metal gate. Dark, dreary grey weather.

ANGLE: Gate opens. Patients of various degrees of crazy come out, BUFFY among them. Some of them are confused and scared, others happy (in a semi-crazy way); some are babbling more or less coherently, others seem to barely be aware of their situation. Buffy just looks grimly ahead. Gate slams shut, and we see a small sign hanging on it saying "CLOSED."

ANGLE: The city surrounding the mental hospital. Not exactly post-apocalyptic, but definitely a 3rd-world version of the US; delapitated houses, broken-up pavement, beggars, 10 people in every car, etc.

ANGLE: The sun, starting to set. Something howls in the distance.

ANGLE: The former patients. Some of them starting to wander off, with purpose or just as their feet take them. Two of them, a man and a woman, both middle-aged, are talking quietly and anxiously to each other; they are KEN and RUBY. After a few seconds, Ruby walks up to Buffy and puts her hand on the younger woman's shoulder.

RUBY: Excuse me -

ANGLE: On Buffy as she WHIRLS AROUND on Ruby, her face wild, her fist ready to punch something. Ruby and Ken both yelp and step back. Buffy quickly brings herself under control and smiles, somewhat shaky.

BUFFY: Sorry, I thought you were one of the... someone else. Did you want something?

RUBY: I... I'm sorry, you just looked like you... we've been inside and we don't know anyone here, we...

KEN: We have nowhere to go.

ANGLE: On Buffy as she seems to make a decision and smiles.

BUFFY: DOn't worry. I know how to handle them. Just come with me and I'll keep you safe.

Buffy walks up to a nearby tree and breaks off a branch - a makeshift stake. Then she turns her back on the asylum and starts walking down the badly lit street. Ken and Ruby exchange a hesitant glance, then follow her into the shadows.

FADE

OPENING CREDITS

---

But that was just a bunch of imaginary notes I played... I'm not saying it'd be a good thing, but you never know. Plus, well, if the Kuzuis have the rights to the character it'd be - say it with me - canon and that can't be a bad thing, right? ;-)

Comments

[thepadre.livejournal.com]

Actually, I really like your idea. I think the Kuzui's are flush with thoughts of success, especially after what JJ Abrams did for the Star Trek 'Verse. His story-line was rather clever and, in the end, they told a good story. The Main Ideas were not harmed. You can't destroy what is already considered Iconic. There have been oodles of bad Dracula movies, but Dracula survives to this day. Even to do a guest shot on BtVS.

In the hands of a talented Writer/Director, they could do with Buffy what Stanly Kubrick did for Beethoven's 9th Symphony. To this day, I cannot hear it and not think of Alex and his three Droogs, that being Pete, Georgie-Boy and Dim.

But I digress...

edited for crappy grammar

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

HA! Speaking of Clockwork Orange, I was actually going to end this scene with a Buffy voice-over saying "So I was cured, alright!" :-D

[deird1]

Oooh... I like...



(One of the good things about this movie, is that suddenly LJ has started frantically discussing things in interesting ways. That's always fun.)
:)

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

(And yeah. If nothing else, they've certainly managed to unite the fandom.)

[angearia.livejournal.com]

It's disturbing to think that Normal Again would be the reality and everything of BtVS would be a dream. But that was an interesting read.

But no! You're not allowed to make something interesting that's prompted from this Kuzui fiasco. I protest! Stop entertaining me. Desist sir!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

I'm actually still on the fence on which is the "real" Buffy. "Normal Again" is easily one of my favourite episodes, and I love that they never give it a 100% clear conclusion.

And if we can't laugh at it, then what can we do?

[frogfarm]

Out with anger, in with love! Talk about turning a frown upside down...

[fluffybkitty.livejournal.com]

I'd go watch the film if it had a premise like that.

Even with a different Buffy as long as the imposter looked close enough like SMG (not that that would be the happiest scenerio), because they could just play the differences off as the character being ten years older.

I'm not sure what other way this 'reboot' could go without being plain weird.

Maybe you should pitch this idea to them :).

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

Very interesting premise but I'm not sure I could watch. I don't mind a darker Buffy, but in the end , I need Buffy to be a hero.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks, and that's a very good point. I'm pretty sure - though not 100% - that if I were to write a full-length version of this, which I probably won't, Buffy would turn out to be correct about the vampires. Not quite sane, not quite trustworthy, but correct on that point and ultimately on the right side. "Just because you're paranoid don't mean they're not after you" and all that. :-)

[gillo]

At least this crackpot idea has inspired something worth paying attention to! What a bleak concept, but actually workable. Not with the Kuzuis on board, though...

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Maybe I could get Donald Sutherland on board? :-)

[snowpuppies]

Oooh, that's FUN. I've always wished they had played around with the mental ward idea more, and this is right there.

Btw, I'm ready for the next episode. :)

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

And I very much doubt that there'll be more to this - at least in this form. I might rewrite it and expand it a bit as a fic, but... I dunno.

[sentine.livejournal.com]

Here via a rec from sueworld2003 :)

I've always liked to play with the idea that "Normal Again" was the real thing. The premise of a darker, and not quite sane Buffy, is very interesting. At least your premise, because the Kuzuis? Not trusting them so much ;)

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks! And yeah, agree completely re: the Kuzuis.

[rebcake.livejournal.com]

Entirely as it should be. That the world's gone to heck without the Buffster to set things right just makes sense.

Your first commenter used a Christina Hendricks icon, so naturally I now want her to be the mature Buffy, soft from years of not killing demons. I love the idea of her imaginary Slayer life providing some skills, but being so much shinier than the reality.

Yes, I would pay real American dollars for this.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Christina Hendricks as Buffy - now that I could live with. Yup. Definitely. Thanks!

[rahirah]

That would be an interesting take on it, really. I don't have a lot of confidence in the ability of this particular lot to remake Buffy well, but that doesn't mean it can't be done.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Anything can be done if it's done by people who know what they're doing. But "Let's cash in while Twilight is hot" doesn't necessarily qualify, IMO... :-) Thanks!

[darkpoole.livejournal.com]

Nice! Can we see the next hundred pages sometime?

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Prrrrrrrobably not, but... you never know. *cancels vacation plans* :-) Thanks!

[ozma914.livejournal.com]

Sign me on!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Consider yourself signed on! :-)

[kseenaa.livejournal.com]

Well, well... Taking it in that light.... I think it would work to. Interesting look on it.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[goodbyebird]

I'm guessing the vampires will be all SEXAY and non-bumpy. We can always hope though, and it could also bring some new fans into the fandom, which can't be a bad thing.

And I dig your take on it. Doubt they'll go anywhere near something like this, but it could have been wicked cool. I just loved how Normal Again left it at such a vague note, what with the last show of the episode being of the mental institution.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

I'm guessing the vampires will be all SEXAY and non-bumpy.

Or the opposite - mindless animals indulging in pure violence porn. There seems to be little interest in proper intelligent horror movies in Hollywood these days.

it could also bring some new fans into the fandom, which can't be a bad thing.

You say that now; wait until you've seen 10,000 LJ posts arguing that Miley Cyrus is a much better Buffy than SMG... :-)

I just loved how Normal Again left it at such a vague note, what with the last show of the episode being of the mental institution.

Me too. Easily a top 10 episode for me.

[cozzybob.livejournal.com]

Oooooooooh! Found this through various people furious over the idea, but I think your idea would be a great one! Always been a fan of Normal Again, and this could prove to be a truly vicious AU. Yay for dark!

Still... I don't have much faith in whats-her-face. Frankly, the original movie was horrible. The only thing I have going for me right now on the people involved is Vertigo--oh how I love Vertigo. Wah!

Conflicted. If there IS a movie, I hope it's like this! I wonder if there's a way to contact whats-her-face and propose the idea? It's bound to be better than the shit she's probably considering. xD

(That said, the only other way I can see this movie being pulled off successfully is starting with a new slayer / generation entirely. *ponders*)

[cozzybob.livejournal.com]

Doh! I meant various people furious with whats-her-face making the movie minus Joss--people seem to like your take! *wants* ^^

[stormwreath.livejournal.com]

That's rather darker than I like my Buffy, but it was well-written, probably better written than anything Vertigo might come up with...

I pretty much agree with your take on it. A reboot might actually be good... but it won't be 'Buffy'.

Not will it be part of the same canon as Seasons 1 - 8 plus 'Angel', unless Joss agrees to take the new movie into account when writing anything else Buffy-related. :-)

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

Not will it be part of the same canon

Unless Joss says it is, of course. What if they simply take Origin as their script and film that? Hmmm...

Joss Whedon, 1999: "The origin comic, though I have issues with it, CAN pretty much be accepted as canonical. They did a cool job of combining the movie script (the SCRIPT) with the series..."

Joss Whedon, 2009: "I hope it's cool."

The second comment is clearly a very clever allusion to the first. Continuity porn yay! :-)

[shapinglight]

I like this idea very much, though I might not actually watch it. Not a fan of horror films.

I'm not entirely against the idea of a Buffy reboot either, as I said. I would rather a complete reboot which I can completely ignore if I so choose than something that carries on from the show, given that not all the actors could reprise their roles, or (god forbid!) that made use of comics continuity.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

This one would be easier to ignore than some other attempted reboots, yes. :-)

[brunettepet.livejournal.com]

This was quite clever and vivid. I can't imagine the Kuzuis coming up with anything near as sharp. They butchered Joss' vision the first time around.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

It's funny that apparently, the Kuzuis were the ones who - among other things - insisted that Buffy didn't get to burn the gym down. Now 17 years later they want to make it "darker." Ahem.

[rayruz.livejournal.com]

I'm trying not to be ragey. It does seem though that they're getting money grubby after Star Trek. It's like "What else has a fanbase we can exploit?"

I'm just doing the deep breaths thing until we know more.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Like I wrote over at shapinglight's journal:

- Do I want Buffy to be rebooted? Dunno. It could be done well - like I said on my own post, see Sarah Connor Chronicles [or by all means BSG] for a brilliant example. I don't think it needs to be done, but I'm not ruling out the possibility forever and ever amen as long as it's done by someone who gets why it was successful in the first place.
- Do I want this movie to be made? No. The Kuzuis don't deserve to make any more money than they already have off Buffy, going to the press without even having talked to Whedon is plain insulting, and their track record as film makers is risible. It's McSpaced (http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2008/mar/23/channel4.newscorporation) all over again.
- Will I burn down cinemas and send dead rats to Vertigo (AKA The Remake Factory) if it gets done? No. I'll just ignore it. It would have no more impact on my enjoyment of the TV series than... say, the existence of that Steve Martin movie has on my enjoyment of Peter Sellers' Pink Panther movies.

The TV series is the TV series and the TV series, as Joss himself pointed out, ended.

[framefolly.livejournal.com]

Nifty take! Fan writers RULE!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[urania-calliope.livejournal.com]

I'd watch if it were set in the 'wishverse'.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't mind more wishverse either. VampWillow yay!

[mangosorbet007.livejournal.com]

You know, a sure sign that I have read too many essays with atrocious spelling is that I can read this:

ANGLE: Door

and think: But why is Angel saying "Door"?

Anyway, I like your take, would watch, A+++.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Heh, you have no idea how many times I checked those lines to make sure I hadn't accidentally written Angel in there... :-) Thanks!

[missus-grace.livejournal.com]

I love this idea. Me being a die-hard James Marsters fan, would add Spike to the cast as the bad guy he used to be. Don't care if he goes all noble or stays bad...if Buffy isn't SMG then the chemistry isn't right for Spuffy.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

Well, theoretically, James could play someone who's worked at the asylum. That would explain how he ended up in Buffy's dreams. :-)

[riccadonna.livejournal.com]

This is extremely good, pity it's just a glimpse, but a very accurate and deep one, and I enjoyed it.
Who cares about the Kuzuis acting up, we've got you!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

*blushes* Thanks!

[dolnmoon.livejournal.com]

Awesome and very interesting. I like the direction from Normal Again starting anew building a new verse without destroying the old one. Let Kuzui's have their folly it will never be as good as this idea.

Stands and Applauds (loudly)

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks a bunch!