Script for the new Buffy movie!
May. 26th, 2009 07:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beer_good_foamyI suppose everyone has heard by now about the Kuzui's renewed attempts to "reboot" the Buffy franchise as a "darker, event-sized movie that would, of course, have franchise potential", with no involvement (so far) from Joss or any of the original actors - indeed, explicitly without any of the previous characters except possibly Buffy herself.
Obviously, like any good fan who hadn't had his morning coffee yet, my initial reaction was pretty much "RAAAAAAGE! How DARE they? They (allegedly) fucked up the original Buffy movie, they got paid for every single Buffyverse episode without ever setting foot on set, and now they want to redo the whole thing without Joss? Reboot this, this right here!"
Then I went "...Hang on." I mean, we're all in fanfic land here. Reboot things is what we do all the time - not to mention that as an avowed fan of The Sarah Connor Chronicles, I can't really be sure that it's going to be awful (well, apart from the involvement of the Kuzuis, that is). And come to think of it, there is a spot in canon which opens up a possibility for a completely different - and dark - take on Buffy. (Now, when the article talks about "darker" I'm assuming they just mean more sex and more violence, but let's ignore that.)
I'm talking, of course, of "Normal Again." Or rather its backstory. And the more I thought about it, the more I had to write it down. So given that the odds of the Kuzui movie getting made are probably slim to non-existant, I might as well post my take on how I would kick off a Buffy reboot. In script format, because that's how it came out. It's not very likely to ever continue, but here's the opening scene. ~1100 words.
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: A NEW HOPE BEGINNING FLAME SOMETHINGOROTHER
Teaser
OPENING NARRATION - DARK SCREEN
BUFFY (Voice-Over): When I was 15, I saw my first vampire.
CONT. NARRATION over cartoonish animation - think O-Ren Ishii's backstory in Kill Bill 'cept less squicky. Play something loud over it. Possibly the old Buffy theme.
ANIMATION: Vampires skulking in dark alleys, clubs, bus stations, and other vulnerable spots. Capturing victims, sucking their blood, that whole jazz. Establish that these are the bad guys. Hold back on the supernatural element, though; no rising from the grave, etc.
BUFFY (VO): Vampires. The undead. You know the deal. Evil, fangy suckers of innocent blood. Here's the sitch, as we used to say back in the day: they're real. I promise. But don't worry; into each generation a Slayer is born. One girl in all the world. The Chosen One. She alone will have the strength to stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of evil.
ANIMATION: 15-year-old Buffy looking spiffy with a stake in her hand, waving at the camera with a big grin.
BUFFY: Hi! It's me!
ANIMATION: Buffy slaying vampires (let's not show them dusting just yet). Buffy training. Buffy swinging a sword heroically. Buffy proudly burning down the gym, complete with vampires (not looking too vampy) in the windows screaming as they're burned alive.
BUFFY (VO): Which, of course, would have been peachy keen if vampires existed officially. And if they didn't look almost exactly like people. I mean, of course I can tell the difference, but...
ANIMATION: Cops arresting Buffy. Buffy in court, trying to describe a vampire. Buffy's parents crying in the stands. Judge stamping "INSANE" on a piece of paper. Orderlies hauling her off in a straitjacket. Doctor slamming the door to her padded cell and literally throwing away the key.
DARK SCREEN
BUFFY (VO): And so they forgot about me for half a lifetime. And all I could do was dream what might have been while the real world went on without a champion. I had friends, a family, lovers...
MONTAGE, ANIMATION: Buffy being "treated" in the mental hospital for 10-15 years (think T2 meets Cuckoo's Nest) intercut with her dreaming/fantasizing (different animation style, similar to the animated series) of growing up in Sunnydale battling the undead. Obviously with flashbacks to some of the iconic scenes of the show, though not specific enough to get us sued by the actors. Gradually do some cool rotoscoping thing as the animation becomes more realistic to land us in the real, non-animated world with...
BUFFY (VO): Of course, now I understand that none of that happened. I'm better now.
INTERIOR: Buffy's cell. Pan around with the camera to show yer typical nuthouse cell, padded walls, sturdy door, minimal furniture. Gradually come to rest on BUFFY lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Late 20s/early 30s, wearing hospital garb, an inscrutable look on her face that suggests anger, resignation, and just a little bit of Not Quite Right. Play some mood music. Personally I'd use Frank Zappa's "Outside Now."
These executives have plooked the fuck outta me
And there's still a long time to go before I've paid my debt to society.
And all I ever really wanted to do was play the guitar
'n bend the string like: 'reent-toont-teent-toont-teenooneenoonee'
I've got it!
I'll be sullen and withdrawn --
I'll dwindle off into the twilight realm of my own secret thoughts!
I'll lay on my back here 'til dawn, in a semi-catatonic state
And dream of guitar notes that would irritate an executive kinda guy...
Hold on Buffy until we hear a knock on the door.
ANGLE: Door
Opens and an ORDERLY (male, mid-30s, big and brutal-looking, tense, a scar on his cheek) steps in, carrying a bundle of ordinary clothes. He tosses them to Buffy who catches them without looking.
ORDERLY: If you ask me, they ought to have gotten rid of you long ago.
Buffy turns to him, regards him curiously, then:
BUFFY: Boo.
The orderly flinches, clearly scared of this tiny woman, and quickly steps back outside. Door slams shut. Buffy holds up her new clothes (ordinary drab street clothes, t-shirt and ill-fitting jeans), stares blankly at them for a few seconds. Then mechanically starts changing her clothes.
BUFFY (VO): And then the economy crashed, and the state dumped the mental patients on the streets.
EXTERIOR, EVENING: Mental hospital; think Arkham, a huge 19th century brick building with high walls and a huge metal gate. Dark, dreary grey weather.
ANGLE: Gate opens. Patients of various degrees of crazy come out, BUFFY among them. Some of them are confused and scared, others happy (in a semi-crazy way); some are babbling more or less coherently, others seem to barely be aware of their situation. Buffy just looks grimly ahead. Gate slams shut, and we see a small sign hanging on it saying "CLOSED."
ANGLE: The city surrounding the mental hospital. Not exactly post-apocalyptic, but definitely a 3rd-world version of the US; delapitated houses, broken-up pavement, beggars, 10 people in every car, etc.
ANGLE: The sun, starting to set. Something howls in the distance.
ANGLE: The former patients. Some of them starting to wander off, with purpose or just as their feet take them. Two of them, a man and a woman, both middle-aged, are talking quietly and anxiously to each other; they are KEN and RUBY. After a few seconds, Ruby walks up to Buffy and puts her hand on the younger woman's shoulder.
RUBY: Excuse me -
ANGLE: On Buffy as she WHIRLS AROUND on Ruby, her face wild, her fist ready to punch something. Ruby and Ken both yelp and step back. Buffy quickly brings herself under control and smiles, somewhat shaky.
BUFFY: Sorry, I thought you were one of the... someone else. Did you want something?
RUBY: I... I'm sorry, you just looked like you... we've been inside and we don't know anyone here, we...
KEN: We have nowhere to go.
ANGLE: On Buffy as she seems to make a decision and smiles.
BUFFY: DOn't worry. I know how to handle them. Just come with me and I'll keep you safe.
Buffy walks up to a nearby tree and breaks off a branch - a makeshift stake. Then she turns her back on the asylum and starts walking down the badly lit street. Ken and Ruby exchange a hesitant glance, then follow her into the shadows.
FADE
OPENING CREDITS
But that was just a bunch of imaginary notes I played... I'm not saying it'd be a good thing, but you never know. Plus, well, if the Kuzuis have the rights to the character it'd be - say it with me - canon and that can't be a bad thing, right? ;-)
Obviously, like any good fan who hadn't had his morning coffee yet, my initial reaction was pretty much "RAAAAAAGE! How DARE they? They (allegedly) fucked up the original Buffy movie, they got paid for every single Buffyverse episode without ever setting foot on set, and now they want to redo the whole thing without Joss? Reboot this, this right here!"
Then I went "...Hang on." I mean, we're all in fanfic land here. Reboot things is what we do all the time - not to mention that as an avowed fan of The Sarah Connor Chronicles, I can't really be sure that it's going to be awful (well, apart from the involvement of the Kuzuis, that is). And come to think of it, there is a spot in canon which opens up a possibility for a completely different - and dark - take on Buffy. (Now, when the article talks about "darker" I'm assuming they just mean more sex and more violence, but let's ignore that.)
I'm talking, of course, of "Normal Again." Or rather its backstory. And the more I thought about it, the more I had to write it down. So given that the odds of the Kuzui movie getting made are probably slim to non-existant, I might as well post my take on how I would kick off a Buffy reboot. In script format, because that's how it came out. It's not very likely to ever continue, but here's the opening scene. ~1100 words.
Teaser
OPENING NARRATION - DARK SCREEN
BUFFY (Voice-Over): When I was 15, I saw my first vampire.
CONT. NARRATION over cartoonish animation - think O-Ren Ishii's backstory in Kill Bill 'cept less squicky. Play something loud over it. Possibly the old Buffy theme.
ANIMATION: Vampires skulking in dark alleys, clubs, bus stations, and other vulnerable spots. Capturing victims, sucking their blood, that whole jazz. Establish that these are the bad guys. Hold back on the supernatural element, though; no rising from the grave, etc.
BUFFY (VO): Vampires. The undead. You know the deal. Evil, fangy suckers of innocent blood. Here's the sitch, as we used to say back in the day: they're real. I promise. But don't worry; into each generation a Slayer is born. One girl in all the world. The Chosen One. She alone will have the strength to stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of evil.
ANIMATION: 15-year-old Buffy looking spiffy with a stake in her hand, waving at the camera with a big grin.
BUFFY: Hi! It's me!
ANIMATION: Buffy slaying vampires (let's not show them dusting just yet). Buffy training. Buffy swinging a sword heroically. Buffy proudly burning down the gym, complete with vampires (not looking too vampy) in the windows screaming as they're burned alive.
BUFFY (VO): Which, of course, would have been peachy keen if vampires existed officially. And if they didn't look almost exactly like people. I mean, of course I can tell the difference, but...
ANIMATION: Cops arresting Buffy. Buffy in court, trying to describe a vampire. Buffy's parents crying in the stands. Judge stamping "INSANE" on a piece of paper. Orderlies hauling her off in a straitjacket. Doctor slamming the door to her padded cell and literally throwing away the key.
DARK SCREEN
BUFFY (VO): And so they forgot about me for half a lifetime. And all I could do was dream what might have been while the real world went on without a champion. I had friends, a family, lovers...
MONTAGE, ANIMATION: Buffy being "treated" in the mental hospital for 10-15 years (think T2 meets Cuckoo's Nest) intercut with her dreaming/fantasizing (different animation style, similar to the animated series) of growing up in Sunnydale battling the undead. Obviously with flashbacks to some of the iconic scenes of the show, though not specific enough to get us sued by the actors. Gradually do some cool rotoscoping thing as the animation becomes more realistic to land us in the real, non-animated world with...
BUFFY (VO): Of course, now I understand that none of that happened. I'm better now.
INTERIOR: Buffy's cell. Pan around with the camera to show yer typical nuthouse cell, padded walls, sturdy door, minimal furniture. Gradually come to rest on BUFFY lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Late 20s/early 30s, wearing hospital garb, an inscrutable look on her face that suggests anger, resignation, and just a little bit of Not Quite Right. Play some mood music. Personally I'd use Frank Zappa's "Outside Now."
These executives have plooked the fuck outta me
And there's still a long time to go before I've paid my debt to society.
And all I ever really wanted to do was play the guitar
'n bend the string like: 'reent-toont-teent-toont-teenooneenoonee'
I've got it!
I'll be sullen and withdrawn --
I'll dwindle off into the twilight realm of my own secret thoughts!
I'll lay on my back here 'til dawn, in a semi-catatonic state
And dream of guitar notes that would irritate an executive kinda guy...
Hold on Buffy until we hear a knock on the door.
ANGLE: Door
Opens and an ORDERLY (male, mid-30s, big and brutal-looking, tense, a scar on his cheek) steps in, carrying a bundle of ordinary clothes. He tosses them to Buffy who catches them without looking.
ORDERLY: If you ask me, they ought to have gotten rid of you long ago.
Buffy turns to him, regards him curiously, then:
BUFFY: Boo.
The orderly flinches, clearly scared of this tiny woman, and quickly steps back outside. Door slams shut. Buffy holds up her new clothes (ordinary drab street clothes, t-shirt and ill-fitting jeans), stares blankly at them for a few seconds. Then mechanically starts changing her clothes.
BUFFY (VO): And then the economy crashed, and the state dumped the mental patients on the streets.
EXTERIOR, EVENING: Mental hospital; think Arkham, a huge 19th century brick building with high walls and a huge metal gate. Dark, dreary grey weather.
ANGLE: Gate opens. Patients of various degrees of crazy come out, BUFFY among them. Some of them are confused and scared, others happy (in a semi-crazy way); some are babbling more or less coherently, others seem to barely be aware of their situation. Buffy just looks grimly ahead. Gate slams shut, and we see a small sign hanging on it saying "CLOSED."
ANGLE: The city surrounding the mental hospital. Not exactly post-apocalyptic, but definitely a 3rd-world version of the US; delapitated houses, broken-up pavement, beggars, 10 people in every car, etc.
ANGLE: The sun, starting to set. Something howls in the distance.
ANGLE: The former patients. Some of them starting to wander off, with purpose or just as their feet take them. Two of them, a man and a woman, both middle-aged, are talking quietly and anxiously to each other; they are KEN and RUBY. After a few seconds, Ruby walks up to Buffy and puts her hand on the younger woman's shoulder.
RUBY: Excuse me -
ANGLE: On Buffy as she WHIRLS AROUND on Ruby, her face wild, her fist ready to punch something. Ruby and Ken both yelp and step back. Buffy quickly brings herself under control and smiles, somewhat shaky.
BUFFY: Sorry, I thought you were one of the... someone else. Did you want something?
RUBY: I... I'm sorry, you just looked like you... we've been inside and we don't know anyone here, we...
KEN: We have nowhere to go.
ANGLE: On Buffy as she seems to make a decision and smiles.
BUFFY: DOn't worry. I know how to handle them. Just come with me and I'll keep you safe.
Buffy walks up to a nearby tree and breaks off a branch - a makeshift stake. Then she turns her back on the asylum and starts walking down the badly lit street. Ken and Ruby exchange a hesitant glance, then follow her into the shadows.
FADE
OPENING CREDITS
But that was just a bunch of imaginary notes I played... I'm not saying it'd be a good thing, but you never know. Plus, well, if the Kuzuis have the rights to the character it'd be - say it with me - canon and that can't be a bad thing, right? ;-)
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Date: 2009-05-26 11:41 pm (UTC)