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beer_good_foamyThis is the ninth and final (phew) chapter of "Atonement's a Bitch", a series of more or less stand-alone missing scenes about Faith's reintegration into the gang in s7. The first 6 scenes can be found here, and scenes 7 and 8 here.
They Who Hang Out In Cemeteries
Author's note: Missing scene from "Chosen". Contains some flashbacks to season 3, written by various employees of the good ship Mutant Enemy.
They didn’t know it at the time, at least not consciously, but it was a last goodbye. Maybe it was time they should have spent training or going over strategy, but then again, maybe they had some important reason for doing this. Or maybe they were just trying to come up with a reason to put off certain death by another hour. So as potentials, principals and guestages made the final preparations for the attack on the hellmouth, the long-timers decided to stretch their legs. And for reasons nobody wanted to say out loud, the empty streets of Sunnydale all seemed to lead to Restfield Cemetery.
They wandered among the gravestones, unaccustomed to seeing them in the daylight, giving their respects to the people who had stayed in Sunnydale when all the ones still alive cleared out and stopping for a last talk with the ones who really mattered. The group thinned out as they moved along, Giles staying with Jenny, Willow with Tara, Buffy and Dawn with Joyce, and Xander with Jesse... until Faith found herself walking alone through the city of the dead. She had told herself she was going along as extra muscle – it looked like she was probably about to get herself killed for their sake, so she might as well get in on the action as soon as possible. But what was she doing here? There was nobody here she needed to talk to. Maybe she could have had a few words for Joyce, but what's the point, and besides with B and her sister there... no way in hell. As far as Faith was concerned, graveyards were hunting grounds and nothing more; her own mother’s funeral had been a quick, state-sponsored deal, she’d never bothered to visit the grave despite the occasional drunken promise to piss on it, and since then all her visits had been about killing things. She should be getting ready for the fight, not walking around here looking at huge crypts like –
Oh.
Him.
WILKINS FAMILY CRYPT. She stood there staring at the Mayor's grave, hands frozen in her pockets. Was this that cosmic irony thing people talk about? Trying to pretend she was part of the group, only to have this shoved in her face? Fuck it. There was a battle coming up, she didn't have time for this. Besides, it wasn't like she was going to start chatting with few slabs of marble. That just wasn’t her. She had almost managed to turn away from the monument when she heard his voice.
Nobody knows what you are. Not even you, little Miss Seen-it-all.
"Who's there?" She whipped her head around, trying to find the source of the voice... then realized it wasn’t the First, or any Slayer visions, but just her memories playing tricks on her again. For all the difference that made. STOP it. This was probably the last place she should be visiting right now – hey, wicked idea: give them another reason to doubt you. Psycho killer visiting her evil dead boss, that’s definitely someone you want in your corner for the big fight. Why wasn't she walking away before someone saw her? It's not like a big demon being dead and gone was a bad thing, or like she... missed him or anything. Not like seeing him again the other night had made her feel like nothing else had done these last four years. Not like she could remember every single word he ever told her.
I think of what you've done, what I know you will do... no father could be prouder.
"You fucking liar", she muttered. "You didn’t care anymore than all the others. You just used me." So what was with the allergy? Faith blinked once, twice, then gave up and ran her sleeve across her eyes, sucking it up before she kicked the marble wall as hard as she could. "You fucking LIAR!"
She was too upset to hear the approaching footsteps. "Uh... you know there's no one in there, right?" Faith spun around as Buffy spoke up from behind her. "I mean, I know it says ‘family crypt’, but it was the same guy all along... plus, we blew him up."
Faith shot her a dark look. "You really sure you wanna be remindin' me of that, B?"
"Faith, he was..."
"Evil, I know. And evil is evil. Don’t ever change, right? Just another monster. World's better off without it." I know you'll always have me, Faith. I'm the best, the most important friend you'll ever have. "Bullshit. Fucker."
"What?"
"Not you." Faith crouched down, grabbed a fistful of grass and dirt and hurled against the monument. She took a couple of deep breaths, steadying herself, trying to regain control of her emotions. The hell with it, they were gonna die soon. "You know, he came to me the other day. As The First. Woody says The First tells the truth sometimes."
Buffy nodded reluctantly. "Sometimes. Not always, but sometimes."
"Well, he told me two things: that he loved me, and that you're gonna get us all killed. So which is it? Whose side are we on, B? I mean, we're gonna open the Hellmouth, isn't that what you've been trying to stop all these years?"
"Hey, I'm just winging it. That's all I've ever done." Buffy shrugged and squatted beside Faith. "You're the Slayer too, what do you think? And don't roll your eyes like that. We're about to either change or end the world based on something I may have dreamed, and I really want your opinion here."
"Went along with your idea, didn'I? Which I guess means..." Faith leaned her head back, looking up at the sky. "You really wanna know what I think? I think it was all a big lie, Buffy. Everything... My whole life I thought there was just this one single person who seemed to really give a rat's ass about me. Not just as something to hit or hit on or have hit something, but ME. That's not an excuse, I mean he never held a gun to my head, but I woulda walked to hell and back for him. I was an idiot, but it still..." She looked at Buffy. "Let's not shit ourselves. I kill stuff. That's all I was ever good at, at least when I manage to kill the right stuff. That's why I'm here. Point where you want me and I'll go, I got your back and I'm gonna take a bunch of'em with me. But don't expect me to do your job."
Buffy nodded slowly as she fiddled with something in the bag she had across her shoulders. For a while, no one said anything until Buffy broke the silence. "Did you ever hear how we got him?"
"Yeah." Faith scrunched her face up in involuntary disgust. "You tricked him into the school and blew it up. Shitty way to kill someone if you ask me. "
"OK, granted, not my most honorable slay ever, but... I mean, he was 70 feet long, we could never have beaten him. We had flamethrowers and they were useless. He was winning. Until I reminded him of what... what I did to you. That hurt him. He got stupid, and I killed him."
Faith took this in. "Huh."
"Don't ask me to not think it's weird, but... for what it's worth, you were his weak spot. I mean, he was still evil. I wanna stress that. But I think he really did... I mean, he gave everything up for you, that's..."
"I get it, B." Damnit, she was not going to choke up in front of Buffy. No way. She bit down hard on the inside of her cheek.
"Human weakness never goes away. You told me that." Buffy frowned. "I think. There was this whole dream thing..."
"I remember." Faith spat, the loogie as red-tinged as her eyes. "Doesn’t sound very comforting right now though... weakness, I mean."
"Nope. Which is why we have weapons. Like, uh, this one." Buffy reached into her bag and produced something that had been gathering dust in her weapons chest for years.
Faith stared as the sunlight danced across the double blade. The blood had long since been cleaned off, and the knife looked just as deadly as it had on the day she first saw it. She still remembered unwrapping it, thinking it was the best gift anyone had ever given her. And all the shit that had followed. This is a thing of beauty, boss. It scared her how much she still thought so. "That's..." She swallowed. "That was mine."
"You're about to get it back.". Buffy carefully grabbed the knife by its blade and offered it to the other girl, handle first.
Faith was torn between wanting to grab it and wanting to back away. She shook her head. "And here was me thinking you were the smart one. What the hell makes you think this is a good idea?"
"I guess because..." Buffy cocked her head, regarding the knife thoughtfully. "This isn't The Wild Bunch, Faith. We're not going in there to die; we're going in there to win. It's not just my job, it's all of us...es... ours... you know what I mean. That's the whole point." She gestured around at the surrounding graves. "That's why we're all here right now: because we have something worth fighting for, because we had people who believed in us. Whether you and I think they should or not, the other girls trust you. But the only one who can decide if it's worth it to you... is you."
Faith slowly reached out and took the knife in her right hand, feeling the way it molded itself to her palm as if it had been hand-crafted to fit no one but her. It was so perfectly balanced, so easy to tip either way. Sharp on all sides.
The Ascension isn't just my day. It's yours too. Your day to blossom, to show the world what a powerful girl you are.
"So anyway..." Buffy got to her feet. "I think we should get going. We only get to do this once, and it's not gonna be easy."
Faith shrugged, still staring at the knife. "Who knows. Maybe it’s our day."
"Yeah. Maybe." Buffy nodded, turned her back on Faith and walked away towards the others.
Faith remained where she was for a few moments, watching her own reflection in the blade. She looked up at the grave and nodded slowly to herself. Then she stood up, stuck the knife in her belt, spat in the dirt and strode off to save the world.
END
They Who Hang Out In Cemeteries
Author's note: Missing scene from "Chosen". Contains some flashbacks to season 3, written by various employees of the good ship Mutant Enemy.
They didn’t know it at the time, at least not consciously, but it was a last goodbye. Maybe it was time they should have spent training or going over strategy, but then again, maybe they had some important reason for doing this. Or maybe they were just trying to come up with a reason to put off certain death by another hour. So as potentials, principals and guestages made the final preparations for the attack on the hellmouth, the long-timers decided to stretch their legs. And for reasons nobody wanted to say out loud, the empty streets of Sunnydale all seemed to lead to Restfield Cemetery.
They wandered among the gravestones, unaccustomed to seeing them in the daylight, giving their respects to the people who had stayed in Sunnydale when all the ones still alive cleared out and stopping for a last talk with the ones who really mattered. The group thinned out as they moved along, Giles staying with Jenny, Willow with Tara, Buffy and Dawn with Joyce, and Xander with Jesse... until Faith found herself walking alone through the city of the dead. She had told herself she was going along as extra muscle – it looked like she was probably about to get herself killed for their sake, so she might as well get in on the action as soon as possible. But what was she doing here? There was nobody here she needed to talk to. Maybe she could have had a few words for Joyce, but what's the point, and besides with B and her sister there... no way in hell. As far as Faith was concerned, graveyards were hunting grounds and nothing more; her own mother’s funeral had been a quick, state-sponsored deal, she’d never bothered to visit the grave despite the occasional drunken promise to piss on it, and since then all her visits had been about killing things. She should be getting ready for the fight, not walking around here looking at huge crypts like –
Oh.
Him.
WILKINS FAMILY CRYPT. She stood there staring at the Mayor's grave, hands frozen in her pockets. Was this that cosmic irony thing people talk about? Trying to pretend she was part of the group, only to have this shoved in her face? Fuck it. There was a battle coming up, she didn't have time for this. Besides, it wasn't like she was going to start chatting with few slabs of marble. That just wasn’t her. She had almost managed to turn away from the monument when she heard his voice.
Nobody knows what you are. Not even you, little Miss Seen-it-all.
"Who's there?" She whipped her head around, trying to find the source of the voice... then realized it wasn’t the First, or any Slayer visions, but just her memories playing tricks on her again. For all the difference that made. STOP it. This was probably the last place she should be visiting right now – hey, wicked idea: give them another reason to doubt you. Psycho killer visiting her evil dead boss, that’s definitely someone you want in your corner for the big fight. Why wasn't she walking away before someone saw her? It's not like a big demon being dead and gone was a bad thing, or like she... missed him or anything. Not like seeing him again the other night had made her feel like nothing else had done these last four years. Not like she could remember every single word he ever told her.
I think of what you've done, what I know you will do... no father could be prouder.
"You fucking liar", she muttered. "You didn’t care anymore than all the others. You just used me." So what was with the allergy? Faith blinked once, twice, then gave up and ran her sleeve across her eyes, sucking it up before she kicked the marble wall as hard as she could. "You fucking LIAR!"
She was too upset to hear the approaching footsteps. "Uh... you know there's no one in there, right?" Faith spun around as Buffy spoke up from behind her. "I mean, I know it says ‘family crypt’, but it was the same guy all along... plus, we blew him up."
Faith shot her a dark look. "You really sure you wanna be remindin' me of that, B?"
"Faith, he was..."
"Evil, I know. And evil is evil. Don’t ever change, right? Just another monster. World's better off without it." I know you'll always have me, Faith. I'm the best, the most important friend you'll ever have. "Bullshit. Fucker."
"What?"
"Not you." Faith crouched down, grabbed a fistful of grass and dirt and hurled against the monument. She took a couple of deep breaths, steadying herself, trying to regain control of her emotions. The hell with it, they were gonna die soon. "You know, he came to me the other day. As The First. Woody says The First tells the truth sometimes."
Buffy nodded reluctantly. "Sometimes. Not always, but sometimes."
"Well, he told me two things: that he loved me, and that you're gonna get us all killed. So which is it? Whose side are we on, B? I mean, we're gonna open the Hellmouth, isn't that what you've been trying to stop all these years?"
"Hey, I'm just winging it. That's all I've ever done." Buffy shrugged and squatted beside Faith. "You're the Slayer too, what do you think? And don't roll your eyes like that. We're about to either change or end the world based on something I may have dreamed, and I really want your opinion here."
"Went along with your idea, didn'I? Which I guess means..." Faith leaned her head back, looking up at the sky. "You really wanna know what I think? I think it was all a big lie, Buffy. Everything... My whole life I thought there was just this one single person who seemed to really give a rat's ass about me. Not just as something to hit or hit on or have hit something, but ME. That's not an excuse, I mean he never held a gun to my head, but I woulda walked to hell and back for him. I was an idiot, but it still..." She looked at Buffy. "Let's not shit ourselves. I kill stuff. That's all I was ever good at, at least when I manage to kill the right stuff. That's why I'm here. Point where you want me and I'll go, I got your back and I'm gonna take a bunch of'em with me. But don't expect me to do your job."
Buffy nodded slowly as she fiddled with something in the bag she had across her shoulders. For a while, no one said anything until Buffy broke the silence. "Did you ever hear how we got him?"
"Yeah." Faith scrunched her face up in involuntary disgust. "You tricked him into the school and blew it up. Shitty way to kill someone if you ask me. "
"OK, granted, not my most honorable slay ever, but... I mean, he was 70 feet long, we could never have beaten him. We had flamethrowers and they were useless. He was winning. Until I reminded him of what... what I did to you. That hurt him. He got stupid, and I killed him."
Faith took this in. "Huh."
"Don't ask me to not think it's weird, but... for what it's worth, you were his weak spot. I mean, he was still evil. I wanna stress that. But I think he really did... I mean, he gave everything up for you, that's..."
"I get it, B." Damnit, she was not going to choke up in front of Buffy. No way. She bit down hard on the inside of her cheek.
"Human weakness never goes away. You told me that." Buffy frowned. "I think. There was this whole dream thing..."
"I remember." Faith spat, the loogie as red-tinged as her eyes. "Doesn’t sound very comforting right now though... weakness, I mean."
"Nope. Which is why we have weapons. Like, uh, this one." Buffy reached into her bag and produced something that had been gathering dust in her weapons chest for years.
Faith stared as the sunlight danced across the double blade. The blood had long since been cleaned off, and the knife looked just as deadly as it had on the day she first saw it. She still remembered unwrapping it, thinking it was the best gift anyone had ever given her. And all the shit that had followed. This is a thing of beauty, boss. It scared her how much she still thought so. "That's..." She swallowed. "That was mine."
"You're about to get it back.". Buffy carefully grabbed the knife by its blade and offered it to the other girl, handle first.
Faith was torn between wanting to grab it and wanting to back away. She shook her head. "And here was me thinking you were the smart one. What the hell makes you think this is a good idea?"
"I guess because..." Buffy cocked her head, regarding the knife thoughtfully. "This isn't The Wild Bunch, Faith. We're not going in there to die; we're going in there to win. It's not just my job, it's all of us...es... ours... you know what I mean. That's the whole point." She gestured around at the surrounding graves. "That's why we're all here right now: because we have something worth fighting for, because we had people who believed in us. Whether you and I think they should or not, the other girls trust you. But the only one who can decide if it's worth it to you... is you."
Faith slowly reached out and took the knife in her right hand, feeling the way it molded itself to her palm as if it had been hand-crafted to fit no one but her. It was so perfectly balanced, so easy to tip either way. Sharp on all sides.
The Ascension isn't just my day. It's yours too. Your day to blossom, to show the world what a powerful girl you are.
"So anyway..." Buffy got to her feet. "I think we should get going. We only get to do this once, and it's not gonna be easy."
Faith shrugged, still staring at the knife. "Who knows. Maybe it’s our day."
"Yeah. Maybe." Buffy nodded, turned her back on Faith and walked away towards the others.
Faith remained where she was for a few moments, watching her own reflection in the blade. She looked up at the grave and nodded slowly to herself. Then she stood up, stuck the knife in her belt, spat in the dirt and strode off to save the world.
END
