beer_good_foamy | Disclaimer

Dear LJ,

as should be obvious by now, I use this journal to post fiction [FIK-shun], that is, things I make up. Things that don't actually happen. You know, like when you were in kindergarten and pretended to be a fireman, nobody actually expected you to be able to put out blazing skyscrapers. Most of us learn this distinction at an early age, but you never know.

However, given your recent statement in regards to fictional portrayals of illegal activities that they need to
clearly and substantially object to these activities while at the same time portraying them
I feel a clarification may be in order. So, once and for all:

- I clearly and substantially object to rape, sexual assault, and incest of any kind. (I'm unclear as to whether sire-childe relationships are legally included in the latter, but if they are, then I clearly and substantially object to them.)

- I clearly and substantially object to murder, manslaughter, and other violent crimes.

- I clearly and substantially object to people under the age of 18 having sexual relations with people above said age. Especially if one or both of the involved parties is an undead monster risen from his/her grave to suck the blood of the pure.

- I clearly and substantially object to child abuse. I also clearly and substantially object to chopping off child abusers' heads with chainsaws.

- I clearly and substantially object to minors using adult language. I know it's very unrealistic for American teenagers to use the F word, but please take into account that I write in a fandom where supernatural things sometimes occur.

- I clearly and substantially object to overeating. I realize that it's a huge problem in most Western countries, and while it's not currently illegal, you never know what the future holds.

- I clearly and substantially condone same-sex relationships; however, should I at any point post to LJ from a state or country in which these are illegal, be advised that this statement may be construed as a clear and substantial objection thereto until such time as I am once again in a position to condone it without fear of reprisal. The same applies to women's rights, equal treatment of different cultures, and any other such highly controversial subject.

- I clearly and substantially object to any and all activities directed towards ending the world. Especially if they occur before I find out how The Sopranos ends.

- I clearly and substantially object to baseball. It squicks me.

- I clearly and substantially object to embezzlement and other white-collar crimes.

- I clearly and substantially object to the use of drugs, up to and including alcohol, caffeine, aspirin and nicotine. Because it's WRONG.

- I clearly and substantially object to the use of witchcraft. Not because it's wrong, but because so far I've ruined three perfectly good cauldrons without summoning a single manifestation of Beelzebub. WTF, Hecate?

- I clearly and substantially object to satirical portrayals of religious figures. God, Jesus, Allah, Thor, Baal, Cthulhu and all those guys have done so much for us that it would be unacceptable for us to laugh at them or their followers in any way. For after all, what is more harmful than laughter.

- For which reason I also clearly and substantially object to the use of satire, irony, or humour.

In short, I am for good things and against bad things. Should any of the above activities find their way into my writings, now or at any time, please be advised that they are there as a warning sign of what may happen should people less moral than you or I attempt practicing any of them. In short, do not try this at home. See, it's just make-believe [MAIK-bi-LEEV].

Thank you. Now get back to putting out that fire you started.