Ficlet: Christmas in Hell
Dec. 22nd, 2020 04:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beer_good_foamyI like to post a holiday fic around this time of year, and that's one tradition 2020 will NOT make me break.
However, I can't guarantee that a bit of 2020 didn't sneak its way into the subtext of some of these. But hey, it's still not nearly the darkest holiday fic I've written, so... I hope it's still enjoyable.
Merry whatever, everyone. May the holidays of your choice be as peaceful and relaxing as circumstances allow, which I guess includes accepting that they are what they are.
Title: Christmas in Hell
Author: Beer Good (beer_good_foamy)
Fandom: Buffyverse
Characters/Pairing: Angel, Skip, Vamp!Willow, Lindsey, Wesley/Lilah
Rating: PG13
Word count: 5x100
Summary: Five times people spent Christmas in various Hells.
Wherever Acathla's Vortex Leads To
The worst part, Angel thinks around the 23rd year or so of eternal torment, is that Hell is so... boring. Not that he'd do it better, that would be wrong, but at least Angelus spent centuries coming up with personal tortures for his victims. Take some pride in your work, damnit.
But Hell is just the same thing, for every sufferer, every day. Locked in a cave, boiled in urine, jabbed with pitchforks, ranted at by a large orange-ish devil, repeat ad nauseam with no personal touch.
OK, on Christmas they add some cinnamon-pumpkin spice to the urine. That's nice.
Powers-That-Be Holding Dimension #63
Skip has to give Billy a 15-minute break from the cage of fire every day. Union rules.
Most days, Billy just sits there keening in pain until Skip lights him up again. (They're not on small-talk basis, what with the torture and all.) Sometimes he pleads, or whines, or threatens, or just asks what day it is. One of those days just happens to be December 25th, so Billy begs him, just this once...
So as he fires up the cage again and Billy screams in silent agony, Skip sings in a mellow baritone. "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire..."
Wishverse
Karen huffs as she lugs her Christmas shopping to the car. How dare they close the store at sundown, like the stupid curfew applied at Christmas? Good thing she found a manager who had them stay open for another 45 minutes.
She shoves her way past one of the teenagers loitering outside, a redhead in a leather outfit. Probably a Satan worshipper. Karen snaps "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" at her.
The redhead smiles in the most infuriating way… then grabs Karen by the throat and lifts her off the ground, scattering her shopping everywhere. "I know you meant to say Happy Holidays."
Wolfram & Hart Holding Dimension #13
Lindsey wakes up on Christmas Day, his wife and son next to him, surrounded by warmth and love. They open presents, go for a long walk in the snow, have a snowball fight, come home to a fantastic dinner.
He goes down in the basement to fetch the special gift he bought for his wife. The demon slams him onto the bench and cuts his heart out. He screams until his throat gives out.
His wife smiles and tells him she loves the earrings, and he almost believes her.
Wolfram & Hart run this script every day for a few months.
Hell
Hell likes irony. So Lilah's not surprised when they announce the Secret Satan gift (they like puns, too) is finding out someone you love is burning here too, and that it's your fault.
She shouldn't be happy that Wesley's here. But she's long since made peace with being the sort of person who would be.
Hell isn't lack of hope, it's isolation, literally being singled out. And knowing that someone else is going through it alongside you - if not technically with you, she thinks as they nod to each other across the howling abyss - makes it a little more bearable.
However, I can't guarantee that a bit of 2020 didn't sneak its way into the subtext of some of these. But hey, it's still not nearly the darkest holiday fic I've written, so... I hope it's still enjoyable.
Merry whatever, everyone. May the holidays of your choice be as peaceful and relaxing as circumstances allow, which I guess includes accepting that they are what they are.
Title: Christmas in Hell
Author: Beer Good (
beer_good_foamy)Fandom: Buffyverse
Characters/Pairing: Angel, Skip, Vamp!Willow, Lindsey, Wesley/Lilah
Rating: PG13
Word count: 5x100
Summary: Five times people spent Christmas in various Hells.
Wherever Acathla's Vortex Leads To
The worst part, Angel thinks around the 23rd year or so of eternal torment, is that Hell is so... boring. Not that he'd do it better, that would be wrong, but at least Angelus spent centuries coming up with personal tortures for his victims. Take some pride in your work, damnit.
But Hell is just the same thing, for every sufferer, every day. Locked in a cave, boiled in urine, jabbed with pitchforks, ranted at by a large orange-ish devil, repeat ad nauseam with no personal touch.
OK, on Christmas they add some cinnamon-pumpkin spice to the urine. That's nice.
Powers-That-Be Holding Dimension #63
Skip has to give Billy a 15-minute break from the cage of fire every day. Union rules.
Most days, Billy just sits there keening in pain until Skip lights him up again. (They're not on small-talk basis, what with the torture and all.) Sometimes he pleads, or whines, or threatens, or just asks what day it is. One of those days just happens to be December 25th, so Billy begs him, just this once...
So as he fires up the cage again and Billy screams in silent agony, Skip sings in a mellow baritone. "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire..."
Wishverse
Karen huffs as she lugs her Christmas shopping to the car. How dare they close the store at sundown, like the stupid curfew applied at Christmas? Good thing she found a manager who had them stay open for another 45 minutes.
She shoves her way past one of the teenagers loitering outside, a redhead in a leather outfit. Probably a Satan worshipper. Karen snaps "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" at her.
The redhead smiles in the most infuriating way… then grabs Karen by the throat and lifts her off the ground, scattering her shopping everywhere. "I know you meant to say Happy Holidays."
Wolfram & Hart Holding Dimension #13
Lindsey wakes up on Christmas Day, his wife and son next to him, surrounded by warmth and love. They open presents, go for a long walk in the snow, have a snowball fight, come home to a fantastic dinner.
He goes down in the basement to fetch the special gift he bought for his wife. The demon slams him onto the bench and cuts his heart out. He screams until his throat gives out.
His wife smiles and tells him she loves the earrings, and he almost believes her.
Wolfram & Hart run this script every day for a few months.
Hell
Hell likes irony. So Lilah's not surprised when they announce the Secret Satan gift (they like puns, too) is finding out someone you love is burning here too, and that it's your fault.
She shouldn't be happy that Wesley's here. But she's long since made peace with being the sort of person who would be.
Hell isn't lack of hope, it's isolation, literally being singled out. And knowing that someone else is going through it alongside you - if not technically with you, she thinks as they nod to each other across the howling abyss - makes it a little more bearable.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-22 06:50 pm (UTC)Karen, otoh, deserves to be eaten.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-23 10:14 am (UTC)I keep wanting to write an epic Wesley and Lilah Meet In Hell fic, but it's just so messy. But yeah, probably.
And having manned the information desk at the library for most of this fucking year, I can say Karen gets off lucky if that's all that happens to her.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-22 07:56 pm (UTC)These were great. I especially loved Vamp!Willow's parting shot!
no subject
Date: 2020-12-23 10:14 am (UTC)Vamp!Willow solves so many problems.
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Date: 2020-12-22 08:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-23 10:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-22 08:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-23 10:15 am (UTC)Hell's puns put the Dad in "Feliz Navidad".
no subject
Date: 2020-12-24 09:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-22 10:26 pm (UTC)This should come with warnings not to have drinks nearby.
"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire..."
Oh lord. I... have no words. But that's brilliant.
Probably a Satan worshipper.
Much worse... And the final line is brilliance.
Wolfram & Hart run this script every day for a few months.
Oh f- now THAT is a well-thought through Hell. Angel from the first hell would have appreciated that.
Secret Satan gift (they like puns, too)
Invented by the demon Crowley, I bet.
She shouldn't be happy that Wesley's here. But she's long since made peace with being the sort of person who would be.
This is a killer line. A+ Lilah.
And knowing that someone else is going through it alongside you - if not technically with you, she thinks as they nod to each other across the howling abyss - makes it a little more bearable.
Ahhhh, I literally made a whole fic revolve around this concept. Am glad others agree that Hell in the Angel 'verse can work like this.
These were wonderful, thank you! And Happy Christmas. ♥
no subject
Date: 2020-12-23 10:19 am (UTC)Angel from the first hell would have appreciated that.
If Wolfram&Hart had any brains, they would have hired Angelus as a business consultant rather than Angel as a CEO.
Invented by the demon Crowley, I bet.
Oh, he would do that.
This is a killer line. A+ Lilah.
Thanks! I've been rewatching some Angel episodes recently and it reminded me how much I love Lilah. Plus, something about this year makes me wish for villains who are fully aware that they are villains.
Same to you and yours!
no subject
Date: 2020-12-23 10:30 am (UTC)THAT should be a fic!
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Date: 2020-12-23 11:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-24 11:43 pm (UTC)Vamp!Willow always makes things better. (Or worse, depending on which side of the fangs you're on.)
no subject
Date: 2020-12-24 09:15 am (UTC)(And ouch to the last one. Yep, hello 2020!)
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Date: 2020-12-24 11:46 pm (UTC)Turns out David Denman can carry a tune, at least in a bucket. Maybe he's more of a tenor in this clip, but that's character work for you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mGzgmbMzIA
no subject
Date: 2020-12-24 09:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-12-24 11:49 pm (UTC)Thanks! *nods back*
no subject
Date: 2020-12-24 10:18 pm (UTC)Haha, perfectly 2020!
Oh ouch about Lilah and Wesley!
no subject
Date: 2020-12-25 12:01 am (UTC)I don't know what it is about 2020 that made me write about people stuck in hell. Complete mystery to me.
no subject
Date: 2020-12-25 06:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-01-29 01:35 pm (UTC)