Ficlet: Spike And Giles Are The Village Green Preservation Society

[beer_good_foamy]

Title: Spike And Giles Are The Village Green Preservation Society
Author: Beer Good (beer_good_foamy)
Fandom: Buffyverse, post-"Not Fade Away" (TV canon)
Word count: ~550
Rating: PG13
Summary: Spike survives LA, and for lack of something better to do travels to England to look Giles up. Drinking and national stereotyping ensues. Inspired by this picture, courtesy of sueworld2003.

Spike And Giles Are The Village Green Preservation Society

Finding Giles' house wasn't hard. Knowing what to say when he opened the door was another matter, as was the question of whether he'd be invited in or staked on the spot. But as it turned out, Giles took care of it for him.

"Spike." The former watcher mustered him, nodding slowly to himself, then seemed to decide that this required neutral ground. "There's a pub down the road. Go order us a couple, I'll join you in five minutes."

It took them five pints to get through Spike's story; resurrection, Wolfram & Hart, apocalypse, the need for relocation. It would have taken three in private, but with the entire pub within earshot they had to come up with some awkward euphemisms for vampires with souls("investment bankers with MBAs"), prophecies ("business plans"), hellgods ("management consultants") and lawyers ("soul-sucking demons"). It took another three for Giles to catch Spike up on what was going on with the rest of them ("And I'm not tellin' you a damn thing about Buffy." "Fair enough.") Histories of mutual betrayal were pointedly unmentioned. The conclusion, toasted in single malt, was that it was all a right old mess they were glad to take a break from, and summed up by Giles as "Bloody yanks."

"Well then," Spike slurred after the... possibly ninth or tenth pint. "The old country."

"The very damp same," Giles said with similar lack of proper diction. They had another.

"So, say a fighter of evil with a dark past wants to change and settle down, what does one do around here? Potter around the house, do some gardening, pop down to the pub, repeat until the reaper comes knockin'?"

"Oh, well, you gotta have a hobby," Giles said, trying three different glasses until he found one with something in it. "I do a bit of hunting, and - "

Spike had to laugh. "What, you? Looking to be a proper country gent? Chasing foxes with the aristos?"

Giles shot him a slightly unfocused death glare. "I'll never be that retired, Pratt. I'm more into aus... ost... buggerit, I'll just show you." He stumbled to his feet, somehow only tipping over four of the empty glasses in front of them, and together they staggered back to Giles' house in the rain.

"Right, so where's this hobby horse of yours?"

"I keep it in the barn," Giles said, pointing at a large building next to the house. "Go ahead, open it."

"This some sort of trick?" Spike asked as he fumbled with the lock to the massive double doors. "Because if it is - "

That's as far as he got before the doors swung open, and a huge eagle swooped down from its perch with outstretched talons. Spike suddenly felt like he was wearing a sign saying ACME BIRDFEED. If he'd been sober, he'd probably have managed to duck. As it was, he simply lost his balance and fell over with a "Bloody hell!", which added up to much the same thing except with more mud.

"Terribly sorry." Giles grinned, swaying uncertainly as the big eagle perched on his outstretched hand. "Turns out, I train birds to hunt vampires."

"Guess some things don't change." Spike slowly got up, keeping a watchful eye on the eagle (well, technically he was seeing two eagles, but the one on the left looked especially shifty). "So... now what?"

Giles petted the eagle, then sent it back into the barn. "I don't know about you, but I'm tired and I could really use a nightcap and some dry clothes. Wanna come inside?"

Comments

[rebcake]

Whee!

lawyers ("soul-sucking demons")

I'll never be that retired, Pratt.

Turns out, I train birds to hunt vampires.

Guess some things don't change.

Oh man. *wipes eyes* This is beautiful. I'd have to quote the whole thing to highlight ALL my favorite bits. National stereotyping for the win!

You tickle me, Beer.

[beer_good_foamy]

Thanks a lot! Considering I wrote this in about an hour, I'm pretty happy with it. That lawyer line especially. And I love the idea of Giles hinting that he considers Spike a bit of an upper-class twit.

[red_satin_doll]

and lawyers ("soul-sucking demons")

Oh god now I can't breath for laughing....

Here on rebcake's rec on buffyverse top 5, btw.

[beer_good_foamy]

Thanks! There's always room for an Evil Lawyer joke. :)

[red_satin_doll]

Never gets old, does it?

I've only read about the AtS ep where Angel locks the lawyers in with Dru and Darla to be eaten; was ME assuming that the audience would root for Dru and Darla? (And do fans root for the vamps?)

[beer_good_foamy]

I would say that for most people (including me, I think it's one of the best episodes of the series), that episode seems to play exactly as ME intended it: a huge morass of black and grey morality where nobody's in the right but most act the way you'd expect them to act in that situation.
- The victims... well, some of them (the CEO of Wolfram & Hart in particular) were definitely Very Bad People who'd been playing with fire for a long time. Others are explicitly said to be there simply as dates or spouses of W&H employees, so, y'know. Vampires are evil.
- Darla? There's definitely a moment of triumph and revenge for what they did to her, and I love the idea of a soulless vampire avenging her human self. So I won't pretend I don't love to see her take control, especially considering how much Darla's entire arc has been about being used by other people. That said, she's not right by any definition of the word, and she (and Dru) definitely murder a whole bunch of people whose morals may be questionable, but... There's an interesting question: is Darla, as a soulless monster, capable of making the decision to kill them, or is she simply being used once again? In other words, is Angel (because it's his show, so it's always about him in the end, urgh) throwing the lawyers to two beasts who can't not do what they do, or is he letting Darla make the (not entirely unjustified) decision to kill or not kill them?
- That said, Angel definitely isn't meant to come across as heroic here; there's a reason the writers immediately and unquestioningly have his friends condemn him for it (and him reacting by throwing them out of his life). It's not Angel doing the right thing, or even the wrong thing for the greater good, it's an act of despair and giving up on the notion of doing the right thing. Of course, opinions differ on how well it's followed up on. Though as shaky as the next few episodes are, and as much as I'm wary about sudden epiphanies teaching protagonists how their morally questionable actions make them better persons in the end, I do rather love the little moment he has at the end of the arc.

ANGEL: In the greater scheme or the big picture, nothing we do matters. There's no grand plan, no big win.

KATE: You seem kind of chipper about that.

ANGEL: Well, I guess I kinda worked it out. If there is no great glorious end to all this, if nothing we do matters... then all that matters is what we do. 'Cause that's all there is. What we do, now, today.

[red_satin_doll]

There's an interesting question: is Darla, as a soulless monster, capable of making the decision to kill them, or is she simply being used once again? In other words, is Angel (because it's his show, so it's always about him in the end, urgh) throwing the lawyers to two beasts who can't not do what they do, or is he letting Darla make the (not entirely unjustified) decision to kill or not kill them?

You might just convince me to watch AtS yet.

Though as shaky as the next few episodes are, and as much as I'm wary about sudden epiphanies teaching protagonists how their morally questionable actions make them better persons in the end

WORD to that in general.

if nothing we do matters... then all that matters is what we do. 'Cause that's all there is. What we do, now, today.

Wait, what? Didn't Buffy and Angel have that conversation in Amends? Do NOT make me rewatch that episode!

[beer_good_foamy]

You might just convince me to watch AtS yet.

Yay! *eg* Seriously, AtS has its ups and downs (and its downs are pretty down) but when it's at its best, it's got layers and clashing myth arcs that makes BtVS look simplistic. And the Darla arc is one of my favourites.

Wait, what? Didn't Buffy and Angel have that conversation in Amends?

Well, partly. Angel does have a tendency to repeat his mistakes. But I like it a lot better here, when it's not mixed up with Bangel angst and Twu Wuv but simply becomes a... actually pretty astute comment on The Meaning Of Life^TM, IMO.

[spuffy_luvr]

The inspirational photos is fantastic, and this is hilarious! Especially the lawyer line and the shifty eagle on the left. :)

[beer_good_foamy]

Thanks a lot! :)

[rahirah]

Were I in a nitpicky mood, I'd point out that eagles are diurnal and vampires are nocturnal, but who the hell cares. IT'S GILES, WITH AN EAGLE!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

eagles are diurnal and vampires are nocturnal

Hence the need to train them. ;)

Thanks!

[twilightofmagic.livejournal.com]

Heh, good fun. Yay Sue for finding the pic of ASH and eagle, and yay you for this tasty little episode :)

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Yay indeed. :)

[estepheia.livejournal.com]

This made me laugh out loud, and then I read parts of it to the hubby. Hilarious. I'm so glad Sue posted that photo!
Love the stereotypes :D and the euphemisms. Brilliant!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thank you, both of you!

[paratti.livejournal.com]

Great fun:)

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[slaymesoftly.livejournal.com]

ROFLMAO Great fun. Extremely cookie-worthy! Giles and Spike, drunk together... plus an eagle!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thank you! *dunks cookies in beer*

[brutti-ma-buoni.livejournal.com]

lawyers ("soul-sucking demons")

*snorts of mirth*

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

:) Thanks! I'll never be able to pass up a good Lawyers Are Evil joke.

[shapinglight]

"Turns out, I train birds to hunt vampires."

"Guess some things don't change." Spike slowly got up, keeping a watchful eye on the eagle (well, technically he was seeing two eagles, but the one on the left looked especially shifty). "So... now what?"

ROFL. Great line, and it may a stereotype, but Spike would definitely say that. Sounds like Spike and Giles are gearing up to what is my own personal canon, the crime-fighting Brit duo (with added tea), the Men In Swirly Wool Coats.

Maybe Giles can hunt vampires by day, and they can get an eagle owl, so Spike can hunt them at night?

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

Sounds like Spike and Giles are gearing up to what is my own personal canon, the crime-fighting Brit duo (with added tea), the Men In Swirly Wool Coats. Maybe Giles can hunt vampires by day, and they can get an eagle owl, so Spike can hunt them at night?

Sounds like a good plan to me! And it just struck me that this fic should have been called "Erne-ing Redemption" or something like that. Oh well.

[shapinglight]

"Erne-ing Redemption"

:) Nice one.

[gillo]

Very nice. There is never a down side to drunken Spike/Giles bonding, and the eagle is a bonus.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm playing with the thought of having a Drunken Bonding series of some sort; I've already done Faith and Giles, Spike and Giles, I have an unfinished Ethan and Giles somewhere, and... y'know, there might be some sort of common denominator in all of those. Huh. :)

[relurker.livejournal.com]

Very nice way to expand from the pic! I like them drunk.
"I train birds to hunt vampires": a lovely line.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks a lot!