beer_good_foamy: (Default)
Apropos of absolutely nothing, here's a modern AU of the end of "Choices", after Willow is freed from the evil clutches of the Mayor. (Or is that the clutches of the evil Mayor? Can clutches be evil in and of themselves? Is there such a thing as being in the clutches of something good? Oh, honestly. I don't know where my mind goes these days.)

A Little Bird Told Me

"...And then I told her ‘You made your choice, Buffy was your friend...’"

Giles interrupted Willow's tale of heroics. "This is fascinating, but let's get back to the point. You actually had your hands on the Books of Ascension?"

"Volumes 1-5."

"Is there anything you can remember that could be of use to us? Anything at all?"

Willow shrugged. "Well, I was in a hurry, and what I did read was kind of over-involved. If you ask me, way overwritten." She held up her phone. "But Faith just tweeted out the best bits, see what you can make of that?"
beer_good_foamy: (Death)
It's the annual holiday fic! I felt kind of bad about last year's fic and how it anticipated some real-life events, so I went extra fluffy this time. Happy whatever, everyone!

Title: A Slayin' Song Tonight
Author: Beer Good ([personal profile] beer_good_foamy)
Fandom: Buffyverse (post-series)
Rating: PG13
Word count: 6x100
Characters: Ensemble
Summary: Five holiday decorations that can be used to slay vampires, and one vice versa. AKA the Scooby Holiday Meet-Up is about as peaceful as you'd expect.

In retrospect, renting a Cleveland hotel ballroom for the annual Scooby Holiday Meet-Up wasn't the best idea. But Buffy's tiny apartment wouldn't hold them all, and the hotel promised food, drinks and holiday paraphernalia at a very decent price (as thanks for clearing up that haunting three weeks earlier).

The vampire gang who (somewhat unwisely) cut the power and crashed the party without needing an invitation presumably weren't part of the service.

"Just once," Buffy muttered as she pulled a Christmas stocking over one vampire's face and staked another, "I'd like one holiday to go according to plan."

* * *

"Um… little help?" Dawn managed to get out as she bounced up and down on the back of the largest vampire. She wasn't sure what she'd been thinking when she tried to choke him with a holiday wreath; pine needles really weren't sharp enough to sever a vampire neck, and now he was trying to throw her off and she hated horsey rides and the eggnog she'd had wasn't helping, and -

When Spike dusted the vamp she tried for a graceful landing, but inertia disagreed and she crashed through the tree, sending angels, candy canes and baubles flying everywhere. "...Ow."

* * *

"OW! Sonofabitch!" Stepping on a bauble is painful even if you're a soulless denizen of the night. One vampire hopped around the room, knocking over the buffet table while trying to pull shards of glass out of his foot, then decided to take his rage out on the old man. "Any last words, grandpa?"

"Merry Christmas?" Giles handed him the gift Buffy had given him. "I suppose as my nemesis, this belongs to you."

The vampire ripped off the wrapping paper, took one look at the knitted sweater with reindeer motif, screamed and dusted.

Giles nodded. "I thought as much."

* * *

"Thanks, Will." Xander brushed off the ashes from the vampire that had been seconds away from a double shot of AB Harris Positive. "Also, huh. I never knew menorahs hurt vampires, but I guess...?"

Willow winced as she carefully checked the abruptly extinguished menorah for vampire-ass-related damage. "May just have been regular vampire fire allergy. It's just... I know I'm not so much with the monotheism these days, and I use crosses to fend off vampires and that's probably some sorta cultural appropriation, but it still feels disrespectful, y'know?" She carefully put it back in the window. "Right. Any more?"

* * *

The last vampire had had enough; nobody had said anything about an army of professional demon hunters. Not wanting to leave empty-handed, he grabbed one of the presents and ran for the door. He almost made it, but then something sparkly flew over his head, slipped down over him and tightened around his legs. He fell face-first, and barely had time to register that someone had landed on his back before a stake pierced his heart.

"Nice one, Blue," Faith said as she holstered the stake.

Illyria dusted off her quickly improvised tinsel lasso. "One does not mess with Texas."

* * *

"Is that it?" Buffy surveyed the damage. "OK, our security deposit's a bust. Aw, the tree."

"Yeah, a vamp did that," Dawn quickly said.

"And one threw your gift on the fire," Giles added. "There's evil for you."

Faith wrenched the remains of the tree upright. "Angel, you wanna be on top?"

Angel ignored Spike's laugh and instead gave Buffy a boost so she could tie Mr Pointy to the top of the tree. A warm glow spread from the few candles that were still lit as the gang stood around with their arms around each other. "Happy holidays, everyone."
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
So first of all, I won something at the [ profile] wicked_awards! Thanks a lot, guys!

Second of all, here's the other fic for [ profile] spook_me. I feel a bit rusty writing fic, so I hope this works. I think it ended up more sad than spooky.

Title: It Raineth On The Just
Author: Beer Good ([personal profile] beer_good_foamy)
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (season 6)
Rating: PG13
Word count: ~1700
Author's note: Written for the [ profile] spook_me challenge "Aquatic monster".
Summary: After the events of "Tabula Rasa", Giles leaves Sunnydale and returns home to London. If it can still be his home after everything he's been through over the last few years. And who are those mysterious shapes who keep following him down rainy streets…?

You're an old man sitting by the fire, you're the mist rolling off the sea
You're a distant memory in the mind of your creator, don't you see?

- Nick Cave

November, unsurprisingly, had settled into a long wet drizzle, yet he kept going for long walks, down crowded streets, through the parks, along the river, in clothes and shoes that were up to the job and a proper sturdy umbrella. )
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
So, I always try to post a holiday-themed fic around this time, but I was seriously lacking in inspiration this year. Then I saw this things like this, and this, and what the hell, I opened the holiday booze a bit in advance and figured eh, let's see where this setup takes me. This is in no way a subtle fic, but I hope it works anyway. Happy whatever, everyone!

Title: The True Meaning of Whatever
Author: Beer Good ([personal profile] beer_good_foamy)
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, post-series
Rating: PG13
Word count: ~1500
Characters/Pairing: Ensemble. Nods to Spike/Buffy, Dawn/Vi
Warnings: Irreverence.
Summary: The new president wants the Slayers to deal with the fabled War On Christmas.

Too bloody right! About time somebody straightened you yanks out. You lot have lost touch with the true meaning of Christmas. )


Jun. 1st, 2015 09:04 pm
beer_good_foamy: (Buffy)
For [ profile] open_on_sunday's Song Title challenge:

Avant Gardener
Title from "Avant Gardener" by Courtney Barnett

"Sunnydale Plants & Garden, Tim speaking, how may I help you?"


"Weeding? Sure, we've got tools for that."


"Our most popular pruning shears are 8 inches."


"Not really. We have hedge clippers, but – "


"Poison? You mean herbicides? Sure…"


"…That quickly? No."




"No, we do not carry flamethrowers. What on – "


"Um… sure. Thanks for calling."


Buffy hung up and turned to Giles. "Right, no help there. You're sure stakes won't work? Because - "

"Plants don't have hearts, Buffy."

They looked out at the triffids surrounding the Magic Box. "That's the last time I let Willow help Dawn with a science project."
beer_good_foamy: (Willow-death)
Title: The Pieces That Prevailed
Author: Beer Good ([personal profile] beer_good_foamy)
Fandom: Buffy, mid-season 7
Rating: PG13
Word count: ~1200
Characters/Pairing: Willow, Xander, Giles, Buffy; nods to Willow/Tara and Willow/Jenny
Summary: As logic stands, you couldn’t meet yourself from the future. But logic broke and Willow bumped into her high school self.

She looked up and saw a flash of long, straight, dull reddish-brown hair disappear around the corner. )


Dec. 30th, 2014 11:13 pm
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
For [profile] open_on_sunday's "Episode title" challenge:

Some Assembly Required

“Do you want me to show you how to use it?” Xander asked.

Buffy looked at her birthday present. “Yes, I do.”

“Right,” he said, lifting up the brand new rocket launcher. “I’m pretty sure you flip this thing here and DUCK!”

“...Is everyone OK?” Buffy lifted part of the collapsed wall off them.

“I think so. Um, Giles? Was that an important wing of the library?”

“Let’s just say that on the off chance that anyone comes in here looking for school books, they will be disappointed.”

“Oh. Anyway, Buff, let me go steal an instruction manual as well…”
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
Here's a different zombie fic bunny that grabbed me. I hope it works.

Title: Building Character
Author: Beer Good ([personal profile] beer_good_foamy)
Fandom: Buffy, season 6
Rating: PG13
Word count: 1900
Summary: Written for [ profile] zombi_fic_ation and the prompt "50. Buffy + any -- Buffy mostly came back right... mostly". Five perspectives on Buffy, after she comes back from the (slightly more) dead.

No alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises, please

It needed to be quick, and Baron Samedi was very eager to help. Seems Willow has good credit with gods these days. )


Mar. 16th, 2014 09:00 pm
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
Two drabbles for [ profile] open_on_sunday's prompt "Key".


They let Giles collect Jenny's personal effects when they release the body. $37 in cash, a few protective charms, a picture of (he assumes) her family, and a keychain.

Over the next few days of Arranging Things, he gets to use her keys. There's two for the double locks on her door, a master key for the school, a car key, a couple for various boxes … And an old iron key that doesn't fit anywhere.

He keeps the key for years, but never figures out what it opens. Whatever it is, it'll stay locked forever, removed from the world.

A Minor Misunderstanding

High above Sunnydale, Doc flashed his knife and grinned at Dawn. "Hey, kid? Wanna see a trick?" Dawn, understandably, screamed.

Doc quickly pulled out a small device, checked it, and shouted to Glory's minions below, "C SHARP!"

"…What?" Dawn stared at him.

Doc held up a digital guitar tuner. "You scream in C sharp," he smiled. "That's all we needed for the chant to send Glorificus home."

"Aren't you going to bleed me?"

He frowned. "Do you want me to?"

Dawn shook her head.

"Good. We've tried to tell your sister for months, all we needed was the right key."


Feb. 23rd, 2014 12:16 am
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
Two unconnected Buffyverse drabbles for [ profile] open_on_sunday's prompt "bottle":

Sense Memory ("A New Man", Giles/Ethan)

The satisfaction of watching Ethan get thrown into a car and driven off to God knows where carries Giles through the clean-up of his apartment after the demon's… his rampage. Up until he sits down with a bottle of single malt.

It's always tasted of home over here. Vaguely British, somehow. Tonight, though, the taste is more specific.

Smoke. Sweat.

Cold, damp student rooms.




The look on Ethan's face when he walked out. Not entirely unlike the one he caught through a rear window today.

He sweeps up the shattered bottle. It's alright. He has more scotch.

Needs More Robin Williams (s5)

"I knew we shouldn't have opened Giles' old wine bottle," Willow whimpered as the newly liberated jinni wrecked the Magic Box.

"Regrets later, OK, Will? Just find a spell to put him back in it."

"I'm trying! Ancient Arabic doesn't even write out vowels!" Willow shuffled frantically through a pile of parchments, trying various spells that did nothing but repeatedly open and close the front door.

Buffy held out the bottle. "Heeeere, Jinni-Jinni! …No? OK, hard way it is, then." She looked at the 7 foot jinni, then back at the bottle. "DAWN! Get me a funnel and a mallet!"

And a Doctor Who drabble for [ profile] brutti_ma_buoni's Ragnarökathon and the prompt "the song of the twilight of the gods".

Wir sind die Roboter (Ten, Martha)

Martha listened in disbelief. "…This is the song of the gods?"

The Doctor shrugged. "Well, not of the gods, mortal ears wouldn’t be able to stand their music. Dreadfully dull. But apparently, as human music goes, this is what they listen to."


"Oh, really. Gods tend to be big on order and perfection. No human fallibility and all that. They used to be into Bach, but apparently they really love Kraftwerk."

They listened for a few minutes as The Man Machine blasted across the heavens.

"Now, where were we? Oh! Right! End of the world. Let's stop it, eh?"
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
[ profile] summer_of_giles is holding a haikuthon! Haiku-off? Haikucopia? ...People are writing a bunch of Giles-related haikus. Go read and post!

Here's a few I came up with:

five seven oh five, and there's lots of reply )

Also, never forget that
There once was a young man from Mainz
Whose limericks had no last lines
When asked why this was,
He said: "It's because
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
Thing ye firste: Yay!

Thank you so much! Make sure to check out the other winners here.

Thing ye seconde: A drabble for [ profile] open_on_sunday and the prompt "Defend".

Wings In Water

Throughout a cold English summer, Giles waits for the coven to hold some sort of trial. They’re an ancient order, they must have rules. He’d speak in her defense, explain why Willow should be allowed to live, why she’s worth saving. He’d tell them of the girl waiting at the library doors on his first day at the hellmouth, six years ago. How he failed her. How he couldn’t keep her from becoming ever more powerful, more arrogant. How he couldn’t control her.

He keeps waiting, but the witches never ask his opinion. They just take care of their own.
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
Title: Spike And Giles Are The Village Green Preservation Society
Author: Beer Good ([personal profile] beer_good_foamy)
Fandom: Buffyverse, post-"Not Fade Away" (TV canon)
Word count: ~550
Rating: PG13
Summary: Spike survives LA, and for lack of something better to do travels to England to look Giles up. Drinking and national stereotyping ensues. Inspired by this picture, courtesy of [ profile] sueworld2003.

Finding Giles' house wasn't hard. Knowing what to say when he opened the door was another matter, as was the question of whether he'd be invited in or staked on the spot. )
beer_good_foamy: (Wild as the wind)
Title: Hitting Things And A Whole Lotta Jack D (Among Other Things)
Author: Beer Good ([personal profile] beer_good_foamy)
Fandom: Buffy, 3.06 "Band Candy"
Word count: ~1000
Pairing: Ripper/Faith
Rating: PG13... possibly edging into R, note warnings
Warnings: Underage drinking, underage sex, sex under mystical and/or drunken influence, a certain amount of violence.
Summary: You didn't seriously think Ripper went home and went to bed after the events of "Band Candy", did you?
Written for [personal profile] snickfic's crackficathon and [ profile] penny_lane_42/[personal profile] snickfic's prompt for Band Candy!Giles/Faith.

There are things Faith can handle. Vampires? No problem. Stuck-up blonde Slayers? No problem. Dealing with getting your Watcher killed? Work in progress, but that's why the good Lord made biker bars that don't card. With bikers. Who are also not a problem, she's known how to make them fight each other since before she had superpowers. However, a stuffy (though admittedly cute) English gentleman plonking down on the barstool next to you while two guys with facial tattoos are outside fighting over who gets that seat? Might be a problem. )


Jul. 26th, 2012 12:32 am
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
Here's the closest I've ever come to Giles/Spike. Don't ask me why. For [ profile] open_on_sunday's challenge "Eureka."

The Buoyancy Principle


Ignore him.


"What?" Giles opened the bathroom door and glared at the shackled vampire in his bathtub.

"I'm bored. Fancy a quiz? What did Archimedes discover - "

Giles slammed the door and returned to his books. He realised something was wrong an hour later, when his socks grew damp.

After wading to the bathroom, he found Spike grinning in the overflowing tub, running the tap with his feet. "If you want your carpet to live, either undo my chains or reach down and pull out the plug I'm sitting on. Either way, I won’t be bored anymore."
beer_good_foamy: (Buffy)
I started writing this for [ profile] snickfic's crackficathon and [ profile] eowyn_315's prompt "Crossover with The West Wing - Buffy shows up for Total Crackpot Day Big Block of Cheese Day to alert the President of the existence of vampires." Then it got delayed, then my computer crashed and it was lost, but then I figured "What the hell, it's a fun idea, I have to write it sometime." So here it is. Big thanks to my beta [personal profile] lutamira! Any remaining mistakes are entirely mine.

Title Ms Summers Goes To Washington
Author Beer Good ([personal profile] beer_good_foamy)
Rating PG13
Word Count ~3000
Fandom West Wing/Buffy (post-series)
Characters/Pairing (if any) Mostly gen, with some Josh/Donna and Giles/Lord John Marbury.
Warnings ***Friendly mockage of cultural and political stereotypes***
Summary The American people need protection from vampires. Buffy needs funding. The American government has money. You'd think there'd be an obvious solution to this. And so, one day, Buffy, Giles and Willow dressed up in their best business suits and dropped by the White House.

It seemed like a regular White House morning. )
beer_good_foamy: (Buffy)
Quick double drabble for [community profile] still_grrr, which I've neglected for far too long, and the prompt "Elementary school."

Title Expertise
Author Beer Good ([personal profile] beer_good_foamy)
Rating PG
Word Count 200
Characters/Pairing (if any) Buffy, Willow, Giles
Summary Season 7. Following “First Date”, Buffy has to ask Willow to do something she really doesn’t want to do.

You’re kinda asking a lot here. Bad memories. )

#11: Buffy

Dec. 24th, 2010 01:20 am
beer_good_foamy: (Death)
#11, and here's an obscure little fandom you may not have heard of. It's got, like, vampires and witches and the occasional penguin.

Previously: Firefly, Mad Men, House, Dollhouse, Sandman, Dr Horrible, Farscape, Sarah Connor Chronicles, Black Books, Dexter

Title: When In Rome
Fandom: Buffy
Characters/Pairing: Core four
Spoilers: Post-"Chosen"
Word count: 100

Io, Saturnalia! )
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
Woooo! I won stuff!

Shinies! )

Huge thanks to the people at [ profile] c2c_buffyawards, everyone who nominated and voted, and congrats to the other winners! (Read all the nominated fics here.)

Also, since I wrote this years ago but never actually posted it here and since [ profile] flake_sake asked, here's the probably only BtVS/Ronja the Robber's Daughter crossover ever. What's Ronja the Robber's Daughter, you ask? Well, it's a book by Astrid Lindgren, the woman who wrote Pippi Longstocking, and also a film directed by one of my favourite writers. If you have no idea what's happening here, that just proves you need to at least watch the movie. But short version: what if the most memorable non-villains of Ronja ended up on Buffy?

Faith vs The Ass-Elves

Våffå göööör di på dette vise? )
beer_good_foamy: (Default)
Woooo! I won stuff!

Shinies! )

Huge thanks to the people at [ profile] c2c_buffyawards, everyone who nominated and voted, and congrats to the other winners! (Read all the nominated fics here.)

Also, since I wrote this years ago but never actually posted it here and since [ profile] flake_sake asked, here's the probably only BtVS/Ronja the Robber's Daughter crossover ever. What's Ronja the Robber's Daughter, you ask? Well, it's a book by Astrid Lindgren, the woman who wrote Pippi Longstocking, and also a film directed by one of my favourite writers. If you have no idea what's happening here, that just proves you need to at least watch the movie. But short version: what if the most memorable non-villains of Ronja ended up on Buffy?

Faith vs The Ass-Elves

Våffå göööör di på dette vise? )
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