Fic: In Which Pooh Discovers A Blue Box (Dr Who/Winnie The Pooh)

[beer_good_foamy]

Right, it's been a while since I posted anything. So here's the first of two fics for this year's spook_me challenge. The other one should be up sometime later tonight if I can just get it to play (not very) nice.

This is a crack crossover I've had in my head for years, and figured this was as good a time as any to write it.

Title: In Which Pooh Discovers A Blue Box
Author: Beer Good (beer_good_foamy)
Fandom: Winnie The Pooh/Doctor Who (Tenth Doctor)
Rating: PG
Word count: ~1800
Warnings: ***Character death***
Author's note: Written for the spook_me challenge "Shapeshifter".
Summary: The Doctor is delighted to land in the Hundred Acre Woods. Well, he would be. But what sort of trouble will the Doctor's arrival bring for Pooh and his little friends?

"You made a bear!"
"I didn't mean to..."
"UNDO IT! UNDO IT!"
- Buffy the Vampire Slayer

In Which Pooh Discovers A Blue Box

Once upon a time, a very long time ago now, about last Saturday, Winnie-the-Pooh lived in a forest all by himself under the name of Sanders. (That means he had the name over the door in gold letters, and lived under it.) On this particular day he was out walking after having played Pooh-Sticks all morning, when he came to an open place in the middle of the forest, and in the middle of this place was a large blue box, and, from within the box, there came a loud vworping-noise.

Winnie-the-Pooh sat down to look at the box, put his head between his paws and began to think.

First of all he said to himself: "That vworping-noise means something. If there's a vworping-noise, somebody's making a vworping-noise, and the only reason for making a vworping-noise is... " He thought for a long time, trying to figure out why a box would be making such a noise, scratching his head, but not coming up with a good answer. Finally, he said: "Perhaps Vworping-Boxes contain honey?"

He thought for another while, and then decided to go ask Owl, who was very wise and knew about these things. He walked off towards The Chestnuts, where Owl lived.

When he had walked about halfway to The Chestnuts, he met up with Piglet. "Hallo, Pooh," said Piglet. "Where are you off to?"

"I've found a Blue Vworping-Box, and I am going to ask Owl how to open it," said Pooh. "Do you want to join me?"

Piglet looked slightly frightened, as he often did when Pooh was around to protect him. "I don't know," he said. "Are Vworping-Boxes dangerous?"

"Only the white ones," Pooh said with great confidence, though he was not entirely sure how he knew this. He took Piglet's paw in his and off they went.

When Pooh, Piglet and Owl returned to the Blue Vworping-Box, it had grown silent, which led Owl to declare it simply a Blue Box, Piglet to look worriedly about himself, and Pooh to wish he had some honey. After flying around the Box a few times, Owl discovered a Message on the front of the Box, which he promptly read and declared: "It says 'Push To Open'." So Pooh and Piglet did, while Owl told them at great length about a door that once belonged to an aunt of his, but to very little effect as the door didn't move at all. Eventually Pooh simply knocked on the door.

The door opened, revealing a man in a stripey suit and glasses, and a woman in a red jacket and curly hair standing behind him. When the man saw Pooh and Piglet (who was trying his best not to look frightened as he hid behind Pooh's back), he broke out into a huge grin. "Oh, hallo! You're ... Oh. Oh, you are them, aren't you? Look at you!"

"Doctor?" the woman asked, staring at them. "Is that really...?"

"Of course it is! Martha Jones, may I introduce Edward Bear AKA Winnie-the-Pooh, Piglet, and ..." He craned his neck upwards to see Owl perched on top of the Box. "...and Owl! Gentlemen, this is Miss Martha Jones, and I'm the Doctor."

Owl hooed.

"Exactly," the Doctor said. "And it's so very good to meet you."

Pooh nodded, as very little that happened in the woods surprised him, and though he was a Bear of Very Little Brain, he always appreciated people who spelled their titles with a capital letter.

Martha Jones didn't seem quite convinced. "But can we really do that, Doctor? Travel into fiction?"

"Well, not really, but I've done it once or twice before. Infinite universes, monkeys on typewriters, and all that. Besides, Christopher Robin Milne actually had all those toys, so technically they're not really fictional."

"Uh... OK. But why would the TARDIS bring us here?"

"Oh, I guess we'll find out soon enough. Right," he continued, turning towards the others. "Thing is, the TARDIS is acting up for some reason, and won't let us take off. Do you mind if we hang out with you for a bit while we figure out why?"

Pooh thought about this. If they were having guests, then it would probably be right to offer them tea. And if there was tea, there would be Things To Eat. And if there were Things To Eat, then it would be awfully impolite of him not to join them. And so he suggested that they go over to Rabbit's House, where there was usually always something available. Piglet, as usual, quickly agreed with him.

"Oh, this is beautiful!" the Doctor declared as they walked through the quiet forest, with a Very Big Smile that made Owl ask if by any chance he was a relative of Tigger. (He wasn't.)

Finding Rabbit's House was something of a challenge. There were many holes in the ground, especially after that business with Rabbit's relatives a few weeks ago. Also, the little creek running through the forest had risen quite a bit (there was something Odd about this, Pooh thought, but then blamed it on his Very Little Brain and didn't bring it up) which made it difficult to find their way around. But eventually they found the right hole, and at Pooh's insistence, the Doctor and Martha Jones climbed in; the Doctor somewhat more enthusiastically. Pooh and Piglet followed.

The first thing Pooh noticed when he entered Rabbit's House - where the Doctor and Martha Jones had to bend down to not bump their heads against the ceiling, even as the Doctor was happily declaring that it was bigger on the inside - was that Rabbit was not home. The second was that his, that is to say Pooh's, feet were wet. In fact, the entire floor was covered in water up to his fuzzy little ankles, and it appeared to be slowly rising.

The Doctor, who seemed very pleased to have a problem to solve, pulled out a small Whirring-Pen and started poking around Rabbit's House. He eventually found Rabbit's back door, which Rabbit had apparently tried to hide behind several old rags. Pooh, being a Helping Bear, pulled the rags out of the way, and immediately more water started coming in around the edges of the door. "Rrright," the Doctor said. "It seems Rabbit has a small flooding problem on his hands. Sorry, paws. The back door seems to be completely under water. That creek did look a little high, didn't it?"

Pooh nodded, once again wondering at that Thought at the back of his head as the water splashed around his shins. Then he remembered. "I think Eeyore got stuck in the creek earlier when we were playing Pooh-Sticks. I was going to get help for him when I found your Box. Could that have something to do with it?" He wasn't sure why he'd forgotten something this important, but at least nobody had ripped off parts of Eeyore's body to make a bell-pull for their door this time, he thought.

"Aw, poor Eeyore!" cried the Doctor. "He's obviously dammed up the creek, causing it to overflow. Well, I guess we know why the TARDIS sent us here. We'll have to go rescue him, won't we, Martha?"

"You really think the TARDIS sent us here to rescue a depressed plush donkey?"

"Why wouldn't it? Not everything can be about Daleks and ends of the world, you know. The poor thing must be completely sodden by now. Lead on, Pooh!"

Piglet cast a quick eye at Pooh for approval, then quickly clambered out of the hole. Pooh followed, but -

"Oh, bother," said Pooh. "Not again."

"What's wrong?" he heard the Doctor ask from somewhere behind him. "Are you stuck?"

"N-no," said Pooh carelessly. "Just resting and thinking and humming to myself."

"I certainly don't want to discourage either of those, but we are getting a tiny bit wet back here. Do you think you'll be done anytime soon?"

Pooh tried again to free himself, but it seemed hopeless. "If I were stuck," he asked, "would that be a Bad Thing?"

"Eventually, yes, but let's not have it come to that. Do you think you could get someone to pull you out?" The Doctor and Martha Jones gave Pooh a push from below while Piglet pulled a bit at Pooh's paws and Owl circled above them explaining the proper way of pushing, or possibly pulling, someone out of a hole, but as Pooh was a Bear of Very Large Posterior it did nothing to loose him from the hole.

There followed several minutes of commotion from beneath him as the Doctor and Martha Jones alternated between pushing at Pooh's rump, whirring at him with the Whirring-Pen (which was quite tickly, but no matter how much Pooh chuckled he was still stuck in the hole like a cork in a bottle), and splashing around Rabbit's House looking for a shovel or rake or Implement of Destruction. Eventually, though, there was a tremendous crack and an equally tremendous woosh and a surprised yelp as the back door gave way and Rabbit's House was filled quite to the ceiling with water. Something tickled at Pooh's very cold and wet feet for a few more moments, then everything was quiet except for the gurgling. Eventually the water made the earth around him loose enough that he could crawl free.

Pooh and Piglet looked down into the hole, where water now ran all the way up to the rim. There was a peculiar golden light fading down in the hole, and a few bubbles rose to the surface, but then everything was still.

"W-what happened?" Piglet asked, as usual very careful of not saying anything that might upset Pooh.

Pooh thought about it, scratched his head, and then said, "You know, Piglet, I think we caught a Heffalump."

Piglet eeked appropriately and peeked out from behind Pooh to regard the hole suspiciously. "Do you think it can get out?"

Pooh thought he remembered hearing somewhere that Heffalumps can't swim, so they should be safe. Owl quickly agreed with him, and they all went home for tea.

Returning to his house, Pooh took an extra look at the sign with the gold letters above his door. "SANDERS", it said. Something about it felt almost right, somehow. It was peculiar how his name was both Edward Bear and Winnie-The-Pooh and Sanders at the same time.

Once inside, having satisfied his hunger with honey, he took out the Very Important Pocket-Watch that he remembered having as long as he'd lived in the Hundred Acre Wood, which is to say, he wasn't sure how long he'd had it. He wondered if he should open it; but perhaps another day. Being a Bear of Very Little Brain had its upsides, he thought, though he wondered if he should think up another name to add to the ones he already had. Perhaps something beginning with... M? Maa something? He liked the sound of that. Tomorrow, he would go see if there was indeed honey in the Blue Vworping-Box, or perhaps something else he could use.

Humming a little song about stars, he settled down for the night. And that is not the end of the story, but it's all he'll let me tell you right now.

Comments

[ffutures.livejournal.com]

OMG You killed Martha and the Doctor! VERY silly!!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

I most certainly did not! It was Pooh! He made me! And he sounded just like John Simm!

Or in other words, thanks! :)