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beer_good_foamy) wrote2016-12-21 09:51 pm
beer_good_foamy) wrote2016-12-21 09:51 pm
Ficlet: A Slayin' Song Tonight
It's the annual holiday fic! I felt kind of bad about last year's fic and how it anticipated some real-life events, so I went extra fluffy this time. Happy whatever, everyone!
Title: A Slayin' Song Tonight
Author: Beer Good (beer_good_foamy)
Fandom: Buffyverse (post-series)
Rating: PG13
Word count: 6x100
Characters: Ensemble
Summary: Five holiday decorations that can be used to slay vampires, and one vice versa. AKA the Scooby Holiday Meet-Up is about as peaceful as you'd expect.
In retrospect, renting a Cleveland hotel ballroom for the annual Scooby Holiday Meet-Up wasn't the best idea. But Buffy's tiny apartment wouldn't hold them all, and the hotel promised food, drinks and holiday paraphernalia at a very decent price (as thanks for clearing up that haunting three weeks earlier).
The vampire gang who (somewhat unwisely) cut the power and crashed the party without needing an invitation presumably weren't part of the service.
"Just once," Buffy muttered as she pulled a Christmas stocking over one vampire's face and staked another, "I'd like one holiday to go according to plan."
* * *
"Um… little help?" Dawn managed to get out as she bounced up and down on the back of the largest vampire. She wasn't sure what she'd been thinking when she tried to choke him with a holiday wreath; pine needles really weren't sharp enough to sever a vampire neck, and now he was trying to throw her off and she hated horsey rides and the eggnog she'd had wasn't helping, and -
When Spike dusted the vamp she tried for a graceful landing, but inertia disagreed and she crashed through the tree, sending angels, candy canes and baubles flying everywhere. "...Ow."
* * *
"OW! Sonofabitch!" Stepping on a bauble is painful even if you're a soulless denizen of the night. One vampire hopped around the room, knocking over the buffet table while trying to pull shards of glass out of his foot, then decided to take his rage out on the old man. "Any last words, grandpa?"
"Merry Christmas?" Giles handed him the gift Buffy had given him. "I suppose as my nemesis, this belongs to you."
The vampire ripped off the wrapping paper, took one look at the knitted sweater with reindeer motif, screamed and dusted.
Giles nodded. "I thought as much."
* * *
"Thanks, Will." Xander brushed off the ashes from the vampire that had been seconds away from a double shot of AB Harris Positive. "Also, huh. I never knew menorahs hurt vampires, but I guess...?"
Willow winced as she carefully checked the abruptly extinguished menorah for vampire-ass-related damage. "May just have been regular vampire fire allergy. It's just... I know I'm not so much with the monotheism these days, and I use crosses to fend off vampires and that's probably some sorta cultural appropriation, but it still feels disrespectful, y'know?" She carefully put it back in the window. "Right. Any more?"
* * *
The last vampire had had enough; nobody had said anything about an army of professional demon hunters. Not wanting to leave empty-handed, he grabbed one of the presents and ran for the door. He almost made it, but then something sparkly flew over his head, slipped down over him and tightened around his legs. He fell face-first, and barely had time to register that someone had landed on his back before a stake pierced his heart.
"Nice one, Blue," Faith said as she holstered the stake.
Illyria dusted off her quickly improvised tinsel lasso. "One does not mess with Texas."
* * *
"Is that it?" Buffy surveyed the damage. "OK, our security deposit's a bust. Aw, the tree."
"Yeah, a vamp did that," Dawn quickly said.
"And one threw your gift on the fire," Giles added. "There's evil for you."
Faith wrenched the remains of the tree upright. "Angel, you wanna be on top?"
Angel ignored Spike's laugh and instead gave Buffy a boost so she could tie Mr Pointy to the top of the tree. A warm glow spread from the few candles that were still lit as the gang stood around with their arms around each other. "Happy holidays, everyone."
Title: A Slayin' Song Tonight
Author: Beer Good (
beer_good_foamy)Fandom: Buffyverse (post-series)
Rating: PG13
Word count: 6x100
Characters: Ensemble
Summary: Five holiday decorations that can be used to slay vampires, and one vice versa. AKA the Scooby Holiday Meet-Up is about as peaceful as you'd expect.
In retrospect, renting a Cleveland hotel ballroom for the annual Scooby Holiday Meet-Up wasn't the best idea. But Buffy's tiny apartment wouldn't hold them all, and the hotel promised food, drinks and holiday paraphernalia at a very decent price (as thanks for clearing up that haunting three weeks earlier).
The vampire gang who (somewhat unwisely) cut the power and crashed the party without needing an invitation presumably weren't part of the service.
"Just once," Buffy muttered as she pulled a Christmas stocking over one vampire's face and staked another, "I'd like one holiday to go according to plan."
"Um… little help?" Dawn managed to get out as she bounced up and down on the back of the largest vampire. She wasn't sure what she'd been thinking when she tried to choke him with a holiday wreath; pine needles really weren't sharp enough to sever a vampire neck, and now he was trying to throw her off and she hated horsey rides and the eggnog she'd had wasn't helping, and -
When Spike dusted the vamp she tried for a graceful landing, but inertia disagreed and she crashed through the tree, sending angels, candy canes and baubles flying everywhere. "...Ow."
"OW! Sonofabitch!" Stepping on a bauble is painful even if you're a soulless denizen of the night. One vampire hopped around the room, knocking over the buffet table while trying to pull shards of glass out of his foot, then decided to take his rage out on the old man. "Any last words, grandpa?"
"Merry Christmas?" Giles handed him the gift Buffy had given him. "I suppose as my nemesis, this belongs to you."
The vampire ripped off the wrapping paper, took one look at the knitted sweater with reindeer motif, screamed and dusted.
Giles nodded. "I thought as much."
"Thanks, Will." Xander brushed off the ashes from the vampire that had been seconds away from a double shot of AB Harris Positive. "Also, huh. I never knew menorahs hurt vampires, but I guess...?"
Willow winced as she carefully checked the abruptly extinguished menorah for vampire-ass-related damage. "May just have been regular vampire fire allergy. It's just... I know I'm not so much with the monotheism these days, and I use crosses to fend off vampires and that's probably some sorta cultural appropriation, but it still feels disrespectful, y'know?" She carefully put it back in the window. "Right. Any more?"
The last vampire had had enough; nobody had said anything about an army of professional demon hunters. Not wanting to leave empty-handed, he grabbed one of the presents and ran for the door. He almost made it, but then something sparkly flew over his head, slipped down over him and tightened around his legs. He fell face-first, and barely had time to register that someone had landed on his back before a stake pierced his heart.
"Nice one, Blue," Faith said as she holstered the stake.
Illyria dusted off her quickly improvised tinsel lasso. "One does not mess with Texas."
"Is that it?" Buffy surveyed the damage. "OK, our security deposit's a bust. Aw, the tree."
"Yeah, a vamp did that," Dawn quickly said.
"And one threw your gift on the fire," Giles added. "There's evil for you."
Faith wrenched the remains of the tree upright. "Angel, you wanna be on top?"
Angel ignored Spike's laugh and instead gave Buffy a boost so she could tie Mr Pointy to the top of the tree. A warm glow spread from the few candles that were still lit as the gang stood around with their arms around each other. "Happy holidays, everyone."
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Much smiling here for the very dead vampires. And especially for Illyria being just a little bit Fred, of course. *sniff*
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Somehow missed last year's story, just read it. Brilliant, though as you say, grimly prescient.
I wonder if Trump will turn into a giant snake demon on Inauguration Day?
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I wonder if Trump will turn into a giant snake demon on Inauguration Day?
Nah, he'll just claim to have turned into a yuge snake demon - the greatest snake demon, the best snake demon - and everyone will believe it even though they watched him not do it.
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Addendum:
From: S****@slayernet.org
To: *****@demon.or.uk
Subject: Party favours
Thanks for arranging the party surprise. The crashers were just the right amount of idiotic to get a fun little spot of violence going.
The kittens are on the way.
S.
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And heee! Spike totally would, wouldn't he? Especially if Angel was there too.
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Thanks!
The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Wednesday, December 21, 2016
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Hee! That one made up for the NOT CANON reindeer sweater dusting. All are lovely, though. I am fond of Willow worrying about her cultural appropriation. I was explaining to my kid why the Solstice has more spiritual meaning for me than mythical baby Jesus™, but that doesn't stop me from listening to carols for hours at a time.
Happy holidays to you, too!
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Thanks a lot! And same here; whatever I don't believe, I definitely believe in carols. (Up to and including the HP Lovecraft ones.)
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that was heartwarming and sweet.
Even with Illyria! I can just imagine her deadpan delivery of that line.
I am picturing this taking place in the Tudor Arms hotel on Carnegie. Nice big gothic windows for the vampires to jump through. :D
I don't know if there's anything you could have predicted worse than last year... President Illyria would be a pleasant change?
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I am picturing this taking place in the Tudor Arms hotel on Carnegie. Nice big gothic windows for the vampires to jump through. :D
Oh, that looks perfect. Sold!
I'm all on board with President Illyria. Even if she decides to kill everyone, at least she'll be good at it.
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Especially this part:
"Yeah, a vamp did that," Dawn quickly said.
"And one threw your gift on the fire," Giles added. "There's evil for you."
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I'm rather proud of Giles here. :)
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Here from buffyversetop5
Giles nodded. "I thought as much."
Come to think of it, did we ever see any vampire attacks over the holidays? This could explain a lot. Sneaky Giles, though!
Re: Here from buffyversetop5
Well, there was the ubervamp in s7, but... Eh, I figure most vampires just want to kick back and relax over the holidays too. :)
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"One does not mess with Texas": awesome on several levels. *g*
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I'm always fond of Illyria incorporating bits-o'-Fred.