Ficlet: Fair Trade Rules

[beer_good_foamy]

Silly little Angel ficlet for still_grrr. The aftermath of "Orpheus", and what happened behind the scenes at the tail end of s4...

Title: Fair Trade Rules
Author: Beer Good (beer_good_foamy)
Word count: 912
Rating: PG13
Prompt: 021 – Soul Trade
Characters/Pairing: AtS ensemble


From: wopang@kunsundai.org
To: wyndam-pryce@wpagency.com
Subject: A friendly reminder

Esteemed Mr Wyndam-Pryce,

I am so happy to hear that your unfortunate business with the loss of Angel's soul was resolved in a satisfactory manner. Again, I wish to stress how sorry I am for the way the spell turned out (although this should under no circumstances be taken as an admission of any legal responsibility).

However, I hate to remind you that the muo-ping which was used to house Angel's soul is a priceless, sacred, ancient object retailing at $69,995.99. I understand and respect that you had to break it in order to retrieve the soul, but since you've only paid the refund deposit of $25 I humbly include the attached invoice for $69,970.99, which I must ask that you pay within 14 days.

I hope you will not take this amiss, and that we will have the opportunity to do more business at a future point.

Yours faithfully,
Wo-Pang

The Kun-Sun-Dai order: Extracting souls through dark magic since 396 AD

---

From: wyndam-pryce@wpagency.com
To: burkle@angel-inc.com
Subject: FWD: A friendly reminder

Hello Fred,

forwarding the invoice as agreed. Cordelia's e-mail is bouncing, for some reason.

Wesley

---

From: burkle@angel-inc.com
To: wyndam-pryce@wpagency.com
Cc: angel@angel-inc.com, gunn@angel-inc.com
Subject: Money

Hi all,

As far as I can figure, Cordy or whatever we're supposed to call her now changed the password to the internet bank before she disappeared. Yup, she's evil. I can crack it, but it's going to take a while and besides I really don't think we've got $70,000 on it right now. Suggestions?

Love,
Fred

---

From: angel@angel-inc.com
To: burkle@angel-inc.com
Subject: Re: Money

how do i open the attachment? i hate these computer things. why do they keep offering me penis enlargements?

---

From: gunn@angel-inc.com
To: burkle@angel-inc.com
Subject: Re: Money

Are we sure he's human? Can't we just slay him?

And why the hell is Wesley in on our financial situation? He hired the guy, let him pay if he wants.

---

From: wopang@kunsundai.org
To: wyndam-pryce@wpagency.com
Cc: burkle@angel-inc.com
Subject: Reminder

Esteemed and honored friends,

just a small reminder that the bill is as of yet unpaid. I realize that the deadline has not yet been reached, and I feel certain that you will pay before it is, so please just consider this a reassurance that the Kun-Sun-Dai never hire attourneys to pursue non-paying customers. We find it works much better to simply take the souls of those who refuse to pay our modest fees. Naturally, this is always a last resort, and as previously stated, I am certain that you will want to preserve the good nature of our business relationship.

Yours faithfully,
Wo-Pang

The Kun-Sun-Dai order: Extracting souls through dark magic since 396 AD

---

From: burkle@angel-inc.com
To: willrose@ucsunnydale.edu
Subject: Hiya

Hi Willow!

Thanks a lot for stopping by the other day, I had a blast. Hope your apocalypse is going well!

Anyway, hate to bring this up, but it seems that mystical jar you broke was worth a lot of money. And as grateful as we are for your help, we're in a bit of a financial jam at the moment and since it *was* you that broke it, I was just wondering if you or the Watcher's Council can chip in on paying for it?

Love,
Fred

PS: Isn't Jasmine the greatest?

---

From: willrose@ucsunnydale.edu
To: burkle@angel-inc.com
Subject: Re: Hiya

Hiya Fred!

So good to hear from you. Things have been pretty hectic around here, so I'm afraid I have to keep this a bit short.

Just how much money are we talking about, exactly? I'll check with Giles, cause the whole "rich Jews" thing - not so much true in my case. Besides, the rental car I used to get to LA set me back a bit, especially with the blood in the back seat and Faith chainsmoking, and with everyone getting out of Sunnydale the banks are pretty much out of cash right now.

Anyway, hope we can get together to discuss those texts at some point!

/Willow

PS: I guess, I kinda prefer lilies myself.

---

From: rgiles@watchers.org.uk
To: willrose@ucsunnydale.edu
Subject: Re: Money for Angel

You are joking, surely?

---

From: burkle@angel-inc.com
To: wyndam-pryce@wpagency.com
Cc: angel@angel-inc.com, gunn@angel-inc.com
Subject: No go

Hi guys,

it seems the Sunnydalians are too busy to help out. Really not keen on losing my soul over a few thousand bucks. Any ideas on how to get the money or get Wo-Pang off our backs? Don't we have any new clients or anything like that?

Love,
Fred

---

From: lmorgan@wolfram-hart.hell.com
To: bookkeeping@wolfram-hart.com
Subject: Bill

Make sure this gets paid as quickly and as discreetly as possible. Part of a deal. Ask any questions and I'll make sure you end up down here with me quicker than you can say "please stop boiling me in my own urine".

Lilah Morgan (deceased)

---

From: wopang@kunsundai.org
To: wwyndam-pryce@wolfram-hart.com
Subject: Payment received!

Esteemed Mr Wyndam-Pryce,

congratulations on your new employment! I have had many dealings with Wolfram & Hart in the past, and I am sure that you will enjoy your new position.

Anyway, I was pleased to receive payment of that unfortunate little invoice – two days late, but who's counting, right? As this business is now concluded, I hope that you will communicate this to the legal department of Wolfram & Hart, and especially the goons you've had posted outside my office for the last 48 hours.

It's been a pleasure doing business with you!

Yours faithfully,
Wo-Pang

The Kun-Sun-Dai order: Extracting souls through dark magic since 396 AD

Comments

[curiouswombat.livejournal.com]

Neat. I laughed out loud, quite literally, at PS: I guess, I kinda prefer lilies myself.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I just pictured Willow being completely clueless as to why Fred was going on about jasmine...

[mrs-underhill.livejournal.com]

Bra-vo! Enjoyed it immensely. And so true that only Lilah would chip in in that situation (and with a twist, as usual).

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[copykween.livejournal.com]

Make sure this gets paid as quickly and as discreetly as possible. Part of a deal. Ask any questions and I'll make sure you end up down here with me quicker than you can say "please stop boiling me in my own urine".

Lilah Morgan (deceased)

HAHAHH! OMG this was my favorite part. Another fun ficlet. Thanks :)

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thank YOU! And of course they have e-mail in hell, too... :-)

[stormwreath.livejournal.com]

So that's why Wesley accepted the deal?

Personally, it was Angel's reaction to this newfangled email thingie that got me laughing...

[fangfaceandrea.livejournal.com]

Pretty grat my favorit part was Ange's e-mail , Willow prefering Lilies,Giles response, Sunnydalians andLilah paying for it. Oh hell I loved it all XD

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Of course it was. Hell, he's in the country on a greencard, he doesn't want to have to declare bankruptcy.

[shinodabear.livejournal.com]

Teehee! Very amusing.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[shapinglight]

Great stuff. I loved Angel's terse little contribution. He obviously isn't very comfortable with email is he?

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Hell, as far as Angel is concerned, the guillotine is hi-tech. How he ever learned to drive a car is beyond me. Thanks!

[slaymesoftly.livejournal.com]

ROFL - *hands you a cookie*

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Yum! Thanks!

[lynnenne]

why do they keep offering me penis enlargements?

Hahahahahahaha. I'm sure Angel would be very offended by the suggestion. :)

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

And he doesn't even have Buffy, Darla or Spike around to tell him there's nothing wrong with it, so he's just going to keep wondering... :-) Thanks!

[mabus101.livejournal.com]

*rolling on the floor helplessly laughing* Got to this late due to being busy all weekend, but this is great...

I agree with everyone about Angel and e-mail. I'm amazed he managed to get online at all....

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

I'm amazed he's even figured out how cars work, really. I kept waiting for him to refer to them as "horseless coaches" on the show.

[cafecomics.livejournal.com]

Hilarious ! Loved the Sunnydale gang replies. ^_^

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks! It's always fun to have the Angel and Buffy characters take a look at each others' plots - I always imagine both sides muttering "Our apocalypse was MUCH harder than theirs". :-)

[diachrony.livejournal.com]

I loved this. Hilarious all the way through. I cracked up out loud several times. The sig line on the Kun-Sun-Dai emails ... bwa! Angel and the penis enlargements (and not capitalizing) ... hee! and many more! So good.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I imagine Angel gave up on understanding shift keys sometime around 1921 or so.

[snowpuppies]

why do they keep offering me penis enlargements?

*dies*

You know, there area lots of funny bits, here, but this one...it just takes the cake. I can *so* see Angel wondering this, then mulling it over for days, checking out the equipment to make sure it's as remembered, and being all distracted.

Great connecting piece. Makes a lot of sense.

Plus - funny! *g*

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I love dork!Angel, so any chance to sneak him in... plus I got to write Lilah. I don't know why I don't write her more. :-)

[nvr-sk-to-tll.livejournal.com]

Hey, found this via crack_van and had to comment. This is awesome, amazingly amusing and a very good bridge out of s4...well done indeed!

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks a lot! I always like to see this fic getting some attention, it was a lot of fun to write.

[libco.livejournal.com]

Cute! Don't know how I missed it.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

Thanks!