Ficlet: Eat the Rich
Jan. 15th, 2021 07:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beer_good_foamyIt's More Joy Day! Also, it's Friday! So this is a very silly fic of an idea that may have deserved a more serious treatment but… eh. Here's hoping someone finds it fun.
Title: Eat the Rich
Author: Beer Good (beer_good_foamy)
Fandom: Buffy
Characters/Pairing: Buffy, Andrew
Rating: PG13
Word count: ~650
Summary: How Buffy blew up the Mayor twice and made a million dollars.
Eat The Rich
"Hello, gentle listeners, and welcome to SlayerPod. Today we have with us Buffy Summers, Slayer of the Vampyres - "
"I'm not warning you about that again, Andrew."
"My apologies. But thank you for doing this interview. Of course, our listeners know you as the last 'original' Slayer, as the liberator of all potentials, the breaker of chains, mother of - "
"Andrew."
"...but today you've agreed to talk about a less publicized part of your legacy, namely how you granted the Slayer organization financial independence from the old council."
"I don't know how much there is to tell, but sure."
"Let's go back to the beginning. This all started after you blew up the Mayor of Sunnydale, is that correct?"
"Yeah. Well, the second time we blew him up."
"The second time, yes. How did that happen, exactly?"
"That's really more of a Giles question, my brain was already pretty much in 'Fire bad, tree pretty' mood both times. But apparently there was some sort of alternate universe space-time-folding thing, and so one day I'm standing there on the edge of the Sunnydale crater and next thing I know I'm 18 again and facing down a 100-foot snake with a knife and the school all non-blown up behind me."
"And so the Mayor attacked you just like the first time?"
"Kinda. Apparently he remembered everything too, so before I had time to taunt him about stabbing F... I mean, foiling his plans to make him chase me, he started chasing me to get revenge for blowing him up the first time."
"And so he chased you into the library and you blew him up."
"Uh-huh."
"Again."
"Uh-huh. Beats me why he thought he'd get away with it the second time, but... At least now I got to redo all the stuff I got wrong the first time around. Plus, watching him blow up again was pretty cool."
"Thus it always is with villains, gentle listeners; they fail to learn from the past and make stupid mistakes that - "
"No. It's not always like that, we got really lucky. You never really know what's going to happen, only that it's going to be hard and - "
"Of course, the details of your defeat of the Mayor are available in our episode #16, along with our top ten list of your most, uh, inspirational long speeches. But we're here today to talk about the aftermath of what some call the battle of Sunnydale High, after Richard Wilkins III became the first mayor in Sunnydale history to turn into a snake and explode twice. Tell me how you got the idea."
"Well, there was this thing principal Snyder said to me - "
"Principal Snyder, of course, was one of the unfortunate victims of the Mayor."
"Dunno about unfortunate. He was eaten by his boss, if that's what you mean, and if you wanna thus-it-always anything about villains, that's probably it. But it got me thinking; Snyder once said the best I could hope for was to work at Hot Dog On A Stick. Well, there we were with five tons of prime grilled Mayor Meat and the loosest food safety rules in the contintental United States, and long story short, two weeks later Hot Dog On A Stick were working for me."
"And that, of course, was the start of your Demonburgers franchise, which currently operates 27 restaurants and a number of food trucks all over the US. Tell me, how do you make sure the demon meat is safe for human comsumtion?"
"Oh, that's a spell. Tara's in charge of that, it's all very ethical and Wicca-balance-the-elements-friendly."
"And the guillotine?"
"Well, that's just a humane way to slau... slay them. I learned that at a talent show once."
"The things you learn on a hellmouth."
"Yep. Slay in school, kids."
"Haha. Now, how do you respond to allegations that Demonburgers uses Slayers for unpaid labor - "
"Are you talking about to the free training program offered by the company that sponsors this podcast?"
"Uh... I guess that's all the time we have this week, gentle listeners. Thank you for tuning in, and don't forget to like and subscribe, it really helps us out with the algorithms."
Title: Eat the Rich
Author: Beer Good (
beer_good_foamy)Fandom: Buffy
Characters/Pairing: Buffy, Andrew
Rating: PG13
Word count: ~650
Summary: How Buffy blew up the Mayor twice and made a million dollars.
Eat The Rich
"Hello, gentle listeners, and welcome to SlayerPod. Today we have with us Buffy Summers, Slayer of the Vampyres - "
"I'm not warning you about that again, Andrew."
"My apologies. But thank you for doing this interview. Of course, our listeners know you as the last 'original' Slayer, as the liberator of all potentials, the breaker of chains, mother of - "
"Andrew."
"...but today you've agreed to talk about a less publicized part of your legacy, namely how you granted the Slayer organization financial independence from the old council."
"I don't know how much there is to tell, but sure."
"Let's go back to the beginning. This all started after you blew up the Mayor of Sunnydale, is that correct?"
"Yeah. Well, the second time we blew him up."
"The second time, yes. How did that happen, exactly?"
"That's really more of a Giles question, my brain was already pretty much in 'Fire bad, tree pretty' mood both times. But apparently there was some sort of alternate universe space-time-folding thing, and so one day I'm standing there on the edge of the Sunnydale crater and next thing I know I'm 18 again and facing down a 100-foot snake with a knife and the school all non-blown up behind me."
"And so the Mayor attacked you just like the first time?"
"Kinda. Apparently he remembered everything too, so before I had time to taunt him about stabbing F... I mean, foiling his plans to make him chase me, he started chasing me to get revenge for blowing him up the first time."
"And so he chased you into the library and you blew him up."
"Uh-huh."
"Again."
"Uh-huh. Beats me why he thought he'd get away with it the second time, but... At least now I got to redo all the stuff I got wrong the first time around. Plus, watching him blow up again was pretty cool."
"Thus it always is with villains, gentle listeners; they fail to learn from the past and make stupid mistakes that - "
"No. It's not always like that, we got really lucky. You never really know what's going to happen, only that it's going to be hard and - "
"Of course, the details of your defeat of the Mayor are available in our episode #16, along with our top ten list of your most, uh, inspirational long speeches. But we're here today to talk about the aftermath of what some call the battle of Sunnydale High, after Richard Wilkins III became the first mayor in Sunnydale history to turn into a snake and explode twice. Tell me how you got the idea."
"Well, there was this thing principal Snyder said to me - "
"Principal Snyder, of course, was one of the unfortunate victims of the Mayor."
"Dunno about unfortunate. He was eaten by his boss, if that's what you mean, and if you wanna thus-it-always anything about villains, that's probably it. But it got me thinking; Snyder once said the best I could hope for was to work at Hot Dog On A Stick. Well, there we were with five tons of prime grilled Mayor Meat and the loosest food safety rules in the contintental United States, and long story short, two weeks later Hot Dog On A Stick were working for me."
"And that, of course, was the start of your Demonburgers franchise, which currently operates 27 restaurants and a number of food trucks all over the US. Tell me, how do you make sure the demon meat is safe for human comsumtion?"
"Oh, that's a spell. Tara's in charge of that, it's all very ethical and Wicca-balance-the-elements-friendly."
"And the guillotine?"
"Well, that's just a humane way to slau... slay them. I learned that at a talent show once."
"The things you learn on a hellmouth."
"Yep. Slay in school, kids."
"Haha. Now, how do you respond to allegations that Demonburgers uses Slayers for unpaid labor - "
"Are you talking about to the free training program offered by the company that sponsors this podcast?"
"Uh... I guess that's all the time we have this week, gentle listeners. Thank you for tuning in, and don't forget to like and subscribe, it really helps us out with the algorithms."
no subject
Date: 2021-01-15 06:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-01-15 08:28 pm (UTC)And obviously. Leaving it just lying around like that had to be a biohazard. This is a far more eco-friendly way to dispose of it.
no subject
Date: 2021-01-15 06:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-01-15 08:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-01-15 10:23 pm (UTC)I love both Buffy's and Andrew's voices in this.
no subject
Date: 2021-01-16 04:09 pm (UTC)Andrew's voice is one of those where you basically have to read each line out loud to check if it sounds right. Him and the Master, for some reason.
no subject
Date: 2021-01-16 02:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-01-16 04:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-01-16 05:14 pm (UTC)Also I just love Andrew having a podcast. Because he so would.
no subject
Date: 2021-01-18 10:45 am (UTC)I'm pretty sure snake is eaten in many places!
Oh definitely, I've had it myself. Not usually of the giant demon kind, though. :)
And of course he would. And Willow would convince Buffy that it would be a good way to reach the younger Slayers.