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beer_good_foamyHere's a little something I whipped up to cover old prompts at ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
tthdrabbles.
Title: Four People Who Failed Their Watcher Training (And One Who Didn’t)
Author:beer_good_foamy
Fandoms: BtVS/Various
Disclaimer: This is strictly for fun/parody purposes and no money has or ever will change hands.
Summary: After the events of “Chosen”, obviously the gang needs to hire some new Watchers to help take care of all the new Slayers. Some work out. Most... don’t.
Title: Using Force
Word count: 200
Fandom: BtVS/Farscape
Challenge: 93: Mistaken identity
Using Force
Eventually they sent in the heavy artillery to talk to Andrew about the new Watcher-in-training. The heavy artillery being Spike.
“Look, Andrew... I know you mean the best for the girls, and I know what it’s like to wish something were true. But you have to face that this bloke isn’t who you think he is.”
Inside the meeting room behind them, they could hear the object of their discussion handing out orders to a group of Slayers, and the groans and protests that followed.
Andrew swallowed. “I-I knew it was too good to be true, but he looked so much like him... Why is life never fair, Spike?”
“Sometimes it is.” Spike put a supportive hand on Andrew’s shoulder. “I promise. This just isn’t one of those times.”
“No. He’s... really not Yoda, is he?”
They heard the Watcher-in-training repeat his request, and one of the Slayers apparently had enough.
”Unhand me, wench! I am your better! I- No! Woah! WOOOOOOAH!”
There was a punting noise, and Rygel XVI came flying out the door to the meeting room, farting helium all the way.
“Search your feelings, Andrew,” Spike said in a high-pitched squeak. “You know it to be true.”
Title: Ambitious But Rubbish
Word count: 200
Fandom: BtVS/Top Gear
Challenge: 108: Out for a drive
Warning: Character undeath
Ambitious But Rubbish
The Watcher-in-training held up his hands defensively. "Now, before you get your knickers in a - "
Buffy’s look shut him up. "You were hired because you said you knew about surviving and fighting evil..."
"We beat the Germans fair and square."
"... not to pimp the bus."
"But just imagine: there's a nest of vampires in Detroit, you need to get there immediately, so you get in the new and improved bus and VOOM. What could possibly go wrong?"
Buffy looked at the former Sunnydale school bus, which now resembled a 60-foot jet-engine-powered boat holding two persons, tops. "You're so fired, Clarkson."
“Now, before you make any rash decisions, let’s see how it performs. For that, we need a test driver.” A man in a white racing suit and helmet stepped out behind Jeremy. “Some say he cannot cross running water, and that if you drop a bag of seeds, he has to stop and count them. All we know is - “
“ - He’s wearing a sunproof suit.” Buffy flipped up the helmet’s visor, and the Stig promptly dusted. “Thought so.”
“Oh dear.” Jeremy stared at the pile of ashes. “The BBC said they’d have me killed if I lost another one.”
Title: Bavarian Fire Department
Word count: 200
Fandom: BtVS/Scrubs
Challenge: 105: Movie titles: The Killing Floor
Bavarian Fire Department
"Everybody to the bus! NOW! This is NOT a drill, people!" Kennedy loved drills. Have the Slayers get out of bed in the middle of the night, get dressed ("MOVE MOVE MOVE!"), grab their weapons, sprint down the hall -
"Wooooooah!" "Look out!" "What the - " "Fuuuuuu-" The pile of Slayers slid in a most disorderly fashion across the newly waxed floor and piled up against the far wall. "Ow."
The new Watcher-in-training stepped out of the shadows, mop in hand. "Didn't you see the WET FLOOR sign?"
"What sign?" Kennedy looked around the pitch-dark hallway. “Did you remove all the lightbulbs?"
"...Maybe."
“That’s it.” Kennedy snatched the mop away from him. “I don’t care if Buffy thinks we might need that squirrel army you say you have, I’m marching to Personnel and ripping up your file right now.”
“Really.”
“Oh yeah.”
“Right. I know a bureaucrat when I see one, and I’m willing to bet young Miss Summers has filed everything alphabetically by name. What’s my name?”
Kennedy just stared at him.
“Thought not. Now, if you don’t mind, I have to clean this mess up. Thank you.” The Janitor took his mop back and started polishing the floor again.
Title: That Chick Knows What I Like
Word count: 200
Fandom: BtVS/How I Met Your Mother
Challenge: 70: Double Trouble
Warning: Selfcest
Pairing: Willow/Lily
That Chick Knows What I Like
“Wow.” Willow collapsed onto her pillow, then reached out and tenderly brushed a strand of hair from the Watcher-in-training's sweaty face. "You're sure you're not a vampire?"
"If you're sure you're not a stripper," Lily Aldrin panted, tracing a finger up Willow’s jawline. "Professionally, I mean."
They lay in bed, slowly relaxing and trying to find a way of looking at and touching themse... uh, each other that didn't feel weird. "So... now what?" Willow asked after counting freckles for a while.
"I don't know. I always wanted to try this, and it was great and all, but..."
"But But has a name?"
"Marshall."
"Which I'm guessing isn't short for Marsha."
Lily shook her head.
"Oh. Well... I think we might be in ruley exception land here. And this was totally a one-off thing, I'm sure we can work together e-even if we can’t seem to..."
"Hang on, I really gotta check something." Lily dove under the covers to see if that thing did the same thing for Willow as it did for her. (It did, to a disturbing degree of similarity.)
Darnit. School teachers make such good Watchers, too.
Title: Effing The Ineffable
Word count: 200
Fandom: BtVS/Dexter
Challenge: 106: It isn’t what it looks like!
Warning: Foul language
Effing The Ineffable
Buffy took in the scene in the training room with dawning horror. "What happened?"
"Dode of your busidess, B." Faith lay on the couch, pale with shock and nursing a severe nosebleed.
Dawn ignored Faith's death glare. "It was the new Watcher-in-training, Morgan. Faith said something less than flattering about cops, and she let Faith have it."
Buffy regarded Faith, who looked utterly traumatised. "Please tell me Morgan's still alive."
"I didet touch her," Faith muttered.
“Lucky for her. What the hell was she thinking, punching Faith?”
“Oh, she didn’t,” Dawn laughed. “She just... found Faith’s Achilles heel.”
“That beads weak spot, B.”
“I know what it means. How?”
Dawn yelled “DEB?"
"Fuck d'you want?" Deborah Morgan poked her head around the door.
"Tell Buffy what you told Faith."
"I just called her a ..." There’s really no reason to repeat every R-rated invective Deb used; suffice to say that it took her about two minutes to run through the list. "...and told her to fucking stop fucking wasting my fucking time. Then she blushed so hard her nose bled and passed the fuck out." Thud. “Like she did just now.”
"Uh-huh." Buffy nodded to Dawn. "She’s hired."
tthdrabbles.Title: Four People Who Failed Their Watcher Training (And One Who Didn’t)
Author:
beer_good_foamyFandoms: BtVS/Various
Disclaimer: This is strictly for fun/parody purposes and no money has or ever will change hands.
Summary: After the events of “Chosen”, obviously the gang needs to hire some new Watchers to help take care of all the new Slayers. Some work out. Most... don’t.
Title: Using Force
Word count: 200
Fandom: BtVS/Farscape
Challenge: 93: Mistaken identity
Using Force
Eventually they sent in the heavy artillery to talk to Andrew about the new Watcher-in-training. The heavy artillery being Spike.
“Look, Andrew... I know you mean the best for the girls, and I know what it’s like to wish something were true. But you have to face that this bloke isn’t who you think he is.”
Inside the meeting room behind them, they could hear the object of their discussion handing out orders to a group of Slayers, and the groans and protests that followed.
Andrew swallowed. “I-I knew it was too good to be true, but he looked so much like him... Why is life never fair, Spike?”
“Sometimes it is.” Spike put a supportive hand on Andrew’s shoulder. “I promise. This just isn’t one of those times.”
“No. He’s... really not Yoda, is he?”
They heard the Watcher-in-training repeat his request, and one of the Slayers apparently had enough.
”Unhand me, wench! I am your better! I- No! Woah! WOOOOOOAH!”
There was a punting noise, and Rygel XVI came flying out the door to the meeting room, farting helium all the way.
“Search your feelings, Andrew,” Spike said in a high-pitched squeak. “You know it to be true.”
Title: Ambitious But Rubbish
Word count: 200
Fandom: BtVS/Top Gear
Challenge: 108: Out for a drive
Warning: Character undeath
Ambitious But Rubbish
The Watcher-in-training held up his hands defensively. "Now, before you get your knickers in a - "
Buffy’s look shut him up. "You were hired because you said you knew about surviving and fighting evil..."
"We beat the Germans fair and square."
"... not to pimp the bus."
"But just imagine: there's a nest of vampires in Detroit, you need to get there immediately, so you get in the new and improved bus and VOOM. What could possibly go wrong?"
Buffy looked at the former Sunnydale school bus, which now resembled a 60-foot jet-engine-powered boat holding two persons, tops. "You're so fired, Clarkson."
“Now, before you make any rash decisions, let’s see how it performs. For that, we need a test driver.” A man in a white racing suit and helmet stepped out behind Jeremy. “Some say he cannot cross running water, and that if you drop a bag of seeds, he has to stop and count them. All we know is - “
“ - He’s wearing a sunproof suit.” Buffy flipped up the helmet’s visor, and the Stig promptly dusted. “Thought so.”
“Oh dear.” Jeremy stared at the pile of ashes. “The BBC said they’d have me killed if I lost another one.”
Title: Bavarian Fire Department
Word count: 200
Fandom: BtVS/Scrubs
Challenge: 105: Movie titles: The Killing Floor
Bavarian Fire Department
"Everybody to the bus! NOW! This is NOT a drill, people!" Kennedy loved drills. Have the Slayers get out of bed in the middle of the night, get dressed ("MOVE MOVE MOVE!"), grab their weapons, sprint down the hall -
"Wooooooah!" "Look out!" "What the - " "Fuuuuuu-" The pile of Slayers slid in a most disorderly fashion across the newly waxed floor and piled up against the far wall. "Ow."
The new Watcher-in-training stepped out of the shadows, mop in hand. "Didn't you see the WET FLOOR sign?"
"What sign?" Kennedy looked around the pitch-dark hallway. “Did you remove all the lightbulbs?"
"...Maybe."
“That’s it.” Kennedy snatched the mop away from him. “I don’t care if Buffy thinks we might need that squirrel army you say you have, I’m marching to Personnel and ripping up your file right now.”
“Really.”
“Oh yeah.”
“Right. I know a bureaucrat when I see one, and I’m willing to bet young Miss Summers has filed everything alphabetically by name. What’s my name?”
Kennedy just stared at him.
“Thought not. Now, if you don’t mind, I have to clean this mess up. Thank you.” The Janitor took his mop back and started polishing the floor again.
Title: That Chick Knows What I Like
Word count: 200
Fandom: BtVS/How I Met Your Mother
Challenge: 70: Double Trouble
Warning: Selfcest
Pairing: Willow/Lily
That Chick Knows What I Like
“Wow.” Willow collapsed onto her pillow, then reached out and tenderly brushed a strand of hair from the Watcher-in-training's sweaty face. "You're sure you're not a vampire?"
"If you're sure you're not a stripper," Lily Aldrin panted, tracing a finger up Willow’s jawline. "Professionally, I mean."
They lay in bed, slowly relaxing and trying to find a way of looking at and touching themse... uh, each other that didn't feel weird. "So... now what?" Willow asked after counting freckles for a while.
"I don't know. I always wanted to try this, and it was great and all, but..."
"But But has a name?"
"Marshall."
"Which I'm guessing isn't short for Marsha."
Lily shook her head.
"Oh. Well... I think we might be in ruley exception land here. And this was totally a one-off thing, I'm sure we can work together e-even if we can’t seem to..."
"Hang on, I really gotta check something." Lily dove under the covers to see if that thing did the same thing for Willow as it did for her. (It did, to a disturbing degree of similarity.)
Darnit. School teachers make such good Watchers, too.
Title: Effing The Ineffable
Word count: 200
Fandom: BtVS/Dexter
Challenge: 106: It isn’t what it looks like!
Warning: Foul language
Effing The Ineffable
Buffy took in the scene in the training room with dawning horror. "What happened?"
"Dode of your busidess, B." Faith lay on the couch, pale with shock and nursing a severe nosebleed.
Dawn ignored Faith's death glare. "It was the new Watcher-in-training, Morgan. Faith said something less than flattering about cops, and she let Faith have it."
Buffy regarded Faith, who looked utterly traumatised. "Please tell me Morgan's still alive."
"I didet touch her," Faith muttered.
“Lucky for her. What the hell was she thinking, punching Faith?”
“Oh, she didn’t,” Dawn laughed. “She just... found Faith’s Achilles heel.”
“That beads weak spot, B.”
“I know what it means. How?”
Dawn yelled “DEB?"
"Fuck d'you want?" Deborah Morgan poked her head around the door.
"Tell Buffy what you told Faith."
"I just called her a ..." There’s really no reason to repeat every R-rated invective Deb used; suffice to say that it took her about two minutes to run through the list. "...and told her to fucking stop fucking wasting my fucking time. Then she blushed so hard her nose bled and passed the fuck out." Thud. “Like she did just now.”
"Uh-huh." Buffy nodded to Dawn. "She’s hired."
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no subject
Date: 2012-03-11 10:57 am (UTC)These were all great. My fav is the last one, but Willow/Lily is running a close second. They'd better keep quiet about it, though. If Barney hears about it, his brain will seize up like an over-heated engine. :P
no subject
Date: 2012-03-11 11:09 am (UTC)Well, Lily and Marshall tell each other everything, and Marshall sucks at keeping secrets, so... they better keep a defibrillator handy around Barney. :)
no subject
Date: 2012-03-12 04:08 pm (UTC)The Deb one was absolutely f-ing perfect, from the title onward.
"Fuck d'you want?"
*dies*
no subject
Date: 2012-03-12 09:28 pm (UTC)Janitor by default?
Well... assuming Kennedy doesn't eventually send him back to Sacred Heart with a mop up his ass, I'm not sure that what he's doing qualifies as being a watcher. He's pretty much just... Janitor. Which makes him mighty.
from the title onward
This was posted on Douglas Adams' birthday, so I had to sneak in a little nod to him. (If you didn't know, it's from Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency - "Let us do the undoable, let us think the unthinkable, let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself and see if we may not eff it after all." Which is always a good motto.)
no subject
Date: 2012-03-11 12:34 pm (UTC)On which note it occurs to me - a perfect addition to Barney's Playbook - become a Watcher-In-Training!
(Though that would be one of the more life-threatening entries in the Playbook.)
no subject
Date: 2012-03-11 06:39 pm (UTC)On which note it occurs to me - a perfect addition to Barney's Playbook - become a Watcher-In-Training!
(Though that would be one of the more life-threatening entries in the Playbook.)
No kidding. Can you imagine Barney hitting on, say, Dana? Awwww-kward.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-11 01:40 pm (UTC)Why had I never realise the Stig was a vampire before? It makes so much sense.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-11 06:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-12 12:33 am (UTC)I feel like a kid on Christmas Day, all because of this - I don’t care if Buffy thinks we might need that squirrel army you say you have .
Janitor ♥!!
no subject
Date: 2012-03-12 09:39 am (UTC)Originally I was going to have the Janitor get returned to Sacred Heart with a mop up his ass, but he's just too awesome. Plus, I'm sure he'd have no problem taking down a vamp or five.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-12 04:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-12 09:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-12 12:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-12 03:28 pm (UTC)Yeah, something's definitely up with The Stig. All those deaths and rebirths, all those weird cousins he has all over the world...
no subject
Date: 2012-03-12 07:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-12 09:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-12 09:27 pm (UTC)I guess he was a stig-martyr.
Schisk-boom!
Great, as ever. I can kind of imagine Debs as a Slayer that was never called, but she definately works as a kick-ass watcher, hell yes.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 12:49 pm (UTC)Ouch. :) Thanks!
no subject
Date: 2012-03-12 11:56 pm (UTC)(I especially like the way the beginning of the Dexter one makes you fear the worst kill room visual scenario.)
no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 12:50 pm (UTC)(I especially like the way the beginning of the Dexter one makes you fear the worst kill room visual scenario.)
Given Buffy's experience, that might actually shock her less...
no subject
Date: 2015-12-11 05:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-12-12 03:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 07:58 am (UTC)ROFLMAO!
And Rygel XVI is most definitely not Yoda, XD!
no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 12:51 pm (UTC)And Rygel XVI is most definitely not Yoda, XD!
Small... green... hairy... Utterly and completely self-centered and slightly sociopathic... well, three out of four ain't bad. :)
no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 11:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 12:53 pm (UTC)The only complaint I have is that we don't actually see Clarkson die.
I'm saving that for my Top Gear Zombie Apocalypse fic. If I ever write it. (It's almost canon after the Apocalypse Special they did a few years ago, anyway.)
no subject
Date: 2013-03-15 03:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-15 07:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-10-29 11:43 pm (UTC)Heee! It took me a moment.
no subject
Date: 2016-10-31 10:21 am (UTC)